I made a mistake. Should I tell him? Options

[starsandmoons]

So I've been friends with Guy X for about 4 years now and 2 1/2 of those years I was deeply infatuated or in love with him whatever you want to call it. He asked me out at one point but he was just out of a relationship and I didn't want to be the rebound. It just wasn't the right time. After a week I ended up saying yes and by that time he had decided he only saw me as a friend. For 4 years we were best friends. The closest we could get. It was amazing the type of relationship we had I could tell him anything and everything and he would do the same with me. He moved away and our relationship suffered. We were still close but not the same.

Then I met Guy Z. He was everything I could hope for in a guy. Sweetest guy, but he was deeply scarred from his past relationship where his girlfriend cheated with her ex-boyfriend of a year or so and he caught them and later she turned lesbian. Nonetheless he was very carefully with me. He wasn't as attached or attentive, which kind of made it hard on me. Sounding much like a soap opera. It gets worse. Guy Z and I were together for about 7 months when one of my best friends invites me over to a sleepover. Guy Z has just recently started talking to his ex again and I'm jealous nonetheless because he starts lying to me about it.

The sleepover. Guy X is there and he is very persistent in his flirting. I constantly push him away, but eventually I let him. We made out. A lot. I... never imagined myself doing that. Things kind of got out of hand and the sad thing is Guy Z was on my mind the entire time. My boyfriend... I love him. Guy X and I had never had even kissed or anything before this even when we "liked" each other and now at the worst moment when I had finally gotten over him and was happily taken, he does this. I did this. I cheated. I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but I feel like I need to tell him, then again telling him could mean the end of 8 wonderful months. Guy X means nothing to me. We're not talking anymore. I've completely detached myself from him. He told one of my friends who then questioned me about it trying to pressure her to tell my boyfriend. A mess.

What should I do?

[BeautyInATragedy]

I say you tell your boyfriend. I know it'll be a painful process, but all actions have consequences. Unfortunately, you can't take it back. It was a mistake, and the best thing you can do is learn from it.

[oXMuhNirvanaXo]

Yeah, I would have to say tell your boyfriend everything you did wrong and hope that he understands. I cheated before and it is the worst thing I ever have done in my life. The thing is I heard it many times before and I just thought I would never do It just because I knew I love the guy that I am with and I would never have to worry about it. Well, that changed one night. I got really depressed and I coulden't look at him the same. It was like I was liveing a lie. I tell my boy friend everything. So, 2 or 3 nights after I have done wrong he called me he was in a good mood that night and I told him everything. I told him everything I did and I told him how I felt. It tolk him a week to come and talk to me and we got back together. He cryed ALOT and he spent alot of time thinking but he said he loves me so much that he didn't wanna leave me go. So, now we are happily back together.

My friend that I have known for years I was talking to he asked me one question that hit me the deepest and that was.. "If you loved him so much.. then why did you do it."

If you care about him.. you would tell him. He has a right to know.

[*a painefull euphoria*]

your boyfriend was asking for it as he was lying about talking to his ex.
and that he wasnt atached or very atentive toyou and your needs
i feel that you made one mistake and you should see how things go with your current relationship. if it becomes harder on you to be intimate then you should tell him
if you can play it off and promise you will never ever do it again.
then dont say anything.
cheating is a bad thing
but really you have to evaluate is it worth tramatizing him
again. knowing his history.

[starsandmoons]

I don't know. The thought of him looking at me like he did to her when she cheated is something I can't bear. They were only together for a short span of time, but he really cared about her. I have to see her every day since we're teammates in a sport and we're friends but you kind of have the voice in the back of your mind of whether she meant more in that short span than I do to him. I guess that's what was really bothering me.

Our relationship was a complete 360 from theirs. He was so attached to her and with me it seemed like I had to do everything like he didn't even care. After the incident I really had to reevaluate the relationship. If causing him yet more pain was worth our relationship. I asked myself that exact question, If I love him, why did I do it? Guy X me the warmth and comfort that Guy Z wasn't able to give me, but it meant nothing coming from Guy X.

After the incident, I realized I could wait for Guy Z to open up, with guilt and all, because I love him. Recently he's been everything to me. He's finally let himself go with me and is actually treating me like a girlfriend. He's been amazing. I didn't think I would be able to look him in the face after the incident. I was even planning to break up with him with any kind of excuse just not to see that same hurt I saw because of her.

Am I making the right decision? Its been over a month since the incident. I've talked it over with my best friend and she says not to say anything if I want to be with him, but there is that sense of doubt.

[tokyo-rose]

I think you should tell your boyfriend what you did. There's nothing worse to live with than guilt, and as hard as it may be for you to come clean, you should still do it. I know you're afraid of hurting him, but you have to be honest in any kind of relationship, not just romantic ones. Also, you said he's not treating you the way he treated his other girlfriend. Even though he might have just been being careful because of his previous relationship, you shouldn't be the one always doing everything in your relationship. You should both give and take equally, and he's not doing that. That's not fair to you.

Tell him and see what happens. If you break up, you might be better off since he wasn't doing his part in the relationship. If you don't, just be very careful and don't cheat again.

