this world, for our young children |
 Oct 11 2004, 06:38 PM
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#1
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer*  Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134  |
when the children cry let them know we have tried
to change a world for a future they dont have a life thrown away, a life they cant have we took that away for our own selfish thoughts just to see what our greed can do to this world now they grow up in this place we live in with our broken streets and our torn down houses a lifeless place where they dont know where to go a chance we cant give for what we once had where money isnt a problem and our life isnt hard taken for granted the life we once knew gone into ashes sorry isnt enough for our selfish greed for it is our fault to destroy a dream that everyone hopes wrote a little something about a future |
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Oct 11 2004, 06:43 PM
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#2
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
hmmm i like this but.. the flow gets a bit messed up... anyways good job =P
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Oct 11 2004, 07:19 PM
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#3
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
lol f*ck the flow dammit lol
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Oct 11 2004, 07:25 PM
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#4
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
flow is the most important part of a poem.. its like saying
i love you yet i hate you... NO FLOW!!! makes no sense... IT MATTERS!! |
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Oct 11 2004, 07:28 PM
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#5
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*Influential Guitarist & Inspiring Writer* Group: Official Member Posts: 1,217 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 51,134 |
hahah yeah ive been missing the flow lately...lately i cant find a flow mayn but shiet lol yeah i get what ur trying to say but some poems have no flow and they still come out great what im trying to say is do u get what im talking about thats the main thing the idea of the poem lol
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