Why aren't we together????, I don't understand... |
 Aug 16 2007, 11:41 PM
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#1
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 Tasty.  Group: Member Posts: 471 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,784  |
Okay so I've like this guy (borderline love) for about 2 years. I finally told him I like him last christmas. But the timing wasn't right...or so he said. We go to different colleges in different states, so you can see how hard this could get. So I figured to wait until summer to see if things could work.
We would talk online or text everyday it seemed. I would always confide in him my problems and him to me. We know stuff about each other that no one else knows. So summer came and we hung out a lot. And finally I asked him what his problem was. He's so hung up about his ex that the last 2 "girlfriends" he's had, he's cheated on with his ex. He said he didn't want to do the same to me because he cares about me too much. I mean when we had this talk he felt like such an ass because he was so confused about everything. Again, it seemed like the timing wasn't right. But I'm always going to like him. For some reason I have this gut feeling that him and I are like soulmates. We're so good together! Then, about 2 months later, he tells me that he's dating this girl from him work.  I try to act casual, but inside I'm hurt beyond belief. I don't get it!! He gave me the b.s. excuse that since we're so far from each other at school, it won't work. He's never told me that he likes me only as a friend but I'm slowly beginning to think that maybe he does...What do you guys think I should do?? I want to tell him that he hurt me, but I have a feeling it will just open up all new problems and may uncover truths I don't know if I'm ready to know. And on top of that, she's 17, he's 19...when you're 23 and he's 25, thats no big deal, but around this age it is! I just think I can be perfect for him. But I just don't know how to tell him... |
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Aug 17 2007, 12:34 AM
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#2
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 msladyliberty Group: Member Posts: 151 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 105,766 |
I had something like this happened to me once. Except it was my friend who wanted more than just "friends." We're perfect together, and blah blah...but I didn't want to take it to the next level, simply because I wasn't ready for someone like him (at 17).
He "says" he loved me since we were like 11 + 14 (I know I was super young!). I was afraid of losing one of the greatest friendships I've ever had. Of course, I had a crush on him and all, but I didn't want to risk it. Maybe he feels that way too. My friend even told me he was hurt when I started dating other guys and I felt so bad. He just cares for you too much and probably doesn't trust himself to be serious with you. He must think you're too good of a person for a guy like him (well in my case, my friend was too good for me i thought). It's good to talk about it. Then you'll know why he won't be serious with you and maybe that will give you some understanding. |
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Aug 17 2007, 12:55 AM
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 I know you're gonna save me Group: Member Posts: 295 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 447,431 |
This exact same thing happened to me. It's not even funny, literally the very same thing (almost...) I have this one guy friend, who is like the best friend I've ever had, and I can tell him anything and he can tell me anything, etc. Anyway, I fell in love with him and he basically told me he didn't feel the same when I told him. I kinda just let that slide, since I knew we were perfect for each other (I really knew, no doubt in my mind)and he was still my very best friend. So after that he started getting into this one girl, and he went after her for awhile and they started dating eventually. It really sucked, too, because he handled the whole thing horribly and almost rubbed it in my face even though he knew how I felt. ANYway, I eventually realized that if things wouldn't work out with us as a couple, then I should just put my energy back into a friendship. So now we're back to being really good friends and nothing more (I told him I was ok with just being friends, even though I'm sorta not...) I just think our friendship is too valuable, and I don't want anything to mess it up.
Well, after my ramblings about my own life, what I'm trying to say I guess is that you have to think to yourself, "I know it would be wonderful if we were together, but am I willing to give up everything to strive for that?" If having nothing more than a strong friendship is what he thinks will work with you two, then all you can really do is accept that I think (well, thats what I'M doing at least...) Just focus on being a really good friend, and who knows? He might come around after all. Again, this is all just wahat I"M doing, I could be totally wrong about everything... |
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Aug 17 2007, 01:49 AM
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 sleep now, moon Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 2,540 Joined: May 2007 Member No: 526,212 |
i don't think he likes you further than friends. sorry.
if he did, then he wouldn't be dating some other girl from work, would he? saying, "the timing isn't right" ... wtf, really. might as well say he doesn't like you that way. if you tell him you like him more than a friend, and he doesn't tell you back he likes you more than a friend, then what are you expecting? look at reality. |
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Aug 17 2007, 03:15 AM
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#5
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 yan lin♥ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,129 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,627 |
that kinda happened to me. basically, neither one of us wanted to do a long-distance relationship, as he was in AZ and I was in MA. so, I thought that we were going to talk things out about where the two of us were when he goes to college this year nearby. but instead, I found out a week or so ago that he already has a girlfriend. I'm slightly disappointed, but I'm also happy for him since she's an amazing person.
in your situation, I think that it's probably a combination of 1) he's over you and 2) he just never liked you as much as he said he did. find another guy worth your time. |
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| *chaneun* |
Aug 17 2007, 03:18 AM
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#6
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Guest |
cause you ugleehhhhhh.
and no, it's not a big deal when you're 17 and 19. it's just a two year age gap. hell, there are 16 year olds dating 18 year olds. you're just overreacting because maybe.. you're not quite up to par on his standards of beauty, and you agree. :) |
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Aug 17 2007, 03:22 AM
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#7
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yan lin♥ Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 14,129 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 13,627 |
i just saw what you call the "age difference". a 2 year age gap between any age isn't a big deal. at all. hell, i know 19 year old guys dating 15 year old girls. now that's pedo.
