falling in love with a close friend.. Options

[L00d]

okay.. so i've known this girl for around 2 years now, and ever since i met her i always had a feeling me and her were gonna end up together. i met her in my 2nd semester in 10th grade and still talk to her every day up until now. a few months ago she had just broken up with her bf and she was asking me who to hook up with.. M or T (each letter standing for a person). i said.. how 'bout C (meaning me) and she goes "that wasn't a letter choice". i asked her if she knew what i meant about that and she said yes... now she just hooked up with someone a few days ago, and it feels like she's talking to me even more now because one of her really close guy friends who she's known for 4 years and trusts him even more than her own sister, decided to just stop talking to her and avoid her whenever she's around. then she messages me saying how she was thinking of me cuz she was feeling really sad and my cellphone was off and she really needed to talk to me... so i had to promise to her that i'll always keep it on from now on.

anyways... it just sucks how she's always gonna see me as her big brother, i wish she knew how deep my feelings for her were.. i care so much about her and she's made a really big impact on my life.. if only she knew how much she meant to me and changed her mind... =[

this ever happened to anyone else..? because it sure does suck and i don't know what to do besides just be there for her whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on

sigh.. if only she knew...

oh yeah, and here's something that i wrote on her site a while ago just so you people will understand how much she means to me..

____________________________________________

Hi ****** =] I know you feel down sometimes.. so i figure i'd write something that might cheer you up =] But anyways, i'm basically writing this to let you know how much i really value our friendship. You're the only person that has made me realize that i'm special in my own way and worth something. No one has ever really cared about me or thought of me the way you do. You have been the only one and I'm real grateful you came along and i met you. I always look forward to every time we get to talk, whether it's just a simple "Hi" in the hallways at school or a long and deep conversation on aim. I really appreciate everytime you message me knowing that you don't have to but you do because you know i wanna talk. You can brighten up my whole day just by smiling at me. You always believe in me and at times i feel like i owe you something but don't know what. You're just such a great person and i'm really glad i found you =) I'm also grateful that you're such an understanding person, and care enough about me to never get mad or angry at me for any reason. Thanks for everything, you'll be one of those few people that I'll never forget in my life. I want you to know that if you ever need anything i can't promise that i'll ALWAYS be there for you, but i'll definately try to. If I ever do or say something that upsets you in anyways.. just tell me.. i've always been honest with you, so you can do the same even if it's something negative, i'll try to see things on your side first. I'm sure you know you're a very important person to me, and many other people out there, and at times it feels like i've known you forever.. and i love how you can make me smile just by looking at me (haha i know everyone can make me smile but you're better at it than them lol). I just want you to know that you've made a persons life worth living and have changed my mind about a few things in a good way. I feel like i can tell you almost anything, and at times, i feel like i can tell you more than i can with my best friends whom i've known for more than 10 years, because i know i can trust you, and i know that you won't say anything or make a big deal of what i tell you. You're a very understanding person which really means alot. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you have no idea how much it really means to me, basically because i never really show it. You've changed my perspective on things in my life, and i just wanted to say thanks, and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY =D

Take Care,
C.S.

____________________________________________

any thoughts or comments..?

[*CJ1*]

dont write it in one big paragraph.... it hurts my eyes...

[L00d]

ok.. i'll make sure i do that just for you next time.

[COLDasICE]

My friend is in the same situation. Although she moved on and has a bf now, she still has feelings for her close guy friend. I know this cause I can read her facial expression and she talks about him more than her own bf. Which is sad.. Anyways, maybe your friend needs a little more time to find out what her feelings leads towards to but in the mean time, I understand how you really feel towards her but don't let it get you done too much 'cause you never know what will happen in the years to come.

[*CEP*]

I say go for it!
I went out with this really close friend of mine.
She and I are still really close even after our break up. ( December 2003 )

IMO, it's better to go out with friends. I mean, there really wouldnt be any secrets between the two of you.

