My poem!, I wrote this early this morning! |
 Sep 2 2004, 07:19 AM
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#1
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 The Unfortunate One  Group: Member Posts: 81 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 44,945  |
I opened my eyes to the sunshine that was your smile
pouring over me. I layed among the garden that was your arms embrace and inhaled your sweet aroma. On my skin I felt your beauty and pain, much like the rose: Beautiful yet deadly. Being within your presence was much like lingering within a field of hidden desire. Let the evening leave it's mark on our flesh, sweet dew that forms while I lay with you all night. Heh heh! What do you think?? 
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Sep 2 2004, 07:55 AM
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#2
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 creepy heather Group: Official Member Posts: 4,208 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 41,580 |
QUOTE(obscureterminus @ Sep 2 2004, 7:19 AM) Let the evening leave it's mark on our flesh, sweet dew that forms while I lay with you all night the first stanza does not fit for me :) needs a little some thing more ...and i really liked those lines :D its beautee full |
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Sep 2 2004, 12:26 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,384 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 37,337 |
i like the first line best
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Sep 2 2004, 03:54 PM
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#4
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 APPLE Group: Member Posts: 2,989 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 39,182 |
It sounds like a great poem!
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