broken promises, the ramblings of a broken heart Options

[*[2]Nekked*]

you said you'd always love me. i asked you, today? yesterday? tomorrow? the day after that? the day after that? forever and ever? and to all you said yes. you thought it was cute then, but i was serious. were you? did you ever love me or did you enjoy just making me feel that way so that in the end you could break my heart and leave me in the dirt? i cry on the phone with you and you act like you dont notice, and make some excuse to hang up on me, and then later you ask me why.. you wonder why i say you dont love me anymore (or never did) and i answer, but you're not really listening, are you? you go on with your life; and i try to go on with mine. the difference is that you can smile, and thats something i havent been able to do for a while. and i cant help but wonder how you can be so happy without me.

and im trying to move on; honestly i am.. i tell you i cant be talking to you anymore if im ever going to be happy again, but the truth is im just unhappy without you. and i guess theres really nothing i can do about that. so i cry... i cry at night until i fall asleep, and then i wake up crying. do i stop crying when i sleep? i wouldnt know... maybe im actually crying in my sleep and thats why i wake up that way..anyways...

you ask me hows school doing, and i answer, and you tell me someone else made you talk to me to make sure i was doing ok, and it just figures you would never talk to me unless you had to.

you ask hows school doing, but i notice you never ask me how im doing... how am i doing? horrible. im doing horrible. every second of my life is like another crack made in my heart.

you promised to love me for ever, and you promised to treat me right. you said that my happiness makes you happy, that when i smile, you smile, when i laugh, you laugh, but what happens when im not happy, hmm?

when im sad you're still happy, and when i frown, you still smile, and when i cry, you still laugh.

i go about in my pseudo-happiness, and i replace anger and sadness with sarcasm and jokes, and when people ask me how things are going, i show them my fake smile and tell them everything is alright.

i guess its similar to how you would come to me with your pseudo-love and show me fake affection and give me false hopes. and when i ask you if you love me, you show me your fake smile, and lie.

and you'll probably never read this, but i guess i just had to get it out.

[melface]

I can SO relate.