Is it wrong to stil date...?, (no future) Options

[bambamboozle]

A little lengthy, but....

Me and an old ex got back together recently.
I feel bad because I broke it off the first time, for really no reason I can recall. It was just summer and I didn't want a relationship.
Now we're back together and things seem fine. He's really sweet to me, but it's a little awkward on my behalf. I know I'm never going to get into anything serious with this boy and now that I'm able to have some closure, I realize I'm not really that emotionally attached to him.
I know he feels differently, is hoping for there to be more in the future, and he loves me...
I feel like I'm kind of leading him on...Don't get me wrong, I like him, but I just want things to be slow and casual. Holding hands, pecks, someone to talk to. Nothing more and not anything more in the future. I like the attention and the fact someone cares, but I want to keep my space and independence.
I'm not sure if I should just let things be or if I should do something since I know I don't see us having a future (plus, I probably won't give him the attention he wants back).
I don't know. Any advice?

[me1issaaaa]

If you don't feel it, then let him go. If you keep him hanging on youe every word, you'll only break his heart so much worse later on.
Maybe you should tell him that you just want to take everything slow, not so serious. Let him know you want to just date, since that's what you want to do, right? Not really see other people at the moment? That is completely understandable. You're young, and you're smart enough to know that you don't want to rush into anything. Just keep it casual and fun, like you said.
Good luck

[multifaceted]

Work it day by day.

Your feelings might change.

[krnxswat]

If you want your space and indepence, break it off with him.

Being in a relationship is all about allowing the other partner beyond the barrier, and learning to become more dependepent with one another, not the other way around.

But, you said you don't want anything serious. So, who knows.
I feel like you're better off as friends.

Seems like you just like the attention he gives you.

[D0RkxBUTT]

i kinnaaa understand what chur goinq thru.

[Mikhayl Wilson]

Hmmm.... well if you don't feel that way .. then maybe it would be best to let him go... but just give it a little time. If you know for a fact that you're not going to have afuture then its kinda pointless... thats just my opinion. Just don't make him feel like he's being lead on...

[misoshiru]

i kinnaaa understand what chur goinq thru.

oh, and that totally helps her.

Like Melissa said, if there's nothing there, it's better if you break if off now. So 1) you won't lead him on and 2) he won't be hurt as much if you break up with him now than in the future.

[D0RkxBUTT]

well i now that doesnt help much and all buhh like me i dumped him fer the wrong reason buhhhh if she still likes him just continue cusz if you have regrets then it isn`t good.

[*Uronacid*]

A little lengthy, but....

Me and an old ex got back together recently.
I feel bad because I broke it off the first time, for really no reason I can recall. It was just summer and I didn't want a relationship.
Now we're back together and things seem fine. He's really sweet to me, but it's a little awkward on my behalf. I know I'm never going to get into anything serious with this boy and now that I'm able to have some closure, I realize I'm not really that emotionally attached to him.
I know he feels differently, is hoping for there to be more in the future, and he loves me...
I feel like I'm kind of leading him on...Don't get me wrong, I like him, but I just want things to be slow and casual. Holding hands, pecks, someone to talk to. Nothing more and not anything more in the future. I like the attention and the fact someone cares, but I want to keep my space and independence.
I'm not sure if I should just let things be or if I should do something since I know I don't see us having a future (plus, I probably won't give him the attention he wants back).
I don't know. Any advice?

Break it Down

It sounds like you're skeptical. It seems like you're not willing to give again because you don't trust in the relationship, and if this is the case there's nothing wrong with it.

Why do I think this:

• You repeatedly state that you don't want to be "serious".
  • "I know I'm never going to get into anything serious with this boy."
  • "I want to keep my space and independence."
  • "I know I don't see us having a future."
  • "I broke it off the first time, for really no reason I can recall."
• You talk about takings "slow".
  • Many people say this because they need to develop trust.

It makes perfect sense not to open up when you feel like the relationship is going no-where. In fact, it's actually pretty smart not to. Closing yourself to someone is a natural defensive tactic your body has to protect itself. It's simple yet effective. Simply put, "Why throw yourself on someone who:

• you don't think will last?"
• you don't have trust in?"

Now to your original question... should you break it off?

Well, I don't like telling people what they should or shouldn't do (although I do it sometimes >.>), but I will tell you what I think and allow you to form your own conclusion. After all, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime" If I tell you what to do in this situation you might just go do it and not learn anything, but if you understand the logic behind your choices you will learn to trust your own judgment.

Back to... Should you break it off?

Well, for me there are two positive reasons to enter into a relationship:

1. You're looking for a long term relationship (possibly ending in marriage)
2. You just want to have fun. (It's not serious, maybe you just want to add a little spice to your life.)

It sounds like you have entered into a relationship, you are definitely NOT looking at long term possibilities, and from what you said in your first post you are NOT having fun. It sounds more like you feel guilty because things aren't reciprocal (words that express mutual relation (eg each other, one another). Example: The gospel teaches us to love one another.) and it's really bothering you because you feel guilty for not giving as much as he does.

My Conclusion

You need someone who will move at your pace or allow you to catch up to them, but doesn't everyone? You're upset because you don't trust as quickly as he does, and you don't feel right because you know the feels aren't equal. What you do is your own choice, but whatever choice you do make... COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

[bambamboozle]

Thanks guys, especially Uronacid.
I guess it's true, I don't give trust out too easily.
I'm going to stay with him for a little, but I'm going to have to talk to him.
If he's willing to take it slow for me, we'll stay together. Otherwise, it isn't worth it.

[multifaceted]

^ Well Josh has read a lot of relationship books. He should know a lot.

If you weren't emotionally involved with him before and now, why did you guys get back together again?

[*Uronacid*]

^ Well Josh has read a lot of relationship books. He should know a lot.

If you weren't emotionally involved with him before and now, why did you guys get back together again?

Thanks Cat... you're advice wasn't bad either... In fact, if you think about it, she took your advice... xD

Thanks guys, especially Uronacid.
I guess it's true, I don't give trust out too easily.
I'm going to stay with him for a little, but I'm going to have to talk to him.
If he's willing to take it slow for me, we'll stay together. Otherwise, it isn't worth it.

Good decision... xD

[bambamboozle]

Well Cat...I guess I got back with him because there was a sense of "well, maybe we'll work out, maybe there's something there." We had initially dated 2 years ago so the fact we were both still even thinking of dating again made it seem like we had something. I dunno, I just want it to work.