appreciation/attention, frustration Options

[Dabme]

alright so my bestfriend expects so much from me (my attention whenever he asks for it, expects me to say yes whenever he asks me to do something, and he ALWAYS asks me to do things i would never do for any one else, not even my self) but its complicated because he makes me feel sorry for him and so everytime he asks for something i just do it. But i hate it because he doesnt do things for me in return, and the things i (indirectly ask/things you should already do when your someones bestfriend) he doesnt even do. Its like whenever we try to have an important conversation and its time for me to talke he never pays attention or he starts listening to what other people are saying.Then he complains that i never say anything when we talk, but thats only because he never gives me time to talk! hes always the one whos talking.

- i feel like hes using me...
-any of you guys have this problem
-HELP? any suggestions on how i should fix this problem

[eboarder2020]

I personally think that this person isnt out there to help you out as much as you are willing to help them out. The friendship has to go both ways.

[liklibo]

I agree with the above.
He doesn't seem committed to being a good friend, and probably just tells you his problems because he doesn't have anybody else to complain to. (perhaps)

[Kontroll]

Listen, don't listen to them. He obviously is your friend, or at least that's the impression that I got. Anyway, the reason he is this way is because you're letting him. Right now the ball is in his court because no one has challenged him.

He's not making you feel guilty...You are feeling guilty because you feel that you should be a good friend and do things for him even though you get nothing in return. So, you're making yourself feel guitly. Understand? Don't blame your feelings or actions on another person.

You have to tell him that things are going wrong between you two, and that it has to change. You have to confront him. As hard as it is, it will help. It's been in my experience, a relationship builder. I have never had a bad experience from confrontation. Ew, my RootBeer just tasted like pickles. Haha. Sorry, but you have to do that. He's not going to change if no one tells him he has to. He's not using you...He's just taking advantage of the situation. He knows how you will react and plays on it. If you throw in something new, he will definitely listen..Maybe not at first, but there should be a change in both your attitudes.

Also, tell me. If you were gonna go about this with out any help from some one else, how would you try and fix the situation? Seriously.. I want to know.

So, that's my advice. I suggest you listen. Cause, confrontation really does work. Peace.

[*Uronacid*]

The only one that can use you is yourself. You are the only one who can do things. If you feel like you're getting used, you need to stop. A healthy friendship has to be mutual a give-take thing. If it's give-give you're going to feel used, and eventually you will question your friendship with that person. You should take a little bit.

Try this:

CONFRONT HIM! CONFLICT ISN'T A BAD THING! TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! Dring it up and talk to him about it. If you guys work it out then your will feel good about yourself, and you will probably get treated better. If he refuses to understand, and you feel like he's take take taking... then repeat the process, or stop being friends with him.

P.S. JakeKKing has some pretty good advice.

[multifaceted]

You really need to tell him what you told us. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

[Dabme]

Ew, my RootBeer just tasted like pickles.

lol.

Also, tell me. If you were gonna go about this with out any help from some one else, how would you try and fix the situation? Seriously.. I want to know.

So, that's my advice. I suggest you listen. Cause, confrontation really does work. Peace.

i think that if i had not asked for any help, i would have just let him keep using me because i really care for him and i wouldnt want to ruin a good relationship just because what he does. i know that sounds really stupid and yea it is, but someone like him doesnt come along very often. i mean he kind of brought me to the light a while back..but now hes just not the hero i use to see him as. i kind of feel like i owe him, but thats not the problem. you see im the only one who really cares about him, cause everyone likes to say things behind his back.

but thanks for the advice, i think i will confront him about it when i see him this weekend. i kind of dont have the courage to though, but i'll see if i can conjure it up!

you guys have been a great help.

Try this:

CONFRONT HIM! CONFLICT ISN'T A BAD THING! TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! Dring it up and talk to him about it. If you guys work it out then your will feel good about yourself, and you will probably get treated better. If he refuses to understand, and you feel like he's take take taking... then repeat the process, or stop being friends with him.

P.S. JakeKKing has some pretty good advice.

thanks sounds like a plan. now lets see if i can pull through. we kind of hit it off in a good friendship in the begining but as time progessed i let him take control. he told me he was always the follower, and well i kind of gave him the job of being the leader in a friendship. i think that im the one who screwed this all up. i dont want to put the blame on him, i'll take the fall of this if i have to, because i dont like to let other people go through something if they dont have to. especially if they are close to me. but we'll see what happens.

thanks lotz

[lilJdawg]

You should confront him &stand up for yourself. Why do you call him your bestfriend if he doesn't appreciate you &the things you do for him?