Big Age Difference, real big |
 Jul 31 2006, 01:13 PM
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#1
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 CB's Official Ninja  Group: Member Posts: 709 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 434,477  |
Wow me posting in here wow..
Anyways. I have this friend and she is going out with this guy. They have been going out for a year and on the outside they seem ok. There is a real big age difference though. This guy is 30 and she is 16. The guy still lives at home and works at target. The girl goes to high school and does the normal 16 year old stuff. He constantly tells her off and beats her mentally/physcially. He goes off telling her he is not her boyfriend anymore one day and then next day he comes over like nothing happened. She cannot leave him because she really loves him and she can't see leaving him. I try to help her and tell her to leave him constantly she will not listen to reason though. What do you think I should do to help? What would you do in her position? |
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| *xcaitlinx* |
Jul 31 2006, 01:24 PM
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#2
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do her parents know about this? he's old enough to be her father! that's disgusting. since you said that he mentally and physically abuses her, the best thing to do is to get help for her. even though she may believe that she really loves this guy, he's obviously no good. you don't want things to get worse. she's a 16-year-old girl and should be able to do teenager things without this dirtbag yelling at her.
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Jul 31 2006, 01:27 PM
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#3
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 Krista. Group: Official Member Posts: 4,380 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 391,319 |
^ yeah, do her parents know about this?
that's just not right....a 16 year old dating a 30 year old? she may say she loves him because she's scared of what he'll do to her if she wants to break up with him. since he's abusing her, maybe she's too scared to leave. |
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Jul 31 2006, 01:31 PM
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#4
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CB's Official Ninja Group: Member Posts: 709 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 434,477 |
QUOTE(xcaitlinx @ Jul 31 2006, 11:24 AM)  do her parents know about this? he's old enough to be her father! that's disgusting. since you said that he mentally and physically abuses her, the best thing to do is to get help for her. even though she may believe that she really loves this guy, he's obviously no good. you don't want things to get worse. she's a 16-year-old girl and should be able to do teenager things without this dirtbag yelling at her. QUOTE(marzipan @ Jul 31 2006, 11:27 AM) ^ yeah, do her parents know about this? that's just not right....a 16 year old dating a 30 year old? she may say she loves him because she's scared of what he'll do to her if she wants to break up with him. since he's abusing her, maybe she's too scared to leave. I believe her parents know because he visits her house occasionally. I think she lied to them though about his age because he looks like a 20 year old and she constantly tells others that he is a younger age. Yeah my last resort is to seek help most likely even though she'll hate me for it. |
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| *shannonx1* |
Jul 31 2006, 01:32 PM
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^yeah i agree with marzipan
if i were in her position, i'd be afraid to leave him for what he might do to me; because he's been abusing her. that's not right. she shouldn't hate you for seeking help... because it'll help. she might be upset but she shouldn't hate you for it... |
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Jul 31 2006, 01:39 PM
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#6
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CB's Official Ninja Group: Member Posts: 709 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 434,477 |
Yeah your right she won't "hate" me because I'm helping her but she has been going out with this guy for a year and she believes in this illusion of love. I would kinda hate someone if they split me and someone apart if I loved them for a long time.
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| *Uronacid* |
Jul 31 2006, 02:20 PM
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#7
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Um... well, if you want you could tell her parents. I mean you might loose her friendship, but you would really be doing her a big favor. If the opportunity cost is to great I think that you should just keep talking to her and trying to convince her that he doesn't really love her.
just ike marzipan said, she may be scared to leave him... if that's the case then ask her. If you have a good understanding of what people do when they are inlove you could also try to convinced her otherwise. |
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Jul 31 2006, 02:23 PM
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#8
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 daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
Lock her at home for life and tell her parents. I can't believe anyone's dumb enough not to see what a mistake this is. Why can't she realize how naive she's being? A 30 year old MAN, who is abusing her? That's ridiculous. She doesn't love him. Please please do everything possible because this could end up pretty bad. Tell her parents immediately.
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| *Kathleen* |
Jul 31 2006, 02:24 PM
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If he beats her and whatnot, can't he get arrested if you call the cops on him?
