If only I were you... |
 Feb 13 2007, 04:14 PM
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CHYEAAHHH MAN  Group: Member Posts: 1,255 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 168,013  |
It is as if everywhere I turn, their eyes just pierce my skin. I have no haven from a pain that is not even real. It isn't something tangible, it is only within my own mind. All I know is the fear and the pain, never the joy, freedom, or happiness. I scrutinize and analyze myself in hopes of uncovering something worthwhile, but all I have uncovered is regret for looking. Maybe I'm not good enough and maybe it's just a sham; this live I live. I
I wrote this before my sociology class. A lot of things were going through my mind and I just needed to get it all out. I know, some of it doesn't make sense. |
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Feb 13 2007, 09:47 PM
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 164 Joined: Oct 2006 Member No: 470,731 |
um. first & last name please. this is so going on my binder.
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| *Uronacid* |
Feb 13 2007, 11:15 PM
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Seems like a blog post... it's writing none the less.. I love the thought you put into this, I like how you compare yourself with the rest of humanity telling the reader that you aren't different.
I like this... it's really interesting... I mean, I would love to know what your going through in life right now... :] |
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Feb 13 2007, 11:34 PM
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I'm Cattt. :] Group: Validating Posts: 1,722 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,831 |
The punctuations and the capitalizations in this piece are lacking. Maybe you typed it in a hurry or something, I don't know. But if you were to hand it in to a teacher, it would be marked off for that.
I like the strength that you give with the "I breathe. I ..." It really gives power to the whole piece. It reminds me of the "I Have A Dream" speech. The repetition of the short and simple "I..." gives a lot of meaning. Great work. |
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Feb 17 2007, 12:02 AM
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#5
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CHYEAAHHH MAN Group: Member Posts: 1,255 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 168,013 |
QUOTE(janejumped @ Feb 13 2007, 9:47 PM)  um. first & last name please. this is so going on my binder. kevin ung =) QUOTE(Uronacid @ Feb 13 2007, 11:15 PM) Seems like a blog post... it's writing none the less.. I love the thought you put into this, I like how you compare yourself with the rest of humanity telling the reader that you aren't different. I like this... it's really interesting... I mean, I would love to know what your going through in life right now... :] For the past like eight months, I've been doing very routine things. I'm clinically depressed and I have so much going on in my life. I go to high school maintaining a 3.5 GPA. I also go to community college right now and I'm taking two courses so I can get them out of the way for next year. I am working about 30 hours a week every week in one job and I babysit almost every other spare moment I have for a little more money. I basically pay for everything myself as in I bought my car, I pay for insurance, gas, food, books, my college tuition, basically everything imaginable except for heat, electric, rent, and water. I came out of the close about a year ago and after recent events, I am questioning myself and wondering why I ever chose to came out. I am having a great deal of trouble dealing with who I really am. I try to be perfect in every way and when people make one little comment, I tend to overanalyze it and end up making myself feel horrible. I try to force myself to go out with friends, but I always end up canceling because I am afraid I'm going to have fun and enjoy myself. I know this all sounds like your average teenager, but there's a lot more to go into and the plot only thickens from here. QUOTE(xMyStIcShAd0wSx @ Feb 13 2007, 11:34 PM) The punctuations and the capitalizations in this piece are lacking. Maybe you typed it in a hurry or something, I don't know. But if you were to hand it in to a teacher, it would be marked off for that. I like the strength that you give with the "I breathe. I ..." It really gives power to the whole piece. It reminds me of the "I Have A Dream" speech. The repetition of the short and simple "I..." gives a lot of meaning. Great work. I'm seriously the worst with grammar so I don't see anything wrong because I don't know what is wrong or right. Haha...but could you explain to me what you meant? I have like, FOB-ish writing and I'm so bad at it. And thanks for the comments everybody. For some reason, I write a lot better when I'm in one of my "emo" moods. =) |
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