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Aug 17 2007, 05:24 AM
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 WarPath Leader. Group: Member Posts: 668 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 216,721 |
Indeed age doesn't count like i always said, but the one big problem was, you waiting 2 years to tell him about that... did you ever trought what if you could've said all str8 up like 1 year before? maybe then he could've seen you more then just friend but after so much time passed, he began to see you as a simple friend with a such called brother/sister relationship.. that's why he could confide in you since he trought you 2 might not be together as a couple... so you were like excluded from that image from the first place... and another thing is you cannot make someone like/love you since he sees in you nothing else then his best friend/sister... and that's why he could tell you he is dating that X girly anyway...
Also a 17 yrs old girl is more mature then a 19 yers boy... but hey this are just my 2 cents minus yer loss |
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| *Sandraaa* |
Aug 17 2007, 05:49 AM
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#9
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Like someone else said earlier, he doesn't want to lose you as a friend. There's a guy I really really like but can't and will never be with him simply because I'm not good enough for him even though he likes me.
Romantic relationships can ruin extraordinary friendships. Do you want to risk it? Ask him then if you really do not understand. Ask him about you two. You can only get your answer from him and not from us. |
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Aug 17 2007, 05:51 AM
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#10
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 << >> Group: Member Posts: 579 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 495,827 |
You're in the friend zone. There's nothing you can do.
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Aug 17 2007, 10:17 PM
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#11
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I know you're gonna save me Group: Member Posts: 295 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 447,431 |
^ Couldn't have said it better myself (and I managed to use up several paragraphs trying to explain it too...)
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| *chaneun* |
Aug 17 2007, 10:29 PM
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i'd like to add more.
you say he doesn't want to be with you 'cause he doesn't want to hurt you. i think he's telling the truth. you're a selfish little broad who just wants to get in his pantiewanties. ;o oh, i mean.. yeah you're in friendzone. |
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Aug 18 2007, 11:26 AM
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#13
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Tasty. Group: Member Posts: 471 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,784 |
QUOTE(chaneun @ Aug 17 2007, 10:29 PM)  i'd like to add more. you say he doesn't want to be with you 'cause he doesn't want to hurt you. i think he's telling the truth. you're a selfish little broad who just wants to get in his pantiewanties. ;o oh, i mean.. yeah you're in friendzone. hahah yeah i'm not gonna lie, getting into his "pantiwanties" would definitely be fun!! lol. thanks guys for all this, it has helped to understand everything. the more i think about it the more i realize that what we have now is too good to mess up, no matter how much i want it. and yeah there have been some other potentials, so don't think i've been waiting for this guy for too long! thanks again! 
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Aug 18 2007, 12:01 PM
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#14
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Member Group: Member Posts: 18 Joined: Jul 2007 Member No: 553,231 |
I feel sorry for you. It hurts like $^%&#. I'm not gonna give any advice, but whatever you do I wish that you can make it come true.
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Aug 18 2007, 12:37 PM
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#15
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Member Group: Member Posts: 18 Joined: Jul 2007 Member No: 553,231 |
 o F*&^% it!!!! give it your best shot and tell him everything you feel. Get ready for the consequences. As long as you did your best you will not regret the fact that you tried. Therefore if the plan fails, it's going to be easy for you to let go. Don't be a wuss like me. All I can do is hide in the dark and stay there to the point that I forget there's such a thing called, light.
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Aug 19 2007, 01:19 PM
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#16
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 235 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 148,772 |
oh that kinda sorta happened with me before my current boyfriend and i dated, before we dated, we were just friends, then later we talked more and more, the more we talked the more we got closer, and the closer we got the more i fell in love with him, but one day, he told me that he got a girlfriend(or ex now), i felt so hurt when i heard that, but i acted happy for him but then a week later, he found out that his girlfriend(or ex now) cheated on him, so i talked to him and comforted him like i always do since we first met, then when hes about to sign off, i told him that i love him, but he took it kinda in a joke way, cuz he kinda didnt really know i meant it,even though i do mean it, til almost christmas came, thats when i asked him What do you want for Christmas? and he said "Something that i've always wanted" and i started guessing stuff and til i said "A Girl?" he kind of did paused but then he said NOOOooo and i felt kinda disappointed, but then i gave out hints that the guy i wanted is HIM and when he founds out that its HIM he said "remember the christmas present?" and i said "Yes" he said "You are the one that i've always wanted" and yes we're still dating from Dec.22 07 til now and forever <33333 almost for two years!<333333
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Aug 19 2007, 02:06 PM
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 Mais je ne l'aime pas Group: Member Posts: 971 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 108,135 |
There's a possibility that he's dating the other girl because he knows that if he were to cheat on her with the ex, the guilt wouldn't be as bad as if you were his girlfriend.