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| *Uronacid* |
Jul 31 2006, 02:36 PM
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#10
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QUOTE(Angelina Taylor @ Jul 31 2006, 3:23 PM) Lock her at home for life and tell her parents. I can't believe anyone's dumb enough not to see what a mistake this is. Why can't she realize how naive she's being? A 30 year old MAN, who is abusing her? That's ridiculous. She doesn't love him. Please please do everything possible because this could end up pretty bad. Tell her parents immediately. I AGREE WITH YOU!!! |
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Jul 31 2006, 02:39 PM
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#11
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 I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the thrills I will have. Group: Member Posts: 624 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 445,743 |
This is serious, man. You need to tell her parents and possibly involve the police. If they've been going out for a year and she's 16 now, that makes her a child abuse victim. This guy needs to be locked up. He's scum. Tell her parents first, though.
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Jul 31 2006, 09:04 PM
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 the name is ada. Group: Official Member Posts: 4,688 Joined: Dec 2005 Member No: 334,608 |
Woah..tell someone..tell an adult or something..someone you trust..like your mom or something.Thats serious.Child abuse..actually call the cops.
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| *Freaky Krazer* |
Jul 31 2006, 09:26 PM
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#13
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wtf she better not think she's in love. How is getting beaten love? She'd rather stay with him, get hurt in the inside AND outside then leave him, cope for a while, and move on to find someone better?
stupidasses |
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Jul 31 2006, 09:59 PM
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#14
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,220 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 81,808 |
that happened to my ex-bestfriend... explains why theres the "ex" in "bestfriend" ... we dont talk anymore b/c of her f**king boyfriend... i f**king hate him and if this ever were to happen again? i'd kill him myself personally.. .. if the problem is her always running back then let her suffer.. she'll learn her mistake all by herself
i have the hint if that if she leaves her boyfriend, she will get beat up... if anything call the police to send his asss in jail; for sure he'll be guilty |
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Jul 31 2006, 10:08 PM
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#15
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 stephanie .. Group: Member Posts: 1,965 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,529 |
wow that's so scary
like other people have said TELL HER PARENTS...call the cops...or both |
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Jul 31 2006, 10:40 PM
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#16
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 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,025 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,051 |
Call the cops, don't even tell her. Just call them right away.
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Jul 31 2006, 11:03 PM
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#17
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 tell me more. Group: Official Member Posts: 2,798 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 35,640 |
QUOTE The guy still lives at home and works at target for some reason this made me laugh out loud. but then i kept reading she doesnt deserve to put up with any type of abuse, no one does. i think you should tell her parents, or a trusted adult. she may get mad but soon enough she'll thank you. that kind of relationship isnt healthy and i wouldnt ever be in that position. seems like hes a creep. i dont like talking to guys alot older than me besides my dad anyway |
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Jul 31 2006, 11:18 PM
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#18
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 201 Joined: Jun 2006 Member No: 426,792 |
girl what you need to do is notify her parents and do something about it.
she will probably hate you,but eventually she will realize it was for the best,and eventually thank you. trust me. |
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| *disco infiltrator* |
Jul 31 2006, 11:28 PM
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#19
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Wow, that's kind of ironic. I have a good friend who is 30 and male and people keep saying that he is a pedophile for talking to me (I'm 16). Anyway.
With that big of an age difference, they shouldn't be dating in the first place. But, disregarding that, any abuse in a relationship isn't good for anyone involved. You should probably notify an adult that can do something about it; her parents, your parents, the police, a teacher - anyone. |
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Aug 1 2006, 01:11 AM
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#20
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 Hello There. Group: Member Posts: 1,572 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 88,673 |
thats illegal first of all. she has to be 18 to date him.
if the guy was under 25 that would have been alright. but hez an adult. he obviously doesnt lover her if he abuses her. tell her parents.! |
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Aug 1 2006, 01:37 AM
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#21
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 vengeance. Group: Official Member Posts: 3,058 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 437,024 |
isn't that illigeal anyways?  tell her parents, that's what i would do. |
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Aug 1 2006, 02:14 AM
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#22
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 Hello My Name Is INSERT HERE Group: Member Posts: 1,372 Joined: Apr 2006 Member No: 394,903 |
wow what a nut job.
He sounds like a hobo. I would tell the police, if he beats her  tell her parents just notify someone who can help |
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| *lolita kitty* |
Aug 1 2006, 03:37 AM
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That reminds me of this article I read in seventeen the other day. It was also about this 16 year old girl dating a 30 year old. She looked his name up online and found out that he was some sort of predator or whatever. Yes, I'm serious.