- Chinkieeyedpnoi ( By the way, I didn't read what you wrote for her. Sorry )

[Dr3aMeR]

1) Don't get with your friend.
2) Don't use love so easily cause you most likely don't know what love is
3) Try to find another girl so you stop stressing over this one

[k00alah]

wow.. thats deep man.. i dunno what to say.. its cool that you accepted her answer about her seeing you as a big brother.. i mean if she really means a lot to you.. you'll value your guys friendship even more.. i know you want to be more than friends.. but its better to be friends than not even talking at all.. just be thankful you always have someone to admire.. don't stop trying man.. stay up..

[Alk3]

That's sweet. I say give it time. Maybe eventually, she'll see you the way you see her. Or maybe she already does, but just isn't facing up to how she feels, or she may just really value your friendship.

I don't think it's best to get involved with close friends, but that's just my personal preference. It really depends on what kind of people you two are.. If you two do happen to get into this type of relationship & it ends, things wouldn't exactly be the same as it was before.. Just be ready for the possibility of those consequences.

In the meantime, you should maybe try finding another girl that you're interested in & vice versa

[Baptismapyros]

More power to ya, I've been there before. I guess the reality is that, even if you feel like you were "made" for someone, if the circumstances aren't there for a relationship to grow, then it just won't happen. It's kinda like how people used to sow the fields. They’d just throw seeds everywhere. Some seeds landed on good soil, some landed on really dry soil and just didn’t grow. Then someone got the idea of carefully taking the time to plant each seed. That’s kinda like how relationships should be. A lot of people skip the friendship stage of the relationship and though some of these relationships are successful and lead to marriage, they go through an immense amount of strain after their kids leave for college because what used to hold the couple together is no longer there. Divorces occur most frequently 1-5 years after marriage and then about a 15 year grace period if kids are around and once you hit year 20 and you and your spouse don’t really have anything in common other than the kitchen and the bedroom you’re going to have some problems. Take your time, and build a friendship that can lay a stable foundation for a relationship. Sigh, if it just doesn’t work out though and all you can really do is be there for her as a friend know that true love never dies, but it can change over time from something romantic to something that’s possibly just as fruitful, a strong friendship.

[L00d]

yeah i'm not really stressin over her.. most of the feelings i once had for her at times feel like they vanished. i remember when i'd see her in the hallways and it would feel like my heart would skip a beat o_0 which doesn't really happen anymore, but there's always some nights where i just sit there listening to music and she pops into my head.. and then i start to wonder what if..

but oh well it's all good. like you guys said.. i'll just value the close friendship that we share right now and who knows.. maybe something might happen in the future, especially since we're gonna be goin to the same college and everything so we probably won't lose touch for a while even after highschool.


like they say.. there's lots more fishies in the sea..





















but sometimes i just want that single one

[L00d]

by the way.. i'm greek and she's chinese/viet.. maybe that has something to do with it.. all her past bf's have been asian, but then again, she's a real down to earth person and i doubt something like that would get in the way of a relationship.. but who knows..

[Baptismapyros]

Sigh your descriptions, brings back memories. Nice xanga by the way Mr. L00d.

[bdbuie]

dating a good friend can and should be wonderful. :) think of it... with a friend there's no long, drawn out process of trying to get her to like the person you want her to think you are. nope, she knows the REAL you. if she dated you, she'd date you because she loves you for who you are, in everyday circumstances. personally, i think that's best.

[Just_Dream]

Has anyone ever read "What I did for love" or any of those Korean fan fics? Or like "3 LIttle Words" or something like that, that's a kroean fanfic? Well anyhow there's alot othe rther and they all mostly begin with the whole "He's always going to think he's JUST my OPPA, and I will always only be his dongseng" or something like that. Well anyways oppa is like what they call their BIG BROTHER, except all the stories say that the OPPA is a PLAY-BROTHER (not a real one, eeww, not incest!) and dongseng is um.. iono, lil sister? or something? Dunno ahhas I'm NOT Korean!!! Well anyways these stories, they always talk about how the Dongseng loves her Oppa and how she never thought her oppa could love her back, but deep down, he does love her. That could be the same for you, but hey, I can't promise anything. Maybe its like that, but the other way around for you! Such as you like her so much and you think that she only considers you as her big brother. THat might be true, but you never know. Just DON'T waste your whole life pondering on this.

