My Mom. |
 Dec 18 2006, 01:06 AM
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#1
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.  Group: Member Posts: 3,264 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 761  |
So last week, my grandma (89 and on my mom's side) fell and broke her hip for the second time in three years. She was supposed to get surgery for it on Friday, but the doctor wouldn't let her because they said that she has a blood clot and her heart wouldn't react well with anesthetics and she might not wake up.
She lives in Beijing, along with my 2 aunts and my uncle went to take care of her. My mom can't go visit her until January because her company doesn't allow breaks until early January. The first day my mom heard about it, she was really quiet and stayed in her room all day. Over the course of the week, she got really moody. Like I would say something to her and she'd scream at me and a few minutes later she'd be really nice. Yesterday, she was just.. Normal? I really don't trust it. I know she's crying on the inside. I really don't know how to respond to her.. I've been really nice to my mom lately and so has my little brother but I don't think it's doing much good. I think that she knows that we know that she's sad, so she's trying to hide it. It's been affecting me too. Yesterday, my friends told me that I was a lot more outgoing and random than usual. It's because I've been trying to hide what's been going on inside my mind lately. I've just been thinking too much because I don't know what to do. What should I say to my mom? How do I keep myself from being overly-random? Ok, it's really long, but if you read the whole thing, you're awesome.  Help, please? |
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Dec 18 2006, 01:09 AM
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#2
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 (′ ･ω･｀) Group: Official Designer Posts: 6,179 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 72,477 |
 Talk to your mom about trying to get a leave.. Try to not think about it that much or ask to fly to Beijing and visit your grandma. |
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Dec 18 2006, 01:16 AM
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#3
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1TRIPZ FUCC UP Group: Member Posts: 311 Joined: Nov 2006 Member No: 482,242 |
Fake a phone call, about how much better her mom is!
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Dec 18 2006, 01:22 AM
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#4
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(′ ･ω･｀) Group: Official Designer Posts: 6,179 Joined: Dec 2004 Member No: 72,477 |
^That wouldn't work for long.
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Dec 18 2006, 01:29 AM
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#5
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. Group: Member Posts: 3,264 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 761 |
QUOTE(icy_wonderland @ Dec 18 2006, 1:09 AM)  Talk to your mom about trying to get a leave.. Try to not think about it that much or ask to fly to Beijing and visit your grandma. Well, her company doesn't allow breaks until early/mid-January and all the flights are pretty much booked.  QUOTE(showme @ Dec 18 2006, 1:16 AM) Fake a phone call, about how much better her mom is! That's an interesting idea.. But it probably won't work very well. Thanks for the help though, guys! 
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| *krnxswat* |
Dec 18 2006, 05:36 AM
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#6
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You should let her know that she doesn't have to hide her feelings. Tell her of a quote from chicken soup, 'shared sorrow is half the sorrow, shared happiness is double the happiness' let her know you're there for her to grief with her. Tell her it'll make her alot better to let it out than hide it.
Hope everything gets better! |
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Dec 18 2006, 09:23 AM
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#7
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 it's just me ;) Group: Member Posts: 187 Joined: Nov 2006 Member No: 482,527 |
everyone grieves over things,
and most the time it's better just to let the grief pull out. eventually things will get better. but for now, just let her think things through before she goes to visit your grandma. she may also feel bad because she can't visit even though she really wants to. just let things pass. time heals all wounds, no? :) |
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Dec 18 2006, 02:18 PM
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#8
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,388 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,129 |
Give her time. & give her hope (i.e. find some stories? or quotes?)
Maybe you could keep a journal? Unless you already do.. But that way, you can write all your feelings down so that you don't keep everything bottled up. For your mom, just talk to her about things in general instead of detailed. I would think that she can't handle anything too overly detailed right now. For your friends, isn't it nice to be outgoing though? But maybe you could just tell one of your friends that you really trust about your situation and it'll take some pressure off of yourself. |
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Dec 18 2006, 04:50 PM
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#9
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. Group: Member Posts: 3,264 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 761 |
QUOTE(krnxswat @ Dec 18 2006, 5:36 AM) You should let her know that she doesn't have to hide her feelings. Tell her of a quote from chicken soup, 'shared sorrow is half the sorrow, shared happiness is double the happiness' let her know you're there for her to grief with her. Tell her it'll make her alot better to let it out than hide it. Hope everything gets better! I believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Thanks! QUOTE(splitnightsky @ Dec 18 2006, 9:23 AM) everyone grieves over things, and most the time it's better just to let the grief pull out. eventually things will get better. but for now, just let her think things through before she goes to visit your grandma. she may also feel bad because she can't visit even though she really wants to. just let things pass. time heals all wounds, no? :) Yes, that's true. Although, I'm a little concerned of what she might do if my grandma dies.  QUOTE(hardxcoreL0VER @ Dec 18 2006, 2:18 PM) Give her time. & give her hope (i.e. find some stories? or quotes?) Maybe you could keep a journal? Unless you already do.. But that way, you can write all your feelings down so that you don't keep everything bottled up. For your mom, just talk to her about things in general instead of detailed. I would think that she can't handle anything too overly detailed right now. For your friends, isn't it nice to be outgoing though? But maybe you could just tell one of your friends that you really trust about your situation and it'll take some pressure off of yourself. Well, I've been talking to her a lot lately, and I think that it's helping. And my sister is coming back from Boston later this week, so maybe that'll make her happier.  I already sorta keep a journal, but that's mostly private LJ entries.. And yeah, I should talk to one of my friends about this. Thanks for your help everyone!