You need to have a serious sit down with your friend. That relationship could end horribly. |
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Aug 1 2006, 11:05 AM
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#24
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CB's Official Ninja Group: Member Posts: 709 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 434,477 |
Thanks everyone for the advice I have told her parents about the situation and now I'm just waiting for them to call the cops. She was literally hitting me for doing such a thing but whatever she is safer now.
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Aug 1 2006, 11:16 AM
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#25
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 721 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 447,101 |
I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 31, I don't think the age difference is that huge a deal. The fact that he's hitting her is not acceptable. She should leave him.
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Aug 1 2006, 04:05 PM
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#26
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 2,614 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,903 |
Love is love age dosen't matter in my mind.
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| *Uronacid* |
Aug 1 2006, 04:28 PM
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#27
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you are an awsome friend
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Aug 1 2006, 06:13 PM
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#28
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Senior Member Group: Duplicate Posts: 459 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 308,469 |
This guy has no respect for himself, and has no respect for her. Period. I understand that the age of consent is 16 in some states, but the man is 30. He knows better. I tell you what. I say you report him. She will not get in trouble, because she is the minor of the situation.
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Aug 1 2006, 06:47 PM
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#29
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 rissa. Group: Member Posts: 621 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 436,690 |
I think that's just wrong. If they do it that's known as rape... which is not good either. But don't go in and break up their relationship. Just let her figure out what's wrong with the picture. Be a good friend and just support her.
Myspace  |
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| *Uronacid* |
Aug 1 2006, 07:20 PM
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QUOTE(just_rissa @ Aug 1 2006, 7:47 PM) I think that's just wrong. If they do it that's known as rape... which is not good either. But don't go in and break up their relationship. Just let her figure out what's wrong with the picture. Be a good friend and just support her. Myspace Your sig is way to big.... you need to change the size... |
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Aug 1 2006, 08:46 PM
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#31
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
QUOTE(oX_Muh_Nirvana_Xo @ Aug 1 2006, 5:05 PM) Love is love age dosen't matter in my mind. Actually, it does, to a certain point. You don't want to be with someone who has a much lower level of maturity than you.. right? Or vise-versa. Or how about those 15-year-old girls, "dating" 21, 22-year-olds? Not really dating, I might say, since it almost always ends after they have sex. |
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Aug 1 2006, 10:02 PM
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 that's what she said Group: Member Posts: 848 Joined: Jul 2006 Member No: 436,512 |
QUOTE(just_rissa @ Aug 1 2006, 7:47 PM) I think that's just wrong. If they do it that's known as rape... which is not good either. But don't go in and break up their relationship. Just let her figure out what's wrong with the picture. Be a good friend and just support her. Um, supporting a friend to keep on being in such an abusive relationship isn't being a good friend at all.  Anyways, that's good that you got to tell the parents. Now, if the parents don't do shit about it, then I suggest that you call the police. |
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Aug 1 2006, 10:48 PM
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#33
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 girls peepee when they see me Group: Member Posts: 207 Joined: May 2006 Member No: 407,388 |
the older the better, sometimes.
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| *Uronacid* |
Aug 1 2006, 11:04 PM
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#34
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QUOTE(Angelina Taylor @ Aug 1 2006, 9:46 PM) Actually, it does, to a certain point. You don't want to be with someone who has a much lower level of maturity than you.. right? Or vise-versa. Or how about those 15-year-old girls, "dating" 21, 22-year-olds? Not really dating, I might say, since it almost always ends after they have sex. um... thanks angelina... >.> you stabbed me... |
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| *This Confession* |
Aug 1 2006, 11:14 PM
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#35
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Eh I'm not going to quote any of the other replies or i'll get in a big fight with someone I think.
