So my idiot neighbor decided he would just let himself into my house Options

[Reidar]

A little while ago, I was just sitting here in my lounge chair, reading, when the doorbell rings. It's those obnoxious kids from next door that are always tossing their **** into my backyard. I knew it was them because you can hear the little snots from a mile away. Anyway, I didn't feel like going through another fetch quest for them, and since I knew that my dogs were out in the backyard, they wouldn't try to go and get it themselves, so I just ignored them. After about a hundred doorbell rings (I really need to remove that thing), they leave.

Ten minutes later, I hear my back door open. It's my douchebag neighbor, who, to his credit, does a stunning impression of a deer caught in a pair of headlights.

"Howdy, Reidar! I noticed that your door was open [it wasn't], but nobody was home when Stewart and Sarah came over, so I thought I'd see if everything was okay," he babbles.

What a lying piece of ****. "Well, I'm home, so you can leave."

"Alrighty, neighbor! Hey, while I'm here, let me just get their ball from your yard. I guess it went over the fence again. Hehehe!"

"Sure, Aaron. Help yourself." I open the sliding glass door for him.

So he steps out, and almost immediately, my Rottweilers, Gorrzak and Mortlock, start barking as they charge him. It was pretty bad ass because they were in the middle of digging into the leftovers of a deer carcass from yesterday's hunt, so their faces were covered in blood. "My word!" he cries as he jumps back in. "Ah, they sure are spirited little pups! I'm going to need something to distract them. Where do you keep your toys?" And with that, he actually turns around and starts toward another room. I couldn't believe it.

"Hey, Aaron. Don't sweat it. I'll find it for you," I say with mock sincerity. Then, I stomp out into the yard and grab the mangled deer by its antlers. "I'll give you something to occupy them with," I mutter as I rip the head off from the rest of the corpse. "Here, here boys! Go fetch!" I throw the head as hard as I can through the side window, shattering the glass right about where Aaron is waiting. "Whoa, what the-!" he cries from inside. The dogs are mere seconds behind as they leap through the opening. "OH ****," beloved neighbor screams. It's obvious that he's knocking my crap over as he's scrambling for the door. Meanwhile, I've stumbled across his kids' soccer ball lying in the pile of brush that I collect for barbecuing stray pets that get caught in the bear traps I have set-up. I'm feeling pretty satisfied at how I've handled everything up to now, so I take it and walk back with it, whistling. Inside the house is a mess. The dogs are fighting over a scrap of face flesh on top of the broken glass and toppled furniture. The deer head is right at my feet, so I boot it out of my way. "He'll never be the head of a major corporation," I say with a straight face. The dogs didn't laugh, but they would have if they understood it. So I casually walk out the door, spinning the ball on my fingertip, and I run into Aaron again. He was waiting for me on my driveway.

"Y-you intentionally did that to humiliate me!" he stammers. "And that poor mutilated creature that was on your premises...you're in way over your head!"

"Hey, over my head. Get it? Haha."

"W-what? Just give me that ball and the charges pressed on you won't be as severe as they could be!" By this time, his kids have ran up behind him to watch the commotion.

"Sure, you can have the ball. Go get it." I drop-kick the ball with the intent of kicking it way across the street, which would make him have to run and chase it. However, the ball makes contact with my foot at an angle so it flies up to the side, right into his face. He crumples onto the pavement.

"Oops." I shrug.

"Oh my God! Dad!" his pimply-faced son screams. He kneels beside him and shakes his limp body, crying in that high-pitched, nasal voice of his, 'Dad! Dad!"

"Well, he practically jumped in front of it."

"Dad! SPEAK TO ME! DAD!"

"Looks like you have everything under control, though." I bend down to pick up the brown leather wallet that had fallen out of my slain neighbor's pocket.

"Y-you KILLED him!"

"No way," I protest. "The ball did it. Anyways, I'm gonna go off and, uh...notify the next of kin."

"I AM the next of kin! He's my dad, remember?!"

"Oh, right. Then...your dad is dead."

So I leave him crying as I saunter back into the house, shuffling through the contents of the wallet. It looks like there's just enough money to repair the window. Excellent.

By the way, he's actually out of the hospital now. He only had a mild concussion. Must have been one of my weaker kicks.

[Tomates]

Oh my god. Well i guess in a way he had it coming. It was deffinatly rude of him to do that. I have some pretty shitty neighbours myself. 1 wont pay for the mud mess that they made a year ago on my lawn and we have a ton of bratty kids who ended up ding dong ditching my house three times in the summer.

