Blah, summer homework., descriptive writing Options

[sarcastic biscui...]

"Unfortunate though it is, you still have a debt to pay, an obligation to those who have been harmed," he coolly stated, with a tinge of steely frost in his voice. She turned to face the blazing abyss, the fire dancing in her eyes. "Did you really think-" she stopped short. The flames reached a point of intensity, raging like the waves of the sea where, on the ship, it began. But it had spread - spread to the waters, feeding on floating chunks of loose driftwood. Like a leafy vine of flames, it slithered and snaked to the shore, wrapping tendrils of fire around anything it could. The heat blazed in the girl's face, but still she stood, entranced by the twisting and turning of the fire. As it reached its final destination, the girl remained frozen, the insatiable hunger of the inferno crying out for more to devour. Tentatively it approached, reaching forward little by little. A small whisper of fear escaped the girl's lips as the flames consumed her. "And by her own fire," the man smirked, delicately stepping over the dying embers. "Fitting."

Around 200 words, describing:
a) a person you do not know
b) a landscape or place (large or small) in the daylight
c) a landscape of place at night

So, how is it? Are the characters too vague?

[sakaitone]

Around 200 words, describing:
a) a person you do not know
b) a landscape or place (large or small) in the daylight
c) a landscape of place at night

So, how is it? Are the characters too vague?

No, I think it's pretty good but when someone talks, you have to break in a new paragraph.

[Stefan The Sex G...]

why do some schools get summer homework
I NEVER GOT SUMMER HOMEWORK

^_^

[KissMe2408]

It's pretty good, however the second part flowed more then the first. I'm going to bold the words that i think you should take out to make it flow a bit better....and i'm going to italicize what you should re-write. I mean it sounds great, but you really want the beginning to flow the way the 2nd part did. The 2nd part I couldn't stop reading, the 1st part I had to fight to keep reading it, you know what I mean?
The characters are pretty vague, but that's expected if you are only given 200 words.
So are you writing about a person you don't know? or landscape at night?
Or are you fitting in all 3 topics [a,b,c] It's not entirely clear.
If this wasn't for school and you were able to do whatever you wanted to with it, this would be wonderful.

"Unfortunate though it is, you still have a debt to pay, an obligation to those who have been harmed," he coolly stated, with a tinge of steely frost in his voice. She turned to face the blazing abyss, the fire dancing in her eyes. "Did you really think-" she stopped short. The flames reached a point of intensity, raging like the waves of the sea where, on the ship, it began. But it had spread - spread to the waters, feeding on floating chunks of loose driftwood. Like a leafy vine of flames, it slithered and snaked to the shore, wrapping tendrils of fire around anything it could. The heat blazed in the girl's face, but still she stood, entranced by the twisting and turning of the fire. As it reached its final destination, the girl remained frozen, the insatiable hunger of the inferno crying out for more to devour. Tentatively it approached, reaching forward little by little. A small whisper of fear escaped the girl's lips as the flames consumed her. "And by her own fire," the man smirked, delicately stepping over the dying embers. "Fitting."

I love the ending.

[sarcastic biscui...]

"Unfortunate though it is, you still have a debt to pay, an obligation to those who have been harmed," he coolly stated, with a tinge of frost in his voice. She turned to face the flames, the stars behind twinkling as though nothing had gone amiss. "Did you really think-" she stopped short.

It had begun on a ship - by who, no one knew; for what reason, it was uncertain. The sailors rushed to put it out, and they had succeeded. But in their haste, they had left a tiny spark. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Like a vine of flames, the fire slithered and snaked to the shore after its long confinement on the seas. Wrapping tendrils of fire around anything it could, creatures and plants alike shrieked a silent scream at their untimely deaths. The heat blazed in the girl's face, but still she stood, entranced by the twisting and turning of the fire. As it reached its final destination, the girl remained frozen, the insatiable hunger of the inferno crying out for more to devour. Tentatively it approached, reaching forward little by little. A small whisper of fear escaped the girl's lips as the flames consumed her. "And by her own fire," the man smirked, delicately stepping over the dying embers. "Fitting."

Thanks for all of your advice! Not exactly sure about the 'What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger' part, but I thought of that when writing that part.

I'm combining all three. First part would be a, second would be b, and third is c. Or at least, that's how it developed

[KissMe2408]

I just read your new and improved version, much better!!! You did a wonderful job re-writing that. Do you see how much nicer it flows now? It makes you not want to stop reading!

Wonderful job!