(Ex-) Boyfriend is gay. Options

[pinacoolada]

Hey guys. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years told me he was gay two days ago. It was a very messy break up, and I'm extremely hurt. He came out to me as bisexual about 2 weeks ago and he said my support and acceptance has helped him accept himself and his sexuality. While I'm happy for him and glad that he got it out to someone, I feel horrible for myself. This person was my best friend and things were great with us. He told me he has always known that he was attracted to guys, and that he suppressed it. He also said he genuinely loved me and was genuinely attracted to me, but the attraction diminished slowly beginning about 4 months ago, when he started admitting his sexuality to himself.

I am utterly lost, and I know I need to get over him, but this just hurts so much. I feel like someone has punched a hole through me. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? How did you cope? When does it stop feeling so empty?

[sixfive]

you turned him gay

[pinacoolada]

I would also appreciate it if you guys kept an open mind. Only serious answers please.

[sixfive]

want a serious answer? I seriously just took this dump and it was one of those that not only went into the whole but it started to wrap around and came out of the water. That was a serious dump.

[creole]

Hey guys. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years told me he was gay two days ago. It was a very messy break up, and I'm extremely hurt. He came out to me as bisexual about 2 weeks ago and he said my support and acceptance has helped him accept himself and his sexuality. While I'm happy for him and glad that he got it out to someone, I feel horrible for myself. This person was my best friend and things were great with us. He told me he has always known that he was attracted to guys, and that he suppressed it. He also said he genuinely loved me and was genuinely attracted to me, but the attraction diminished slowly beginning about 4 months ago, when he started admitting his sexuality to himself.

I am utterly lost, and I know I need to get over him, but this just hurts so much. I feel like someone has punched a hole through me. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? How did you cope? When does it stop feeling so empty?

um, was he ever aroused by you? i'm sorry, but if i were you i'd never go out with my best friend. I had a gf who was bi but then turned lesbian, but i was cool with it. maybe it was because the term of the relationship wasn't that long, but i knew if it made them more happier, then i guess it's just best to let them go. i know 3 years is pretty long, but have you ever though about those 3 years could have actually realized who he is as a person? i know it was a waste of time for you, but at least you helped him. are you still thinking about being friends with him again?

[pinacoolada]

um, was he ever aroused by you? i'm sorry, but if i were you i'd never go out with my best friend. I had a gf who was bi but then turned lesbian, but i was cool with it. maybe it was because the term of the relationship wasn't that long, but i knew if it made them more happier, then i guess it's just best to let them go. i know 3 years is pretty long, but have you ever though about those 3 years could have actually realized who he is as a person? i know it was a waste of time for you, but at least you helped him. are you still thinking about being friends with him again?

Yes, he was aroused by me. I feel like he suppressed his orientation so much and buried it deep inside himself that he tricked himself into being "straight". He wrote off being un-aroused by straight porn and being neutral about straight sex as just being "unhorny". We did have sex and it wasn't very often, but I think that's what made it so good. The sex was fine too. He told me he started noticing that something was up with him when we started having sex more frequently.

[MrStrife]

Same thing happened to one of my friends. She told me it really hurt her because of the trust factor. Plus, she had a feeling he was seeing someone else and "thinks" after he was with the other guy, he came to her and had relations. I can only imagine how that would make her feel.

But anyways, I think what I want to say is, Nobody can escape who they really are. It really sucks that he made this transition while being with you, but I think he also needs support with his decision. It's not really a betrayal in my eyes.

[sixfive]

Same thing happened to one of my friends. She told me it really hurt her because of the trust factor. Plus, she had a feeling he was seeing someone else and "thinks" after he was with the other guy, he came to her and had relations. I can only imagine how that would make her feel.

But anyways, I think what I want to say is, Nobody can escape who they really are. It really sucks that he made this transition while being with you, but I think he also needs support with his decision. It's not really a betrayal in my eyes.

stfu go cry in a corner you baby

[pinacoolada]

Same thing happened to one of my friends. She told me it really hurt her because of the trust factor. Plus, she had a feeling he was seeing someone else and "thinks" after he was with the other guy, he came to her and had relations. I can only imagine how that would make her feel.

But anyways, I think what I want to say is, Nobody can escape who they really are. It really sucks that he made this transition while being with you, but I think he also needs support with his decision. It's not really a betrayal in my eyes.

Yeah I don't see it as a betrayal.
I'm kind of just paranoid I won't be okay again. I kind of just need someone to tell me I'll be fine ><

[sixfive]

Lol how are you going to be fine after that? Your boyfriend ended up being gay, probably lied to you for quite some time. That or he wasn't comfortable with y'alls relationship and that pushed him away from girls.