In the story, in the end, the girls always find out that their oppa loved them, but it was way too late and alot of stories ended in "being too late" that the oppa or the gurl died or something. If you read those stories (event hought guys usually dont...) it could really teadch you something about love. The stories are long tho. And if you did, maybe you should consider what happened on those fanfics.. and maybe it will give you the confidence you need to tell the girl how you feel... Int hose stories, the girl or guy waits too long and it always ends up in heartbreak or something.. Don't let that happen to you.. =T

[conster]

u kno what? same thing happened to me but i take the ur friends place lols my best friend (a guy) he really liked me a lot but like i didnt get wit him cuz i know if i get wit him, hes gonna have to choose between me or his friends.. and he knew his friends since like 2nd grade (currently in 11th grade) and u know.. i value our friendship more tahn anything.. he wanted togive it a try... but i didnt wanna..

well all i kno is that.. if u really have great feelings for her, cherish the friendship.. whatever happens in the future is a mystery.. maybe she'll soon find that she feels the same way u do

[L00d]

yeah.. i guess all it takes is time.. i just gotta wait.. but i'm tired of waiting

[so0o_contagious]

aww.. i hope yah feel better.. <not very good at advise so chea.. > okie .bye...

[forgottentears]

i know how u feel. Just the other way around. I like a close frwend whos a guy but cant say it

[colorsarenice]

hmm.. i think this situation really is bad. its really not good to fall for your close friends because if you guys did get together and break up, things wouldnt be the same. if you really feel that strongly about her than go for it, but you're risking the relationship you guys have with each other

[colorsarenice]

hmm.. i think this situation really is bad. its really not good to fall for your close friends because if you guys did get together and break up, things wouldnt be the same. if you really feel that strongly about her than go for it, but you're risking the relationship you guys have with each other

[adrenaline2darus...]

dont write it in one big paragraph.... it hurts my eyes...

lol same here. cant u guys b married siblings? lolz just act like a big bro with a hint of liking her as a gf, then maybe one day shell like u and understand

[L00d]

blah i'll just give up.. i don't think i have a chance -_-

i think i should stop caring about girls in general.. i'm gonna be single all my life and die a lonely man

[conster]

dont be so pessimistic... thats not how life should be.. ur living for a reason and it should be a happy and good reason... aww dont be like that... it brings down everyones moods

[lexion]

I've been in this situation many many times. But I was always the girl. But I wouldn't go out with my close friends because the feelings don't reciprocate and as much as he try to tell me how he feel, I don't see him the same way. Always a brother in my eyes. My advice is that if you already told her how u felt, it doesn't matter how much more you try, she has already made her mind about you.

There will be a girl out there that likes you more than a friend. Don't give up yet. :-)

[aj637]

hun, one advice for you dont rush love. seriously let it bloom itself rather than you trying so hard to grow. be patient. thats the only thing i would tell you. i know it is hard because you have so many feelings for her that you want to express but if you do get the chance. ALWAYS expect the worst of things so you still have pride left.

another thing, from a girls perspective hearing from someone who loves you thats not their family, friends or boyfriend is shocking. give her time to find her way to you. jsut be a friend casue obviously thats waht shes wants.