[*x1227x*]

i think you should tell your boyfriend because, whats a relationship without trust? even if it will make you have consequences, it's better to be truthful and tell it now before you guys get even deeper. so i think you should just be honest and tell guy x to back off. good luck

[xlitoxb]

I think that if he's finally changed for you then it must mean that he cares for you now and that he's gotten over his ex. In my opinion, you should tell him, but when it feels right for you. It just seems that even though he's treating you how he should right now, and then find out about what you did, it'd make him go back into his shell again. I don't know if that'd help you much at all, but yeah.. I guess when the time is right you should tell him. =] Best of luck.

[_sarcastic_]

it's completely up to you.
do you want to tell him?
i say it's better to come clean with him then live with the guilt as your relationship progresses. or what if someone else tells him before you do and then the mess will just get bigger and bigger.

[show_me]

Make yourself seem innocent, okay tell your boyfriend only 1/3 of the story.
Downsize it from makeout to just a kiss while you were trying to push him away. That way its double kill, friend tries to snitch, boyfriend already knows. And trust me, hes probably better off not knowing the entire story.

[WrathOfOnigo]

Honestly you're better off NOT telling him. He's obviously still very fragile about his ex cheating on him and if you tell him what you didn't it will be really hard on him.

Think of it this way, even though it's hard to say no to someone coming onto you, if you really loved him, you'd have enough self control to get as far away from Guy X as possible.

Best choice is to end it without telling him. And end it as softly as you can.

[ryuusei]

if you already detatched yourself from X, just tell Z what happened. but make sure you mention that you have no feelings for X, you dont see him anymore because of your choice.

[*My Cinderella.*]

You will risk your boyfriend's trust. It is better to tell him then to have him find out on his own. Well, I agree with a painefull, he's been cheated on before and it'll crush him. This one's a toughie and I don't really know what to say to help you. If the guilt is gnawing at you, you know what you have to do.

[*T0rmented_Soul*]

Ouch you put yourself in a bad situation. you let your emotions take the best of you, and made decisions without thinking. Now your left with a decision wheter to tell him or not after keeping it for a long time. your probably gonna hurt him pretty bad. then if you dont tell him then your gonna live with guilt while being with him. so you should do what feels right. but think it through.

[*Infinite.*]

-shrugs- I don't even know if this chick even gets on anymore, but you need to go tell him because you did something wrong and if he did something with his ex wouldn't you want him to tell you? Just tell him how you feel about the guy and it was a mistake and your sorry about.

[yaamakoh]

Honestly you're better off NOT telling him. He's obviously still very fragile about his ex cheating on him and if you tell him what you didn't it will be really hard on him.

Think of it this way, even though it's hard to say no to someone coming onto you, if you really loved him, you'd have enough self control to get as far away from Guy X as possible.

Best choice is to end it without telling him. And end it as softly as you can.

you wouldn't know unless you've actually been in the situation now have you? in fact, even though you love someone with all your heart, love and infatuation is different. the more you love that person, it's easier to fall into making a mistake like cheating. if he's hot, tall, good looking, and has that sexy cologne on and starts touching you in weird places, wouldn't your thoughts get distorted? (especially if you and your b/f had a recent fight? or if things weren't going peachy and creamy like it used to?)
please don't say no, you're not perfect.
a smart person would avoid those situations, but nevertheless, she still loves her b/f. and if it's a deep relationship which isn't just physical, but very "mental" she has all the right to tell him.

to starsandmoon, don't hit and run. tell him as soon as you can. the faster you tell him, the better it'll be for the both of you, regardless the consequences. we're human, we're not perfect, and even though you loved him so much, (i'm sorry to say this) but .shit. happens.

[starsandmoons]

Thanks for all of the advice. I guess its just hard to decide whether or not to tell him because that incident really had a lot of impact on me. I realized that my feelings for Guy X were completely gone and that I really did love my boyfriend. I finally feel ready to tell him that I love him. I finally feel like we've connected like I've never connected with anyone else, but you know its hard when someone brings Guy X up asking how come we're not ajoined at the hip like we use to be, how come we don't talk anymore. Its hard when cheating on him made me realize how scared I am of losing my boyfriend, as horrible as it may sound. I don't know... He's been amazing lately. Pure perfection. How do you reveal your faults to someone who has been nothing but wonderful to you?

[*krnxswat*]

All actions have consequences. You decided to make a dumbass move and you should be dumped for that. If you decide not to tell him, you're even degrading yourself even lower than you already are. Sure, no one else may know, but, most importantly, you, yourself, know it. You're going to have to live with the guilt. What a slut.

[me1issaaaa]

Obviously, you don't love the guy as you claim you do, or else you would not have done that. I don't think you would have had to test your love for him, or you would not have been tempted whatsoever. When you're in love, nothing can come between the two of you, no matter what others may say. It's not real love if you have the nerve to cheat. I say tell your boyfriend, and consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky if he doesn't leave you. There is no excuse for that.

[xmoon_lightx]

i think yu should tell him. who knows he might forgive yu since yu dont talk with guy x no more. If yu dont tell him things can really get out of hand when yur bf finds out.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

Yes, you dirty, dirty whore.