 I personally would never date someone that was half my age or date someone that was twice my age older. Thats just a little weird in a way. But its her decision although if shes hiding things about the relationship and lying about then I wouldn't call it a real relationship. But if your completely concerned about her and such then I suppose you can tell someone else. |
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Aug 28 2006, 02:01 PM
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#36
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 68 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,500 |
QUOTE(dangjer @ Jul 31 2006, 2:13 PM) He constantly tells her off and beats her mentally/physcially. omg. if he did that to me i would leave him! i mean he beats her up. and there is like a 14 year difference in them! |
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| *Zatanna* |
Aug 28 2006, 02:23 PM
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#37
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QUOTE(Born in a burial gown @ Aug 1 2006, 12:16 PM) I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 31, I don't think the age difference is that huge a deal. The fact that he's hitting her is not acceptable. She should leave him. ^ Thank you. The problem is more that he's abusing her, not his age. And for the record, it's not illegal to date someone under 18, it's illegal to have sex with them. |
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Aug 28 2006, 02:54 PM
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#38
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 Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,349 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,274 |
QUOTE(dangjer @ Jul 31 2006, 2:13 PM) Wow me posting in here wow.. Anyways. I have this friend and she is going out with this guy. They have been going out for a year and on the outside they seem ok. There is a real big age difference though. This guy is 30 and she is 16. The guy still lives at home and works at target. The girl goes to high school and does the normal 16 year old stuff. He constantly tells her off and beats her mentally/physcially. He goes off telling her he is not her boyfriend anymore one day and then next day he comes over like nothing happened. She cannot leave him because she really loves him and she can't see leaving him. I try to help her and tell her to leave him constantly she will not listen to reason though. What do you think I should do to help? What would you do in her position? Uh... you need to call the cops... I'm not even playing around. First off that's disgusting, 2nd of all beating a female is f**kin disgusting, and 3rd of all he's a sorry ass piece of shit loser who doesn't have a life. Rather you stand up to that faggot, or you call the police. Stop caring for what she has to say with this whole I love him shit, the authorities and a mental therapist should fix that. P.S. By the way, are these rednecks? Hicks?... Only weirdos would do such a thing. |
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Aug 28 2006, 03:03 PM
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#39
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
QUOTE(Uronacid @ Aug 2 2006, 12:04 AM) um... thanks angelina... >.> you stabbed me... Pfft, I'm not talking about everyone. Three of my exes are currently 22, and the guy I have feelings for right now is 23. I'm 17. 
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Aug 28 2006, 04:09 PM
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#40
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,349 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,274 |
You guys don't find it a little "too" much that this guy's in his 30s and this girl is barely even a woman... she's still a child, well a teenager that's in 10th grade. I see nothing wrong with 5 year difference or closer to 10 years depenin on the age range, say a 20 year old with a 30 year old. But a 15 year old with a 25 year old or older... is just pushing it. There's a huge difference in maturity, responsibilities, and especially in development of all sorts such as mental and physical.
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Aug 28 2006, 06:36 PM
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#41
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
QUOTE(Tamacracker @ Aug 28 2006, 5:09 PM) You guys don't find it a little "too" much that this guy's in his 30s and this girl is barely even a woman... she's still a child, well a teenager that's in 10th grade. I see nothing wrong with 5 year difference or closer to 10 years depenin on the age range, say a 20 year old with a 30 year old. But a 15 year old with a 25 year old or older... is just pushing it. There's a huge difference in maturity, responsibilities, and especially in development of all sorts such as mental and physical. 
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| *Zatanna* |
Aug 28 2006, 06:44 PM
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#42
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QUOTE(Tamacracker @ Aug 28 2006, 5:09 PM) say a 20 year old with a 30 year old. *giggles* That's me and my boyfriend actually. And yes, I'm Mrs. Robinson. /end off topic/spam 
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Aug 28 2006, 07:10 PM
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#43
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
^ But you're a grown-up :P
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Aug 28 2006, 08:30 PM
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#44
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Senior Member Group: Official Member Posts: 6,349 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 455,274 |
QUOTE(Angelina Taylor @ Aug 28 2006, 7:36 PM) Thanks Angelina  I agree with alot of your posts too
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Aug 28 2006, 09:14 PM
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#45
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
^ I'm glad
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Aug 28 2006, 10:46 PM
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#46
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 L!ckitySplit Group: Member Posts: 4,325 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 129,329 |
nah, the 30 year old dude just knows how to keep his beezy's in check.
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Aug 28 2006, 10:55 PM
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#47
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 For my shirt. Group: Member Posts: 113 Joined: Aug 2006 Member No: 454,674 |
Tell your parents and ask for advice. Most likely they'd flip out and call the cops. Which is exactly what they should do. I mean, what would you do if she was your daughter? Well, okay, if she was my daughter I probably wouldn't call the cops, I'd just go kill the guy, but still. Tell an adult, and then call the police.
If this guy has been abusing her, she needs help. And not just help getting away from him. She'll need psychological help as well. Who cares if your friend isn't going to like you anymore - in the end she'll appreciate the fact that you cared enough to help her. If you don't stop it, she could end up getting raped, or even worse, killed. Someone should have stopped it a long time ago. Kids these days... |
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