Lost.. Options

[dpl313]

So with the New Year coming I've sat up and got some goals together for the new year, and looked back at this year. There's one thing that's been messing with me more and more lately. My adventures with dating.

Ever since I got interested in dating I have got hurt a lot. When it comes to getting hurt in dating I have some stories to tell. No exaggeration on that. But year after year I try to keep telling myself that things will get better, and I try to downplay the negative things by thinking positive. I do my best to be myself. I'm a nice guy. I don't let people walk over me nice, but the type of guy who does volunteer work, holds the door open for people, etc.

But especially after this year I finally realized. My luck with dating is not getting better!!! I look at my guy friends around me, and I watch what they do. I notice they are the opposite of me when it comes to dating. They are players, nymphomaniacs, and complete pricks to the girls they talk to. Sad thing is the girls they talk to keep coming back to them, and stick around them strongly!

I talked to my friends about this and they said, "I shouldn't be so picky. Just go out have some fun, have sex, and have a you don't care attitude." About being picky. I get girls that drop subtle hints for sex at times and I turn them down. I turn them down, because I'm not into flings or stuff like that. I'm still a virgin, and I just want to lose it to the right girl. Or I have a girl that shows interest in me every blue moon , but usually the girls that show interest in me weird me out for one reason or another.

My friends also said, "stop trying to find the right girl and find someone." When it comes to dating for me I just want to meet the right person, but it seems that dating these days is only about height, money, what you look like, and not who you are as a person.

My friends also critiqued my confidence by saying I need to be more confident. I'm not shy, but when it comes to talking to certain girls I'll approach them, but as stupid as this sounds. I feel physically timid sometimes. Like my body is holding me back from what I want to say. I don't know how to get past that?

Then if I get interested in any girl? It's always you're a nice guy.. but insert some lame excuse. Most recently I got interested in my friend, but she got with our mutual friend who only wants to f*** her.
Then occasionally I get to know a few nice girls. Then they describe everything they want in a guy, and in some cases they describe me almost to the "T." But when I show interest in the girl she pushes me away.

So I've been wondering is it easier for a 21 yr old male to just be a prick, and be the bad boy type to succeed in dating? I'm sure they're the nice girl types out there who would say just be who you are, etc. But how I am today seems to have me dead last in the dating game. Not what girls and women ideally like, but what do you girls and women realistically go for in a guy?

I hope no one takes this for some depressing rant, because that's not my intent.

[MissHygienic]

Wow, does anything ever change? What do girls really want in guys, why are they so confusing, why is dating always so shallow? First of all, how can dating not be shallow? You can't tell anyone's sweet or non-sweet personality through first glance.

I don't think what anyone will say here will make you feel better, at all. It's not what girls want or don't want that's in your way. I think it's you who's overestimating himself. You reject girls that pursue you because you're "weirded out" by them, but I don't think you're in any position to reject girls. If you can't get the girls you want, well, that's not their problem. If the girls you want are into bad guys, let them be, but don't criticize them because you can't have them.

Also, your friends are giving you the right advice. That is, if you really have a need to be with a girl. If you don't, it's not bad to be picky at all, it's being assured about what you really want. I don't think anyone should ever sell themselves short, and you're only 21, life goes on. Most people don't have serious relationships until in their late 20s or early 30s. It's all about being at the right place at the right time.

As far as what I like in guys? My boyfriend. I love a guy who knows more than I do and can teach me things. I love hard-working guys, and guys who take care of their bodies. I'm into men who have the same ideologies and philosophies about life as I do because it makes conversation interesting. I love a guy who can mentally challenge me, and at the same time, physically and emotionally support me.

[MissFits]

You seem like a REALLY nice guy. And that's awesome. I am sure you will find the right girl for you. Don't throw away all your morals because your friends are getting more poon than you. Wait it out and it will be worth it

Now, no girl wants to date a guy that's too nice. The stalkeresque clingy insecure behavior is not attractive. Try to avoid that.
That weird feeling you get when a girl shows you interest? I used to get that, too. I don't think it's normal but it does happen to other people if that makes you feel better. I would usually tough that out for a few days and it led to some really great relationships with sweet guys that I am still friends with today.
I used to be painfully shy, but sometimes you have to make yourself speak out. I wouldn't have any of the friends I have today had I not stepped out of my comfort zone to talk to them.

To answer your question, yes. Sadly, girls usually go for the guys that are bad for them. Some day, hopefully soon for your sake, you will meet a girl that is ready to settle down.

Personally, I like guys that are intelligent, kind, and an individual. I like when a guy is willing to protect me but not overbearing. I love musical knowledge and talent. I love a guy that accepts me and can treat me like one of the guys but also treat me with the respect I deserve.

[LoveToMySilas]

Sadly, any girls are attracted to a-holes. Building your confidence does help though. It definately shows when you're girl-hunting. Perhaps going to your guys for help on this isn't the best idea. Maybe you could try conversing with some of your girl friends and have them hook you up? Hey, you never know. It can work out a lot more than you think. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. I guess its just cause everyones too busy thinking and having sex to notice, which sucks. But you really do seem like a nice guy. You'll find someone, just give it time. The whole having your girl friends hook you up isn't such a bad idea either. Good luck!