BF's ego bruised after we wrestled, Why can't guys deal w/losing to a girl? Options

[judojen]

Please help!

I have a problem w/my BF's ego. A few weeks ago I finished taking beginner level judo classes and earned my yellow belt. I really enjoyed the classes and found i was pretty good at it, even tho' i'm not really muscular (i'm tall, 5'9", but slender, and weigh about 125lbs)...plus i'm a pretty girly-looking girl..i wear my hair long and like dresses, etc., and am considered a "looker."

Anyway, b/c of all this,my BF didn't take my classes very seriously and when I told him i got my yellow belt he just laughed. A lot. And when he was done laughing, well, I was kinda mad and so I challenged him to a wrestling match.

He's about my height but has at least 40lbs on me, and he didn't want to do it at first but after I said 'your just afraid of losing to a girl' he was like, "OK, let me teach you a lesson'.

So we got going and he didn't try very hard at first but when i tripped him w/a leg sweep and he went down, he got miffed and started to really try hard to beat me. Well, long story short, I kept using throws to send him to the floor til he got really tired, and then eventually, I pinned him!

So i had a little laugh at his expense and said "I hope you learned YOUR lesson", but since then he hasn't let it go, and kept after me for a rematch, saying "I got lucky", etc...last week I finally said "OK" to one more match b/c he wouldnt stop asking, and, well, I beat him again.

Now he's totally bent out of shape and keeps trying for another match to prove he can beat me and I need help b/c I'm sick of his pissy attitude!

Was I wrong to defeat him? Should I just fake it and let him win? I keep telling him it's just b/c I know judo and he doesn't but he's still mad!!!

[*Monochrome.*]

You just tell him to get the f**k over it like a real man would.

[Mystic Eyes]

That's pretty silly of him. I don't care if I lost to you since you know Judo and I don't therefore you have an advantage on me. If he knew Judo as well then i'm sure the match would of been more even. It's just a guy thing really. Men can't stand to lose to women because of the whole men are stronger jazz.

So tell him to be a real man and get over it and be proud that his gal is able to look after herself.

[PuppyChan]

I think your boyfriend is just a wuss *teehee*. I'm sure he'll get over it. I know nothing about Judo but I'm pretty strong...I can beat up my uncle and brother no probs XD.

But, yeah.....I'm sure he'll stop pestering you once he realises that he can't be beaten *teehee*.

[alysaphobia]

Haha, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend would flip out if I beat him at wrestling.

C'mon... no guy would want to lose to a girl that way.
I say... don't bring it up again, ignore your boyfriend's requests to re-match, and tell him it's just a wrestling match- not the end of the world. Who knows, you might have been "lucky".

[tokyo-rose]

Males have been thought to be stronger than females throughout pretty much all of history. They're "supposed" to be that way. Your boyfriend knows this and maybe he's afraid his friends will tease him for losing to a girl in wrestling.

[judojen]

I have told him I don't appreciate him saying i "got lucky"...i even explained to him how judo works and that I was only able to pin him b/c i waited til he got tired from picking himself up off the floor so may times after I threw him but he just won't let it go.

I'm sure he's embarrassed and that makes me feel guilty, but he's desperate to prove he can beat me (i suggested he take classes w/me and he's like "i dont need to"

short of letting him win and pretending he was able to beat me all along, I dont know what to do (he was never ike this b4, btw)

any other girls ever experience something like this? maybe it will help if he knows he's not the only guy ever to get beaten by the "weaker sex"

[*Monochrome.*]

Ive wrestled my boyfriend all the bloody time.I kick his ass once in a while.Sometimes i let him win.Sometimes he wins on his own.

He used to whine about it but hes over it.

[EmoEyelinerx]

Hes probably just embarassed..i mean how many guys get beat by their girl in judo? Just ignore it i mean if he keeps asking you for a re-match just tell him no and to stop asking because its getting anoying.

[*Intercourse.*]

Wow sounds like he really is bent out of shape about it. Perhaps you could talk to him about it or something? I mean he really should have given you the benefit of the doubt and believed that you could beat him because I mean I can't stand it when some guys thinks he can hurt me just because hes bigger than me.

I think perhaps you should just give it time for the most part, and not try fighting him again from the sounds of it.

[judojen]

I really have tried talking to him about it but he just gets mad and challenges me again. He was so cool b4 this started and now he's such a jerk.

and then when he sez stuff like 'you got lucky' and all, it's hard for me not to want to kick his ass again to shut him up. I mean, it's all about me being a GIRL--he doesn't even acknowledge that I know judo and he doesn't.

I'm caught between feeling guilty for bruising his male ego and being really mad that he's disrespecting me as a woman.

I was thinking of giving him an ultimatum if he keeps challenging me: ONE more match and then that's it--whoever wins, the other one accepts it and we move on--no more matches after that.

what do you all think?

[*My Cinderella.*]

It sounds like he's just a sore loser. I don't think you should continue to have these matches. I mean you'll say that it'll be the last one, but if you win he's only gonna want to prove his "superiority" once more. Just give it time, he'll have to get over it.

[*Frénésie*]

Haha, that's hilarious. Let him beat you. Seriously, there's no other option.

[judojen]

I guess I should just agree to another match and pretend to lose, but to be honest, I really don't want to.

I know he would lord it over me and say 'told you you got lucky" and worse b/c his 'tude has been so disrespectful about my judo skills to begin with. And I hate the idea of playing the "weak female."

[*steve330*]

You could also tell him what you're doing and offer counters. I wrestle w/ my friends allllll the time and I hate losing too. The other night I lost to a friend cuz I was careless and I know I can beat him but w/e not much I could do. I just let it go and I'll whoop up on him another time :D
But yeah, if you're doing a certain thing, tell him what it is and show him how he could possibly counter it. Don't be confrontational. If you bite your tongue for the time being, and give him all the attention in this matter and help him "beat you", then I presume things will get back to normal and his ego will be up again.

[*Frénésie*]

Look, sometimes we have to let them win. That's something you've got to understand. You can't always be right. If you don't want things to get out of hand, let him win, let him tell you 'I told you so' even if you don't want that.
Things might get really ugly if you don't take control. In a way, you're saving your relationship. He's a guy, he's got ego, that's life. Don't win the match, let him 'beat' you.

[*steve330*]

You can't always be right.

Never EVER heard a girl say that ;)