Christmas Log, What the SH%$!! Options

[bat19]

As I sit here on my scarred hardwood floor, sipping Tangerine-Cream soda and listening to Beastie Boys: The In Sound from Way Out (For a funkadelic good time go check this cd out. For every cd sold, a child in Africa realizes how shitty their life is and migrates to America. Every little bit helps.), I can't help but lament on my morning activities. It all started out normal, me slowly waking on said floor at the crack of 11:45am after a night of multiple B-O-N-G hits which left me in a state of blissful degression to a more primitive state. After waking, I realized that my nights binging of Handi-snacks and Keebler Grasshopper cookies had left me with pains in my abdomen. I walk into the conversation area of my apartment to see my flatmate sitting eating Pops from a chipped ornamental bowl. He tries to impede my progress with idle conversation which I skillfully disengage myself from. Then I sit on my toilet and pray for the best. My prayers were ignored.

The absolute biggest shits I have ever taken in my life clawed their way out of my rectum. These were huge, they had the shape of a lightbulb only slightly bigger. My ass hurt very bad and it took a while to stand. Flushing was another hurdle to cross, as the shits were just too f**king big. The water slowly began to rise but quick thinking made use of the plunger which held it's position at the side of the porcelain toilet. After three quick churning movements, the water fell through with whirlpool action and hurricane force, and the ordeal was finished.

After I was sure the danger was over, I went out to the conversation area to tell of my adventures to my flatmate. His reaction was less than what I'd hoped, showing more disgust than amazement. I hope my tale will help whoever should find their attentions fixed to it and I hope your prayers are with my anus. Thank you, and Merry Christmas.

[*Steven*]

I was in my friends apartment and he nearly burned it down as I lay sleeping on his couch. f**k his couch, n***a.

[hypnotique]

For some reason when i have eggnog or anything with dairy I get diarrhea

[bat19]

I now sit in the middle of my conversation area (or my living room) in a lawn chair, which is only used for lack of furniture, listening to Smashing Pumpkins Greatest Hits because who wants to listen to Smashing Pumpkins other songs, I'd rather kill myself but then again I'd probably do that anyways after listening to f**king Smashing pumpkins, great band but the singer is a dick and they're pretty depressing. Anyways...
My anus is recovering. It doesnt hurt as much to shit and sitting has become comfortable again. Yay!!!
What should I do for my girlfriend for christmas (keep in mind that I wont be seeing her till Wednesday so I still have a little time to prepare).

[*Steven*]

Dude Billy Corgan is a huge dick.

[hypnotique]

Billy corgan graduated from my middle school so when i was like in 8th grade they had him come to our school and talk to us.

I shook his hand.It was cool.He acted like he was a giant hero.
But then i learned that he was singing at a subway in downtown chicago and I lost all respect for him.