Your story also reminded me of the time i had two of my friends come over for a sleepover. I was sleeping in since i sleep in pretty late due to the fact i have insomnia and can never get to sleep before midnight or so. Anyways, apparently my friends got up pretty early that day and went upstairs and started cooking breakfast, also they didnt even notify my mom, I heard this all from my mom but i guess apparently my mom woke up to a bunch of noise coming from the kitchen and when she went in there she saw my two friends rummaging through the cabinets with their flu infested hands and started to cook breakfast. My mom is kindof overprotective with her kitchen and she was kindof appalled by the fact she saw my friends going through her kitchen and trying to cook pancakes without her permission. She was like "umm...Do you need any help?" and they just said "no no were fine"
I didnt know that happened until a few days later and i was just kindof taken back by that.

Also just the day before i had one of them come up and say "were having a sleepover at your house friday okay?" I was in a position where i didnt want to say no because ive already rejected a sleepover before from them due to a busy scedule so i didnt want to say no again. I regret doing it because they were both pretty sick when i was healthy and i ended up getting really sick after that.
So after all of this i dont plan on having anymore sleepovers.

I hope you get some better neighbours reidar. If not, i suggest an electrical fence

[heyo-captain-jac...]

That's nothing.

My neighbors get in fights, often armed. And my grandma's old neighbors made eggrolls, and every time they brought us some, one of their dogs would go missing.

Edit:
They made good eggrolls.

[Tomates]

That's nothing.

My neighbors get in fights, often armed. And my grandma's old neighbors made eggrolls, and every time they brought us some, one of their dogs would go missing.

That also reminds me, my old neighbours use to sell child pornography. Then they got arrested

[shanaynay]

My neighbors aren't that bad, one just has dogs that dont STFU, the others have had a loud party or 2 but nothing bad.

Also, Did you break the dudes nose in a way that he'll look F'd up the rest of his life?

[Reidar]

Also, Did you break the dudes nose in a way that he'll look F'd up the rest of his life?

I thought I did, but then I remembered that that's just how his face always looks.

I don't plan on living here long, so hopefully I'll be rid of these people soon enough.

[MilitaryFlower]

OMG...wow...i couldn't even think to do all that...

Is he out of his mind...wtf...personally
i probubaly would have shot him...violence
solves problems...

[Reidar]

Violence isn't the answer.

It's the question. The answer is yes.

[karmakiller]

Hitting him with his own possession killed his pride, too. Good thing you got that window fixed, or he might've saw it as an opportunity to stop by again. Nothing builds character like being told your dad is dead after he took a toy ball to the face.

[Tomates]

Violence isn't the answer.

It's the question. The answer is yes.

I always thoguht it was Violence isnt the answer its just the fun way of solving problems?

[MilitaryFlower]

either way violence should be involved...
... and a bullet would have been
up his butt ...how old is the neighbor?

[1angel3]

I wish someone would walk in my house, they probably would get shot and killed. Your neighbor was lucky.

[Reidar]

either way violence should be involved...
... and i bullet would have been
up his butt ...how old is the neighbor?

He's 43 and the leader of a local faith-based organization.

[sixfive]

I wish someone would walk in my house, they probably would get shot and killed. Your neighbor was lucky.

By you? Or maybe your idiot dad?

[MilitaryFlower]

He's 43 and the leader of a local faith-based organization.

43... you would think he's old enough to know better...

and if his smart enough to be the leader of anything he should be smart enough not to walk into peoples houses...
guy seems really stupid...wonder if he knows something way worse could have happened for just walking into someones house...

[1angel3]

By you? Or maybe your idiot dad?

You're very immature, I'm not going to start this mess with you again. Grow up!

Btw, my dad said you can kiss his ass!

[sixfive]

You're very immature, I'm not going to start this mess with you again. Grow up!

Btw, my dad said you can kiss his ass!

[MilitaryFlower]

You're very immature, I'm not going to start this mess with you again. Grow up!

Btw, my dad said you can kiss his ass!

[heyo-captain-jac...]

You're very immature, I'm not going to start this mess with you again. Grow up!

Btw, my dad said you can kiss his ass!

[fameONE]

leader of a local faith-based organization.

You went easy on him. This type of behavior is unacceptable. Redeem yourself, Reidar.

[dowhead]

Haha that's so awesome. I loved the deer carcass part.

[lkajsfklajskds]

This totally made my day.

Reidar, if you wrote a book, I would buy it right away. Even if it's about your neighbor.