A tornado of hurt |
 Oct 1 2004, 09:07 PM
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#1
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cb=bullshit.  Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793  |
Hey guys, It's Joe (MasteRxKiD). Mel went off to go get something to eat, and she told me to post this up for her. I didn't know what to title the topic, so I just picked a line that I enjoyed the most. Personally, I like it.
Mel takes this part inside her and creates an interesting and mysterious character for her stories. Whether it be a bad mood one day, conflict inside or self-doubt, she takes those emotions and forms a new personality. At least, that's what I've seen so far. Comments greatly appreciated! -Joe --- The growing pain was alive inside of her… she could feel a tornado of hurt building up… flooding her veins; a rush. Her chest collapsed and then she breathed it all in. Her hands trembled as her knees were debilitating. She was lost within her mind… trying to search for an answer to everything that was taking place around her…She leaned against the wall and let her knees bend forward as her back slid down the mustard yellow stucco wall, scratching her back in torture. Yet, mind over body, and right now physical pain was far from this world. She could slit herself the deepest cut and still she wouldn't feel a thing as the blood would slowly run out of her wound and spread ever so carefully around her fragile frame, her eyes will still remain stuck in confusion. She rested her head on her knees, letting her long brown hair cascade forward and hide her from anyone who might see her in this unstable state. And right then, nothing in the world mattered to her anymore… She poured herself out… onto the cement around her. |
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Oct 1 2004, 09:15 PM
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#2
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 Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
Back as myself.
She mentioned how she wanted to go on but didn't know what else to write, but I think that it's sufficient enough. I love how it's well-thought out and carefully written. I need to write things more calmly myself. 
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Oct 1 2004, 10:00 PM
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#3
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
Everything you've said about my writing has given me assurance.
QUOTE Mel takes this part inside her and creates an interesting and mysterious character for her stories. Whether it be a bad mood one day, conflict inside or self-doubt, she takes those emotions and forms a new personality. Thanks... I like the way you said that... It makes me feel like I can actually do something, ya know? Like my writing has STYLE.... and style is a good thing.  QUOTE I love how it's well-thought out and carefully written. I need to write things more calmly myself. but everything you have written is far better than anything I could dream of writing. |
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| *wind&fire* |
Oct 1 2004, 11:14 PM
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#4
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Guest |
wow v. emotional and sereen...very deep....
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Oct 3 2004, 02:44 AM
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#5
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
[bump]
thanks aznbubz i'm guess 'v.' means very? |
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Oct 3 2004, 02:49 AM
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#6
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Will write poetry for sex! Group: Member Posts: 1,110 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 600 |
QUOTE(AzNbUbZ @ Oct 1 2004, 8:14 PM) wow v. emotional and sereen...very deep.... It is very emotional and deep...But I think you have the word 'serene' mixed up with something else. 
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Oct 5 2004, 05:36 PM
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#7
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 don't worry, be happy~ Group: Member Posts: 1,538 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,899 |
you should make this as a song, it would be so cool!!! so much anger and fustration but still firm.
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Oct 15 2004, 01:43 PM
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#8
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cb=bullshit. Group: Member Posts: 1,783 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,793 |
QUOTE(lucky_clover @ Oct 5 2004, 4:36 PM) you should make this as a song, it would be so cool!!! so much anger and fustration but still firm. [bump] a song, eh? Heh [shrugs] i think this just might be one of my favorites, though, so maybe... it could happen? |
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Oct 16 2004, 07:52 AM
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#9
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,520 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 200 |
bummppp...
Mel that was awesome 
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Oct 16 2004, 10:30 AM
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#10
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
omg i love this =P mel your writings are amazing..
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Oct 17 2004, 09:14 AM
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#11
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 937 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 39,476 |
I love your writing style.
The way you worded it was awesome... I wish I could write like you 
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Oct 21 2004, 07:55 PM
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#12
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 Quand j'étais jeune... Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 6,826 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,272 |
The title of this one is truely an attention grabber. I don't know if you intended it that way, but there's a lot of emotion in just the title!
As for the writing, everyone else already said I what I wanted to say. Though more specifically, I especially like how you weaved a web of emotion with verbs instead of feeling words (i.e. search, tremble, collasped, stuck... etc). Though too somber for my taste, it was a very nice read! |
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| *CrackedRearView* |
Jul 6 2005, 09:18 AM
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#13
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Guest |
I'm bumping this piece because I'm so in love with it.
Tell Mel she's a great writer, because she seems to think she's not. |
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| *Kathleen* |
Jul 6 2005, 11:40 AM
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#14
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Holy poo. I love it.
 I've always loved your short stories and prose pieces, though.
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| *CrackedRearView* |
Jul 8 2005, 02:11 AM
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#15
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Then urge her to come back. She's too busy hating createBlog to grace us with her beautiful writing. :[
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| *RockizLife* |
Jul 8 2005, 09:57 AM
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#16
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Pretty good. It was posted on my birthday, so that makes it even cooler
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Jul 8 2005, 11:58 PM
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#17
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Mr. Hottie Group: Member Posts: 406 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,225 |
deep like my username
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