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Dec 18 2006, 10:38 PM
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#10
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 what do you think it says....if so obvious. Group: Member Posts: 1,838 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 52,420 |
most important thing hug her and tell her its ok.
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| *krnxswat* |
Dec 19 2006, 07:15 PM
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#11
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QUOTE(Mr. Slowjamz @ Dec 18 2006, 10:38 PM) most important thing hug her and tell her its ok. No, that's not the most important thing. |
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Dec 20 2006, 11:18 AM
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#12
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 Kimberly Group: Member Posts: 1,961 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 121,599 |
Aww, I'm sorry about your grandma.
Maybe since your mom cant go till January, and you have relatives over there... maybe you could offer to go in her place? Maybe that would make her feeel better. My family's been in a similar situation, and I know my mom's main reason for being upset was the fact that she couldnt go to help. You going might be the next best thing to her. |
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Dec 20 2006, 05:41 PM
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#13
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. Group: Member Posts: 3,264 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 761 |
Well, the thing is.. I can't go. My mom wouldn't let me. After 9/11, she won't let me take the plane by myself anymore. And school work is KILLING me.
I should ask my sister if she can go.. It'd definitely make my mom feel better. Thanks!
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Dec 20 2006, 10:52 PM
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#14
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Kimberly Group: Member Posts: 1,961 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 121,599 |
No problem, I hope everything works out okay! Let us know what happens.
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Dec 22 2006, 02:14 AM
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#15
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 Member Group: Member Posts: 21 Joined: Oct 2006 Member No: 474,883 |
aaw.
:[ im sorry. but i do this to my mom. she always has issues. its annoying sometimes, but whatev. im her daughter. i need to be there. if shes ever alone in her room, give her her favorite drink, food, book, whatever. and smile, greeting her. then, if she smiles back, just say calmly.. "hey mom...my brother and i have noticed you've been acting differently. if you EVER EVER EVER need someone to talk to about grandma [or other issues. whichever is going on.] i'm always here. EVEN if you're at work, or just want someone to talk to..call me at school. i'll be happy to talk to you during class!" -smile here.- that TOTALLY worked on my mom when my uncle had a week to live. but my mom was SO stressed over my uncle. he finally died, and she's more like...relieved. still sad, but he had cancer, pnemonia, and gang green in his legs. ugh. so sad. ENOUGH ABOUT ME AND MY DRAMA. hah. but i hope everyone in your family are all okay. and for your mom not being able to go visit your grandma until jan. i would call her job place, and say. "LISTEN MO' FUUCKUHS. YOU WOULD WANT TO VISIT FAMILY IF THEY HAD TO HAVE SURGERY AND WHAT NOT. LET MY MOM GO TO BEJING, OR ELSE I'LL BE AFTER YOUR ASS FASTER THAN YOU CAN DIAL 911. GOT IT SHITHEADS?!? merry christmas!" |
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| *x1227x* |
Dec 22 2006, 02:16 AM
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#16
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^ i think she would get fired.
aww. i think you should just go to her work and ask her manager/boss if she could take a day off and tell them about your problem. maybe they'll let your mom see her if they think it's urgent enough. |
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| *T0rmented_Soul* |
Dec 22 2006, 03:43 AM
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#17
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well firstly understand your moms emotions, your grandma might have been a big part of your moms life, and to see that she cannot do anything due to her work, holds her down so yeah she cries within. as a daughter understand your moms grief, though she may act without according like she'd scream at you then be nice, your mom may need space and time to think. your worried and so is your mom, maybe the best thing you can do is to be there for her when she needs you and tell her that your here for her when if you need someone to talk to or cry to. shedding a little tear may be good, especially if it helps crying some pain out. communication is important in everything, dont beat yourself down encourage your self and her, pray for your grandmas sake. keep your head strong.
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