[L00d]

i'm not rushing love at all. to be honest, i've NEVER had a girlfriend in my life, and i'm a senior in highschool right now getting ready to graduate and never kissed a girl.. never done ANYTHING. i gave up so much for her thinking she'd be someone that i'd finally end up with after all this time but i guess i was wrong =\

i talked to her a while ago about it, she said the reason i'm still single is cuz i need to start talking to more girls, and stop being so shy around them, and told me that i should stop falling for my close friends.. but i can't help that, they're the ones i care about and i feel that if i just skipped that whole friendship thing then the relationship wouldn't turn out as well.

and then there's my english teacher for example, he's 21 right outta college, just broke up with his gf last month and has been going out with this girl that he's been best friends with for 2 years, and two weeks later after hooking up they're already engaged o_O

maybe one day something like that can happen for me.. cuz there hasn't even been a single spark in my life and it just sucks =\ sigh.. i guess when i finally find someone it'll be well worth all that wait...

[L00d]

also i guess it's cuz no girls really know the true me.. the caring and understanding side.. she's probably the only person that knows me that well, other people just see me as another shy white boy =\

[aj637]

the thing is your insisting so much from her to be your girlfriend that your seriously pushing her away. ( i dont know her story ) but from waht you tell me it seems like that. i mean it is great to tell all your feelings to her becasue you want too and she does deserve to know but obviously she only sees you as a friend right now and she is right you do need to find yourself other friends (girls) to socialize with. i mean it is very hard to trust people now a days but thats the only way you can fix your problem finding that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. i mean your sitting there dwelling upon not having her that you are missing out on other girls who will probably like you more than her (maybe start a relationship) i mean it all goes down to how you want to react to it. if you want to be patient and wait for her than go ahead but you are not doing any good to yourself just thinking all of the "what ifs" and the "maybes" i mean you have to see waht the rest of the world offers.

also i do know how you feel (partly) ive been single for 2 years now going to 3 years. and it sucks beucase i am waiting for that person to come and sweep me off my feet like prince charming but i am also living my life to the fullest and meeting guys going places wiht friends and so forth. i'm smart enough to know dwelling upon what you wish to have is a waste becasue you may never know what you are missing. also the only way you can feel love is if you put yourself out there. yes that means you need to stop being the shy white boy and get to know these girls more intimately (maybe some) but you get the idea right??

[L00d]

yeah, i only told her how i felt about her once. now i've pretty much given up on her and all the feelings i had for her are gone.. i just finally realized it was time to move on i guess

[d1nonlyqty]

well if you waited for her for two years.. i think waiting a litto more couldnt hurt.

[aud_chua]

*pats shoulder*
sigh.. i know how you feel.. even though i'm a girl, for some odd reason, i actually told my best friend (who is a guy) that i have feelings for him.. after that, he kinda just went away a bit.. that's what really sucks..
like.. the best relationship would be built on a foundation of friendship.. most people would want that.. but others just don't get it.. they want it to be like those romantic scenes where it's love at first sight or some other bull like that..
i guess your friend just doens't feel the same way or is afraid.. (i'm sorry if this interpretation is wrong.. i just took a quick glance at your posts.. )
but anyway.. don't worry!! there are other people out there!! and i'm sure there's someone who's more willing to go into a relationship with you..
cheer up and drink some sake to ease your mind.. (or some alternative) heheh...!
peace!

[EddieV]

welcome 2 my world

[tiffsezgrr]

sometimes relationships work out better if they are a close friend at first....sometimes not =T

[angel-roh]

yeah... me and justin... we are reallie one close friends...but we end up lovin each other^^;; hehe nd' look at us...we're going out!! haha we've known each other for the last 6 years!^^ nd' start goin out on february 11, 2004!!

[LoST SouL]

i think im startin 2 well at lest i like him...

[NvieDi3ai3yGrL]

i understand how you feel .. it's happened to me before too .. well you did give her a hint once and she knew that you liked her more than a friend .. it doesn't seem that she's giving the same signs .. i'm sorry there isn't much i can say to help here .. there is a chance that one day she might realize what's right in front of her and you'll have a chance of being together .. hopefully not too late .. well just try your best to be strong .. and hopefully things will turn out your way .. good luck!!