A cinderella story that was never there., should I brake up with her now Options

[gr00vyswordsman]

Ive been thinking about this for awhile, and really appreciate your alls thoughts. If your in a relationship, or were in one, What would you want to happen? I thank you all cb who are reading! I do have some feelings for her still, though in the end we don't really work together ( some differences in personality and hobbies that just dont fit and will never....fit)

Let's say you were in a relationship and your boyfriend had to move to a new state for some months. Believing your boyfriend still loves and wants to continue the relationship, you bought flight tickets to see/spend time your man for 3 days, and the last time you saw each other was 3 months ago.. Though in reality, he would have the relationship aspect not coninue.

Though he still would like to be friends with her, she may be hurt too much and not wanna accept his friendship. Would you rather have the relationship aspect stop before or soon after the visit? ( keep in mind already that she already bought flight tickets).

[*suddenly she*]

I say before. She's just going to get all riled up for the trip back when you come back, and then you're just going to have to disappoint her by breaking up then while she's so excited. Or you could chicken out while you were with her and not get the point through... so go for it now.

Let her know that you still want to be friends, and that it's okay if she doesn't want to accept that right away. If by the time you're flying and she's still hurt, you've got other friends, right?

[alysaphobia]

definitely tell her before.
she'll be hurt and disappointed enough as it is. if you let her come visit you, it'll probably be really awkward... since you might end up acting like everything's normal, and that you're not ending the relationship in a few days...

i've had an experience with a long distance relationship where my bf/i were visiting each other... my bf invited me to spend some time with him and we had a really great day together, watching movies and sharing memories. the very next day, he broke up with me. it hurt so much that he was kissing me, hugging me and joking around so recently before he ended the relationship... please don't put your gf through this. going from an almost euphoric state of happiness to crazy depression in less than 1 day is catastrophic.

[gr00vyswordsman]

&/degradanca I see what you are saying, since you've been there i believe ill take your word for it. Though, you think would it still be as catastrphic or...bad if I were to wait a week to tell her after her visit ?

[alysaphobia]

yes, i think it'd still be bad to tell her after the visit.
her flying out to see you is a pretty big deal. it's the first time you guys have seen each other in 3 months. you don't really want to make her feel like "the whole time i was visiting him he was only pretending he still wanted a relationship with me!"
it's a tough situation, but breaking it off before she visits you for the first time in a while would probably be wise.

good luck

[*Uronacid*]

What are her intentions?

Is she comming up to visit because she has feelings for you, or is she comming up to visit you because you're her friend?

1.

If she's comming up to visit because she has feelings for you: If you're just going to break-up with her then I think you should say something to her. It unfair to her if you don't tell her where you're at in the relationship. Don't let her build up her hopes and dreams any longer. The longer you wait, the more feelings she will have built up, and the more painful the break-up with be.

At this very moment, not telling her what you're thinking is like not telling a constuction crew you're going to demolish the building they're building while they are building it. Ethier way it will be upseting, but if you tell her in advance at least she will be prepared for it.

You have to respect her feelings and love her by telling her. Yes, there are times when loving someone means breakign their heart. Also, I wouldn't worry about the cost of the plane ticket. Althgouh it is unfortunate that she may not be able to get a refund. "Not having your heart torn out" is worth a lot more than a plane ticket. Maybe you could offer to pay for half the ticket as compensation for not telling her sooner.

2.

If she's just comming up to visit you because she's your friend: If she's looking for a vacation then I wouldn't worry to much. It doesn't sound like this is the case though.

[*My Cinderella.*]

If you no longer think that the relationship is what you want, you should tell her how you feel instead of building up her excitement to only be faced with bad news. Tell her exactly what you told us and remind her that you'd still like to be friends. Afterall, it has been over 3 months since you two have last seen each other. Feelings sometimes just...go away.

[gr00vyswordsman]

hmmmm.....i believe I know what Im going to do. My mind is much clearer.
&/degradanca, My Cinderella, Uronacid and everyone, thanks for your input! Ive also listened and been thinking for awhile. Usually I dont share what im going to be doing as of result, but you all informed me some things to ponder on and consider in my desison making. So, really she was wanting me to give up some of my hobbies and my interests ( i cant do that, we talked about it and it didn't go anywhere) ...and im going to talk to here again tomorrow, and if it doesn't go anywhere in "my" vision, or cant come to some fair agreement, then it will have to come to an end. To be honest with myself, and all you...I might be saddened for a lil' bit...but ill be fine for the most part I do believe.


" if thats the case you both sacrifice something for each other, if not and its only you sacfricising something it wont be a fair price to pay.

.......not that this is a comedy issue, but i thought this was funny "Yeah, don't go giving up your interests and likes for a girl, if thats the case then, tell her she has to give up makeup! She how she feels, and if she could do it. What ever happened to accepting someone for who they were, and what they liked?"

Im off to bed with a good night sleep! :) :)

[*Intercourse.*]

Okay, I'm just going to answer every question you asked.

If your in a relationship, or were in one, What would you want to happen?
I don't really set expectations on relationships. I think in the end you may get disappointed for setting them to high so I just don't bother. I mean over time I will get some expectations but their not set very high. I mean if I was getting in to a relationship I would at least want it to work out and get to know the person and make a true effort not to let it fail.

Let's say you were in a relationship and your boyfriend had to move to a new state for some months.
Well the funny thing about that paragraph is. My boyfriend lives in New York and I'm stuck in North Carolina, yet its always been that way. I went and saw him in December (mid) and he came and saw me in December as well (late) and thats the last time we've seen each other. I really see it as if the other person makes an effort to want to come see you then they have to really like you and care about you. Since I mean they did take the time to buy their own plane ticket and take off work and other things to come see you.

not have the relationship continue and after the girl has bought the plane ticket
To be honest, I think if you really felt strongly about not wanting to be in the relationship anymore I think you should throughly explain why you don't want to be with your partner so they completely understand. And then I mean most relationships do end in friendship so if they already bought the plane ticket then why not still come down and have a good time? Or if a refund was available they could always get that if they didn't feel that way.




reading your newest post
Well I'm glad you talked to them about it all and how you really felt. Communication is one of the major things that relationships lack now-a-days it seems. I don't think they should keep you away from your hobbies or interests thats what makes you, you. And if they can't accept those then they can't accept you in the end so I mean sometimes they have to make a sacrifice and I don't see this as being to big of one.