Hating Myself For You |
 Sep 11 2004, 11:59 PM
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#1
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 What the fack.  Group: Official Member Posts: 6,164 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 8,519  |
Hating Myself For You
I'm sorry for being there I'm sorry for being me I'm sorry for hating myself And I'm sorry that there are no words to speak I'm sorry for your hurt As I drown within my own I know that I can't change this Because all of it, I have thrown I know I was never good enough And I don't know why you let me stick around I don't know what I'm supposed to think And I don't know what I should do for now I wish you were here But I know that you can't be Because you're off with her But I just can't let it go, can't you see? I know that things'll never be the same Never the same between us But I just wanted you to know That in all of it, there was love Not just lust Hopefully, within these twisted reveries You'll finally be able to realize that everything I said was true And I just wanted you to know That I'm hating myself, because of you Hm, and there you have it. Surprisingly, I've just finished this poem, in less than five minutes. Nice to see that I'm immune to writer's block again.  Comments are greatly appreciated.Edit:\\ Aww. No comments. We seriously need to get this writing section more noticeable. 
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Oct 5 2004, 10:41 PM
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#2
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 I can rot your brain ;] Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 1,160 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 42,261 |
Wow.
I like the message. Very good. Things to keep in mind... Structure of a poem is important. Poetry is its own language. There are certain ways to compile it all. Problem is finding a way to compile it in a way that it makes it most melodic when read aloud. The beginning you start off with 'I'm sorry...' It's consistant within the first couple of lines. Later on you change format and start off with random words...kind of bringing down the overal smooth flow from the poem. One thing I'm very fond of is the closing statement you used. Very powerful indeed. QUOTE Hopefully, within these twisted reveries You'll finally be able to realize that everything I said was true And I just wanted you to know That I'm hating myself, because of you I love the last line. It captured my attention and that's what it needed to be. Awesome job there. =] |
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Oct 5 2004, 11:17 PM
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#3
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
lovely poem its similar to mine but i never posted it =P
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Oct 5 2004, 11:28 PM
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#4
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 and they say imitation is flattering Group: Member Posts: 1,337 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,269 |
I love the word combination "twisted reveries" it's so.. melodic.
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Oct 6 2004, 10:05 AM
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#5
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 creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
It kind of seems like you were straining yourself to make the poem have a constant rhythm and rhyme
QUOTE Because all of it, I have thrown like here....this line doesn't make sense...what did you throw lol QUOTE Hopefully, within these twisted reveries You'll finally be able to realize that everything I said was true And I just wanted you to know That I'm hating myself, because of you this stanza caught my attention too, its verrryyy nice and the most original part of the poem....great work cant wait to read more 
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