[pinacoolada]

It wasn't really a lie. It's like a process. You just don't wake up one day and say you're gay. It's painful and slow and you deny it to yourself a lot. And for some people it's suppressed.
It has nothing really to do with me either. It's something about someone that can't be changed. You know how straight you are and you just can't help it? Same thing.

[sixfive]

You don't know that. He might have been experimenting with a girl to find out about his sexuality and you might have just not had what he needed and that might have pushed him to gay.

[pinacoolada]

Whatever you say :)

[MrStrife]

You'll be fine dear. Obviously it's over and you just need to move on like any other breakup. Only you know you're completely fine.

[sixfive]

Obviously isn't fine lol otherwise she wouldn't have come here asking questions but it's okay take emotionally unstable MrStrife's words for comfort and be on your merry way.

[MrStrife]

hahahahhaz you're funny dude. what do you mean emotionally unstable?

[Simba]

you turned him gay

f*cken fggts ruining everything huh
lmao you're an asshole but at least you're funny


I remember you, Rachelle, and I'm sure you'll find yourself a better man anyway yeaaaaaah mr strife you don't even know her whatchu talkin about willis

[pinacoolada]

Hey Arjuna!
Yeah. I'll be fine eventually. It's just kind of hard.

[misoshiru]

Obviously, you didn't turn him gay. Don't ever think that. It's difficult because you were in a relationship with him for 3 years. That's a long time to devote to someone, especially someone you most likely still are in love with. I may not understand how you feel, but as someone who tried to deny the fact that I'm queer, I know how he feels. I can only tell you that it'll take time to heal. But think of it this way, at least he loves you enough, even if it's not the type of love you're looking for, he loves you enough to be upfront with you. He's not trying to make prolong his questioning because it'll hurt even more down the road.

In my perspective, as someone who is queer, it's hard for my close friends, ones who knew me when I believed I was straight to understand how I go from straight to queer. I say that I'm queer because I don't rule out being with a guy in the future. It's something hard to accept because not only were you his girlfriend, but also his best friend. And I'm sure he loves you in his own way. You may not be able to be friends with him now, and you may never be best friends again, but hopefully, in the future, he'll want you to be there for him. And I hope that you will be able to be there for him. It's hard in this world, being gay.

[pinacoolada]

Yeah.
I got his back 100%. He knows that. Actually the last thing we said to each other:
Me: If you ever run into trouble, don't hesitate to ask me for help. I'll always be here for you no matter what.
Him: Thanks. That means so much to me. It really really does.

[Sandraaa]

I'm just dumb founded. If my fiancé of 2 years and 9 months suddenly announced to me that he's gay ... I think I'll kill him. I'm sorry, call me immature if you want to. It's emotional betrayal. I gave up a lot for our relationship, I suffered (we both did) and now he's 'gay'? No no. It's as though he cheated on me. MAYBE I'll be able to let it go with time but not at first.

I'd advice you not to see him, zero contact for the time being. As much as it's hard 'being gay', it's hard being in love with a gay man.

[synapse]

um, was he ever aroused by you? i'm sorry, but if i were you i'd never go out with my best friend. I had a gf who was bi but then turned lesbian, but i was cool with it. maybe it was because the term of the relationship wasn't that long, but i knew if it made them more happier, then i guess it's just best to let them go. i know 3 years is pretty long, but have you ever though about those 3 years could have actually realized who he is as a person? i know it was a waste of time for you, but at least you helped him. are you still thinking about being friends with him again?

You forgot to mention at the time you were 10.

[creole]

lol

[xoxoxx]

I'm just dumb founded. If my fiancé of 2 years and 9 months suddenly announced to me that he's gay ... I think I'll kill him. I'm sorry, call me immature if you want to. It's emotional betrayal. I gave up a lot for our relationship, I suffered (we both did) and now he's 'gay'? No no. It's as though he cheated on me. MAYBE I'll be able to let it go with time but not at first.

I'd advice you not to see him, zero contact for the time being. As much as it's hard 'being gay', it's hard being in love with a gay man.

real talk.

[Blyat]

want a serious answer? I seriously just took this dump and it was one of those that not only went into the whole but it started to wrap around and came out of the water. That was a serious dump.

There should be "like" buttons



But look at the bright side, you're his last girl he'll ever have so no girl competition.
But the point is not to blame yourself. He is who he is now and he might not change. And in those last 4 months that got weird, he prolly was experimenting, especially if you had an intimate moment (hence maybe another reason there wasn't so much of it?)