If you think this guy is your soulmate, then just give it time. Remember that old adage, "If you love someone, let them go"? Let him go. Let him explore the world. And let yourself do the same. If you two were truly meant to be together, then things will fall into place accordingly. |
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Aug 19 2007, 02:31 PM
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#18
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<< >> Group: Member Posts: 579 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 495,827 |
QUOTE(kenshinx0079 @ Aug 18 2007, 10:37 AM) o F*&^% it!!!! give it your best shot and tell him everything you feel. Get ready for the consequences. As long as you did your best you will not regret the fact that you tried. Therefore if the plan fails, it's going to be easy for you to let go. Don't be a wuss like me. All I can do is hide in the dark and stay there to the point that I forget there's such a thing called, light. If you're prepared to ruin your friendship of 2 years, then by all means listen to this STUPID and completely IDIOTIC advice. --- kenshinx0079 It's really easy to tell someone to be all gung-ho and reckless when it isn't you who's going to be hurt in the end. Isn't it? |
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Aug 19 2007, 06:26 PM
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#19
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I know you're gonna save me Group: Member Posts: 295 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 447,431 |
^ Just what I was thinking. By all means, throw away what I'm sure is one of your most valuable friendships because in all the movies the person who risks it all gets what they want. Forget the fact that this is real life now, just tell him everything and get along fine without him when that totally fails. Brilliant
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Aug 22 2007, 03:44 PM
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#20
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Member Group: Member Posts: 18 Joined: Jul 2007 Member No: 553,231 |
QUOTE(false @ Aug 19 2007, 03:31 PM) If you're prepared to ruin your friendship of 2 years, then by all means listen to this STUPID and completely IDIOTIC advice. --- kenshinx0079 It's really easy to tell someone to be all gung-ho and reckless when it isn't you who's going to be hurt in the end. Isn't it? This idiotic advise is what I'm doing right now. Telling this stupid advice is really hard for me. I lost my friendship with Selena because I love her. I know the consequences, I know my chances are slim but I took it like a person, a man, and an honest friend that I can be. I can be her very best friend all over the world but I never wanted it. Because I don't want to smile whenever she's with someone else's arms. I don't want to say nice things to her that isn't real. I'm getting tired of whispering to the wind saying "I love you" whenever she passes by, hoping it would reach her heart. 2 years, you say? It doesn't matter to me. Life isn't measured by how many breaths I take, it's measured by how many times she takes my breath away. It was never easy for me but I never regret every single step I take. Loving a person is never wrong. Forcing others to love you is wrong. I am stupid and I am an idiot, that's how much I love her. |
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Aug 22 2007, 04:49 PM
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#21
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<< >> Group: Member Posts: 579 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 495,827 |
QUOTE(kenshinx0079 @ Aug 22 2007, 01:44 PM) This idiotic advise is what I'm doing right now. Telling this stupid advice is really hard for me. I lost my friendship with Selena because I love her. I know the consequences, I know my chances are slim but I took it like a person, a man, and an honest friend that I can be. I can be her very best friend all over the world but I never wanted it. Because I don't want to smile whenever she's with someone else's arms. I don't want to say nice things to her that isn't real. I'm getting tired of whispering to the wind saying "I love you" whenever she passes by, hoping it would reach her heart. 2 years, you say? It doesn't matter to me. Life isn't measured by how many breaths I take, it's measured by how many times she takes my breath away. It was never easy for me but I never regret every single step I take. Loving a person is never wrong. Forcing others to love you is wrong. I am stupid and I am an idiot, that's how much I love her. No matter how many love quotes you include in your post, all it really says is " I took a stupid chance and got nothing to show for it. " Bravo. |
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Aug 23 2007, 07:29 AM
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#22
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Member Group: Member Posts: 18 Joined: Jul 2007 Member No: 553,231 |
In fact I got something. I learned to love myself more. I become more honest not just to myself but to my friend. Instead of bring a hypocrite, I showed my true self. To assume that I'm giving an advice because I never done it is wrong. To make an assumption that I didn't get anything is wrong. And to force your opinion on me, by saying my advice is idiotic and stupid, is wrong. What have I done to you to say offensive things to me? I never said anything offensive to you at all.
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| *Steven* |
Aug 23 2007, 09:04 AM
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#23
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Man you're mean christine.
17 and 19 isn't a big deal at all. I'm 19, my girlfriend's 17. We've been dating for a year and a half.
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