Is it time to break up??, Relationships Options

[katebaybayy]

so i dont know if im just overreacting.. but my boyfriend doesnt trust me talking to guys or hanging out with guys. He gets angry when i tell him a guy is good looking and he tells me i dont want him anymore (??).. i know i get angry when he talks to girls but its only because hes so nice to them and ive yet to see his nice side myself.
then, he tells me that he has something important to tell me concerning our relationship but he said he would only tell me in person when i had been trying to get a hold of him all day he finally texted me around midnight saying he was going to bed and he wouldnt tell me even though i had been waiting to talk to him all day. i told him if he cared about my feelings he would tell me and not make me wait all day to know because i have a feeling its something bad.
am i overreacting?
what should i do?
please help!
oh, and weve been together for 3 years

[tokyo-rose]

so i dont know if im just overreacting.. but my boyfriend doesnt trust me talking to guys or hanging out with guys. He gets angry when i tell him a guy is good looking and he tells me i dont want him anymore (??)..

Controlling and possessive. I'm guessing that you've tried to talk to him about this, but that it didn't work. If you haven't, I can predict that he'd react angrily and deny it, or some crap like that.

Yes, it's time to break up.

[katebaybayy]

yes i have talked about it with him but he just says that he doesnt want me to find out that i want to be with someone else.

[tokyo-rose]

yes i have talked about it with him but he just says that he doesnt want me to find out that i want to be with someone else.

Then it's time to let go. I know it's hard since you've been together for so long, but it's not worth it to be in a relationship where he gives you BS excuses for why he doesn't want you communicating with other guys. I mean, no one wants to find out their boyfriend or girlfriend has been cheating on them -- but that doesn't mean your boyfriend can be so controlling of you.

[katebaybayy]

thats true. i just find it hard to let him go because when we arent fighting everything is amazing!

[tokyo-rose]

thats true. i just find it hard to let him go because when we arent fighting everything is amazing!

How often do you fight?

[katebaybayy]

um almost everday over stupid things.

[aaayotiffany]

wow. this reminds me of my last relationship. not so much the fighting part. he didn't trust me at all when i trusted him entirely. it was hard. my ex was over-protective and possessive and all that junk. but i dealt with it for almost three years because i loved him. then something happened and i couldn't take it anymore.

well obviously, you have to talk to him. but you have to stay strong for yourself, its okay to flip out because you have been together for a long time. but if you guys fight everyday and he gives you bs excuses and junk, its really not worth it. life's too short to be dealing with bullshxt like that. if you guys been together for such a long time, he shouldn't be so jealous and over-protective. if you've never cheated on him, he should have no reason to feel so insecure about you chilling with other guys.

so yeah, its probably time to break up. unless you truly feel like you guys could work something out.

[katebaybayy]

yeah. well i try talking to him and when i do he either shuts down, ignores me, or just up and leaves. that or he gets pissy and defends himself as if hes always right and i feel like hes blaming me for everything.
and he tells me that i dont make him happy sometimes because i bxxch at him for stupid things.
like how he lets his mom talk shxt about me and never tells her to stop when ive been asking him to for almost a year. i told him it would make me feel better if he would at least tell her even if it doesnt help because when he doesnt it makes me feel like he doesnt care about me.
thanks for the advice

[tokyo-rose]

yeah. well i try talking to him and when i do he either shuts down, ignores me, or just up and leaves. that or he gets pissy and defends himself as if hes always right and i feel like hes blaming me for everything

That's what I meant by him giving you crap. You can't, and shouldn't, have to take that. It doesn't matter how amazing he is when you're not fighting. All the behavior he's been exhibiting is completely unfair to you. No offense meant to him, I'm sure he used to treat you well, but he's turned into a jerk.

[katebaybayy]

yeah he used to be so caring and respectful.
like he used to talk about spending the rest of his life with me and how he pictured our wedding and stuff..
and now when i try to talk about it he freaks out and gets mad and doesnt talk to me

or when he hears a baby crying hell get pissed off
idk lol

[mipadi]

so i dont know if im just overreacting.. but my boyfriend doesnt trust me talking to guys or hanging out with guys. He gets angry when i tell him a guy is good looking and he tells me i dont want him anymore (??).. i know i get angry when he talks to girls but its only because hes so nice to them and ive yet to see his nice side myself.

Isn't that hypocritical? It sounds like neither of you really trust each other.

then, he tells me that he has something important to tell me concerning our relationship but he said he would only tell me in person when i had been trying to get a hold of him all day he finally texted me around midnight saying he was going to bed and he wouldnt tell me even though i had been waiting to talk to him all day. i told him if he cared about my feelings he would tell me and not make me wait all day to know because i have a feeling its something bad.

Of course, he's kind of being a jerk about this, but maybe he's just nervous to talk about it, and maybe it'll take a little prompting to get him to open up. Don't let him clam up so easily; he probably wants to talk about it, but just doesn't know how to do it.

[katebaybayy]

well in a way it us hypocritical but i mean its just because when i have guy friends i dont go out of my way to be nice to them and stuff but he does and the girls he used to be friends with would email him behind my back knowing i wouldnt be able to read them and they would talk to each other about me and it just makes me feel uncomfortable. as to where when i talk // email a guy i let him read them. i just found out about him emailing them the other day when i got his pw lol.

and last night i asked him to tell me what he wanted to talk about for almost 2 hours but he wouldnt so i just let him go to bed.

[aaayotiffany]

yeah. well i try talking to him and when i do he either shuts down, ignores me, or just up and leaves. that or he gets pissy and defends himself as if hes always right and i feel like hes blaming me for everything.

like how he lets his mom talk shxt about me and never tells her to stop when ive been asking him to for almost a year.

okay, no. he's treating you like crap. you don't deserve that. and if he's letting his mom talk crap about you and he doesn't do anything to change that, thats messed up. i've heard about not caring what other people say because they just hating on what you guy have but its his mom and he should at least TRY to change that.

i just found out about him emailing them the other day when i got his pw lol.

and thats snooping. thats really bad. that doesn't make anything better. i understand you let him ready your stuff but unless he tells you its okay, you really shouldn't do that because its just going to make matters worse.

[katebaybayy]

well he didnt mind me going through his email so it was okay. but then when i told him i read certain ones he said 'oh i forgot those were in there'.. ??

and his mom found a shirt on her couch and thought it was mine (which it wasnt) and she called him when he was at my house saying i owe her money for acting like her house is my hotel or something. i told him to tell her to stop but all he says is 'ok.. bye' its so annoying!!!

[tokyo-rose]

The overall message here is: Break up ASAP.

[katebaybayy]

HAHA.

alright thanks. ill talk to him tonight!

[aaayotiffany]

honestly, i don't think all this junk is worth it. but see you're the one dating him, not me. so it really depends on how you feel about him and if you think you guys could move on past this.

[katebaybayy]

well i dont know what to do. and lately i feel like its not worth it either, youre right. im just scared i wont find another guy like him or w/e . and i hate being single! plus he was my first TRUE love lol

[Kontroll]

yes