too sexual? jealousy? ex gf? wtf?!, a jumble of mixed feelings, basically Options

[aphrodisia]

I wish I could explain everything in a sentence, but I can't... so please bear with me as I try to explain my mixed feelings - I'm not very good at that. I've been dating my boyfriend (we're both 17) for 5 months now, and lately, I've just been thinking (that tends to get me in trouble) about some stuff and it's just really starting to bother me. Please give me your honest opinions? Thanks!

So I've been in one other serious relationship prior to this one, so I don't really know if this is like 'normal' or whatever. Lately, I just feel like all he wants is to get some (we've only done oral). Every time we're hanging out and alone, we end up at third base pretty much. I'm not blaming it entirely on him cause heck I enjoy a good time once in a while too, but it's just that it has consistently happened for the last few months. And he's really like not a perverted guy; I mean, all our friends say I'm more perverted than he is. haha! So my question - Is this normal to be doing sexual stuff that often? I guess I'm so worried cause I was pretty much used as booty in a past relationship. The guy that I thought I knew turned out to be a huge jerk and just used me. That was like my first relationship too, so it was just a hard hit and I guess it has stuck with me. Cause although I do enjoy the sexual side, I want a relationship to be an emotional connection too.. and I feel that if I lose that emotional connection, I'll be back to square one like in my past relationship where I was just being used. Frankly, it's degrading and hurtful. I just don't want to go through that again.

Another thing that bothers me is his ex. Don't get me wrong - she is the sweetest, nicest person ever and she would NEVER do anything to hurt me. Seriously, she's a peach. But gosh, does she have to be so darn pretty? Haha, well that's not the real problem. I don't have a problem with HER per se, more so with my boyfriend. I know that that still hang out alone and they talk to eachother everyday practically (which is great that they're still best friends!), but I think that he still kinda likes her. They started dating end of freshmen year to middle of sophomore year but they were on-off-on-off. Both times, she broke up with him. So I know it's been like year since they've dated, but I just can't help feeling jealous cause they are so comfortable with eachother and my boyfriend is always the one that initiates contact with her. I don't think he's purposely trying to make me jealous (cause that would be a bitch move!) Honestly, I'm normally not a jealous person and I know that I don't have very good reason for why I think he still likes her, but you know when you just have that gut feeling? Yeah, I have that gut feeling just by the way he acts, looks and talks about her. So question - Do you think I'm just being paranoid?

I know people are going to tell me to talk to him, but frankly, I don't really want to because I'll just feel stupid... like some jealous, cynical, insecure girlfriend with serious trust issues (which is pretty accurate as far as this post goes but regardless). This may all sound stupid after a few hours and I may feel like a bozo after I read this again, but I've been up thinking about it (I tend to overthink things and blow it out of proportion which is ANOTHER reason why I don't want to talk to him about it) and I just felt the need to write about it. It's my remedy for coping. This made me feel better... somewhat.

[LoveToMySilas]

Take baby steps. You have two different conflicts going on right now. I think you should address the one thats bothering you the most right now and I'm sorry but you need to talk to him. You may feel stupid, but hes not a mind reader and he probably doesn't know that you feel this way. Thinking too much makes you overlook simple things. Just take a breath and remember...baby steps, no rush.

[queen]

a lot of girls instinctively know when a guy likes a girl. it's 'cause we're pretty good at recognizing when a guy is interested in us. if you feel he's exerting those same signals to his ex, there's a good percentage you're right.

even if he doesn't want a relationship with her anymore, there are most likely still (romantic) feelings that remain, judging from your description of the closeness of their relationship.

maybe you could talk to him about your insecurities.

[aaayotiffany]

this actually happens a lot in long-term-ish relationships. many go through a period of time when things get really sexual. but thats what usually keeps things interesting in a relationship, for SOME people. but i guess try to calm it down and see where it leads you guys.

as for the ex-girlfriend, its normal for you to feel a bit jealous if they are soo comfortable with each other. because hey, what girl wants her boyfriend to be so comfortable with their ex, when they have them? you know, thats alright. as for him, he probably still has a little bit of feelings left for her because they did go out, and he'll always care for her, but i don't think you should have anything to worry about.

but really, you do need to talk to him. and you shouldn't feel like some jealous, cynical, insecure girlfriend with serious trust issues because it just means you care about your relationship and he should understand that.

[aphrodisia]

even if he doesn't want a relationship with her anymore, there are most likely still (romantic) feelings that remain, judging from your description of the closeness of their relationship.

that reminds me of a thread i read earlier where somebody mentioned physical & emotional cheating. i'm not saying that i think he's cheating, but the romantic feelings bit rubs me the wrong way... a whole lot. :(

as for the ex-girlfriend, its normal for you to feel a bit jealous if they are soo comfortable with each other. because hey, what girl wants her boyfriend to be so comfortable with their ex, when they have them? you know, thats alright. as for him, he probably still has a little bit of feelings left for her because they did go out, and he'll always care for her, but i don't think you should have anything to worry about.

but really, you do need to talk to him. and you shouldn't feel like some jealous, cynical, insecure girlfriend with serious trust issues because it just means you care about your relationship and he should understand that.

thanks, that was really helpful. i didn't think of it like that. i guess i just got all disoriented cause this was eating me up. thank you.

but how do i bring something like this up? cause you know, there's really not a good conversation lead-in whatsoever haha. and we don't often talk about our exes and stuff like that...

[Sandraaa]

Another thing that bothers me is his ex. Don't get me wrong - she is the sweetest, nicest person ever and she would NEVER do anything to hurt me. Seriously, she's a peach.

LMAO! You're so naive.

[espressive]

you have to talk to him. simple as that.

[aphrodisia]

I apologize for what I am about to let you know. He wants to hit home base. I have an awesome best friend. I don't hang out with him as much as you say your boyfriend hangs out with her. Please be aware and prepare for the worse.

Wait. I don't understand. How does your awesome best friend and hitting home base correlate?

LMAO! You're so naive. rolleyes.gif

It's true! It sounds suspicious and naive if you didn't know her but I swear I'm not lying and I'm not going against my better judgement. I know innocent girls who are... well, let's just say - not so innocent? But this girl is like really nice. Ask anybody that knows her. She doesn't do anything except kissing and she doesn't want a bf right now and she doesn't initiate convos with my bf. I know, for a fact, that she's not interested. And to top it off, she was the one who broke up with him.