my new [unfinished] zombie story Options

[Watttt]

its not done yet but please Rate and Review. i need feedback. thank you

silenti etc orior oriri ortus
[the dead rise]

It was a nice sunny day in suburban Texas, Unless of course you counted the zombies swarming throughout the world threatening to destroy all of mankind. Then it was quite a bad day. It really all depends on how you look at it. Anyway, it was a good day [give or take a few million zombies] and Austin Smith woke up to find a zombie staring down at him idly. Zombies [or the Italian name Zom-bies] had overrun the earth. In fact it has been overrun for exactly 4 months 3 days and 36 minutes. So back to the story. Austin Smith woke up to find a zombie staring down at him. This was odd since he was sure he had locked the house up for the night. Kevin Smith, a short, heavy man around 40 got up and staggered around the zombie to the kitchen where he had the weapons. It was ironic that the one night he forgot to sleep without a weapon a zombie should appear. But this is life and as a close friend once told him “shit happens”. Once he got to the kitchen he grabbed his meat pounder and knife then clobbered as quickly as possible [which for him was slower than you might think] to the zombie which was making his way to the kitchen why all this was transpiring. He slowly made his way through the house till he was behind the zombie. He slowly raised the pounder as not to alert the ghoul
[which already knew he was there but to slow to turn around] and quickly brought it down on the zombies skull which cracked and left part of the brain exposed. the Brain was grey with black spots which formed after the solanum [the zombie virus] had rotted away the frontal lobe and mutated the back making it non dependant on its organs such as its heart, lungs, and intestines which is why you can only kill it by destroying the brain. By this time the undead assailant had turned around and made an attempt to grab by raising his right hand at Mr. Smith who thinking fast got out of the way and smashed through the arm breaking bone and tearing muscle leaving the arm usless. He quickly took the knife out and brought it down into the corpses brain leaving a gash then repeated the process three times. The ghoul fell to the floor twitching its diseased ridden saliva dripping onto the floor forming a puddle on the ground.

was it good? was it bad? oh the suspense is killing me

[*Programmer*]

good although the details should be left the the middle part of the story . your putting a little to much explaination at the very start of it. intrigue the reader to want to read on!

[Watttt]

good although the details should be left the the middle part of the story . your putting a little to much explaination at the very start of it. intrigue the reader to want to read on!

thank you =]

[*Moderator*]

Nice. My only comment is that you do tend to add more detail than you should. You don't wanna go and give them everything, let the reader guess a little, let them figure out on their own as Rico said.

[TimeZonesAway]

wow; good news. it was really easy to picture. like i could imagine each detail in my head like a movie. and have it make sense
bad news. you stopped writing
lol. i beg you to write more because i'm interested in the zombie world that you have written.

oh the suspense is killing me

well now it's killing me because i want to know what else happens.=)
i think you should continue on with it and write more about the zombies and the people.=D

but i must say that i do agree with Programmer and about putting too much detail in the beg.

and i also must ask; are Kevin and Austin brothers? or father and son..or..??

[Watttt]

Im sorry austin was one of the names i was considering for the main charaxter. i added it accidently. the name is Kevin.l sorry about that and i have corrected it. thanx for the support- Griffin