teehee Options

[dustbunny]

OKAY EVERYONE, DON'T LAUGH. I wrote this like 2 years ago for an english assignment. mm it was supposed to be a sonnet; it's actually somewhat autobiographical.

Do you still remember them? Those summer days?
That endless feeling of eternal, everlasting exemption?
That snug warmth hitting your toes, that split-second sensation
of bliss, like vines curling up your body, the sun’s golden rays.
That walk, I still remember, will always remember, on that morning
It was a Sunday, I believe, too early, too cold, yet we walked.
Going nowhere in particular, just walked, just talked.
Our bare feet moist from dew, we cherished everything.


Do you still remember them? Those summer nights?
Our bodies entwined underneath the stars, the combination
Of our breaths misting gray against the sky, our infatuation
Discreet, hidden, fogged up and out of everyone else’s sights.
What fools we were, what a fool I was, thinking things would last,
All those days, nights, now they’re simply just a memory in the past.



the last couple of lines I find really corny, but I just don't know how to rephrase them in a less generic way without losing the rhyme.

[superstitious]

Ha, that's the danger of rhyme. It's like, you will rhyme dammit no matter what the cost! XD

I sort of had "Summer Nights", from Grease in my head while reading this (which isn't at all a bad thing, it means you set the summer mood).

And summer totally feels like an "exemption". That's a unique way of putting it.

[dustbunny]

exemption from school

I've never heard Summer Nights from Grease (I know, shoot me) but yeah, sometimes the need to rhyme really limits options. T_T

[brooklyneast05]

i remember betty. oh yes, i do.

[dustbunny]

[*absinthe*]

Haha, I like this, Betty.
Even though you think it's corny, I like the ending.

[Tung]

i want to make love to you.

[dustbunny]

LIKE YOU WANT ME TO, AND I'LL HOLD YOU TIGHT BABY ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT

/end serenade


THANKS JAN. :)