no time v. distance, advice? Options

[mytangerine]

it's been a while since i've felt the need to post a topic in this forum; probably because things haven't really been that bad overall, but..

I am "talking" to this guy, i can't even really define it as talking since in the time we've been talking, we've only hung out one time. But, I say we're talking because we have phone conversations everyday with the whole point being getting to know each other well enough to have a decent relationship eventually. ya dig? Anyways, so his name is andrew & he works a lot. He has absolutely no time for me, let alone anyone else really. From school, he goes directly to work & everytime we talk on the phone it's on his way home from work, since that's the only time he can. I really like him & he is the one guy I could see myself having a really long relationship with. It just frustrates me that we can't spend anytime together; if we could things would be great.

Another thing is, I just recently got in contact with a really old guy friend of mine from elementary school. We had gone to school together to fourth grade, fifth grade, I switched schools & we faded quickly. We have been texting so much & having super conversations on aim, & recently started talking on the phone a lot too. The thing is, this guy is like my twin. I swear, we are so much alike, it is crazy. We are also able to talk about anything & be completely open with each other. It's really amazing & I'm actually completely paranoid I'm going to end up falling for him instead of Andrew, mostly because I talk to this guy, Zach so much more & I can tell him anything, whereas with Andrew I have to hold a lot of things back because I don't want him to not like me. I know it's silly, I should just be myself, but I'm just shy with Andrew, yet super outgoing with Zachary, I don't understand. Problem with Zachary is, he lives at least an hour away, while Andrew lives in the same suburb.

Problem simplified-
I'm starting to think it would be better just to be friends with Andrew until he gets less busy but I really don't want to loss him as a potential boyfriend. And talking to Zachary so much is completely confusing me & throwing me off, since I begin wondering more if Zachary will call me than I do Andrew.

what to do, what to do?

[absinthe]

As for Andrew, friends is your only option. There's no point in investing feelings in a guy who doesn't have time for you as perfect as he may seem. If its meant to happen, maybe you two can pick up after his life slows down a little, and a relationship is possible.

As for Zach, don't rush things. If you guys are open and comfortable with each other, just let it continue like that. Give yourself time to understand your feelings and wait for things to develop if they ever do. He might be relationship potential, or he might just be a really good childhood friend.

[mytangerine]

thank you very much.

[fameONE]

I think you don't need our advice and you just needed to lay it all on the table, then make a decision.

[treschicgeek]

^^ Agreed. Seems like you're in check with everything that's going on so I'm pretty sure that with time you'll eventually figure out what to do with both situations.

If I were you I'd stay friends with Andrew simply because of the fact that you have to hold things back. I definitely think that's not a good thing to start a relationship with. The time thing seems really bad too despite the fact that you guys live in the same suburb.

With the Zach guy, you guys seem to have the history and the good "ground work" for a romantic relationship. My boyfriend & I are long distance, & I'm not gonna lie...it's tough, but since you guys seem like you already keep in good contact with each other & are comfortable together, I don't see the distance as too much of a problem.

Hope that helps.

[MeanBastard]

Solution
1. Get a job.
2. Get a car.
3. Don't hook up with Andrew because no time = no relationship growing.
4. Hook up with Zachary.
5. When a break up happens, look back and think about how much a waste of time it was.

[mytangerine]

Solution
1. Get a job.
2. Get a car.
3. Don't hook up with Andrew because no time = no relationship growing.
4. Hook up with Zachary.
5. When a break up happens, look back and think about how much a waste of time it was.

i get my license next month, which will mean a car & a potential job, sir.
i'm having second thoughts about andrew since i just recently heard that he still isn't completely over his ex & zach is definitely proving to be a better alternative by the day. eep. i feel awful.

[MeanBastard]

Hook up with Zachary... It seems simple to me...

[mytangerine]

i don't know. andrew at least called me yesterday & apologized for not calling in a while, so i haven't given up hope yet. i think he just needs to sort things out. i really don't want to drop him that fast, there's no reason to really besides the fact that zachary is slightly more fun & easier to talk to. if he does still like his ex, then, ya i'll drop him, but i don't know that for sure, i only heard that. i really like him.

[NoSex]

Dude, how about you just stay single and become more comfortable and loving of yourself?

Seriously, read some books and study a subject that interests you (it's time well spent). Investing in unrealistic romantic relationships isn't a great plan.

[dustbunny]

^ just don't go reading any unrealistic romance/chick novels under the "young adult" section..!

[mytangerine]

i hate those kinds of books anyways. i don't believe either potential relationship is unrealistic actually & i am incredibly comfortable with myself, i was merely wondering what other people would do in my situation & just plain asking for some advice. sheesh.

[NoSex]

i was merely wondering what other people would do in my situation & just plain asking for some advice. sheesh.

I would remain single.

You asked for advice, I gave it. If you need to ask a bunch of strangers which guy (A or B) is best for you, you're barking up a stupid f**king tree.

[Keelo]

I think you don't need our advice and you just needed to lay it all on the table, then make a decision.