love poem |
love poem |
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#1
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![]() Call me Elsie Mae ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 936 Joined: Aug 2005 Member No: 207,655 ![]() |
I can`t keep sittin here thinkin` yooh are mine
khuz yooh still be messin` wit dem dimes. i'm not lonely bhu i`m certainly hurtin`. the boy i love keeps on flirtin`. "Yo0h can play around too" bhu why would i do that if it might end up loosin` yooh. Member our promise, "never to loose one another" khuz me & yooh always got each other bhu wha if one day a boy took ur place & we could neva see each other face 2 face. We had the chance & we still do to call each other one & only boo. i`ll still keep waitin` khuz i knoe you love me. jhus the way that i need you to be right next to me. Patience is the key to love. Struggle is the pain to love. Through thick&think i`ll be by ur side khuz this love of ourz shall never die |
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#2
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Member ![]() ![]() Group: Member Posts: 16 Joined: Jan 2007 Member No: 493,314 ![]() |
This is pretty good, i can see what your trying to do with this and your doing it to a point, some parts seem a little repetitive to me but it's not a big deal, I'm assuming that English is not your first language because i seen quite a few spelling/grammar mistakes, that makes it a little more difficult to see that whole picture, anyhow, like i said, it's good but i feel like you could switch it up a bit to keep the reader more interested, all in all, i would rate it a 6/10.
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