A Perfect Love Last Forever~ Acrostic Poem, a heh. Not. |
 Jul 11 2006, 12:22 PM
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#1
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 SockCicle  Group: Member Posts: 49 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 131,761  |
And how do you see me?
Perfection at ever turn? Ecstacy that you yearn? Refinement and style? Fraction of a happy smile? Expectations gone awry? Congeniality, and lots of lies? Thought my thoughts you could see? Losing myself in your gullible eyes. Outstanding that you believe my cries. Very true it is that I have sinned. Even though I'll move on much like the wind. Longing I am just to say, As long as you live, you will pay. Silent as an old church mouse. Thrusting out the daring jousts Smiling like life is fare Fare is for the weak with care. Originality I'll give you that. Respect is something I do lack. Even though I am perfection. Varying past my reflection. Ending this with many rhymes. Rotten is to love as spent is to dimes. |
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Jul 11 2006, 10:03 PM
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#2
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 daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
It's not bad, although I get the feeling that you just placed the words there whether they made sense or not.
"And how do you see me? Perfection at ever turn? Ecstacy that you yearn? Refinement and style? Fraction of a happy smile? Expectations gone awry? Congeniality, and lots of lies? Thought my thoughts you could see?" - not that - that flowed well. For instance: "Fare is for the weak with care. Originality I'll give you that." How does this relate to the theme? You can work on it a little, but it's a good start overall. |
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Jul 12 2006, 11:07 AM
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#3
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SockCicle Group: Member Posts: 49 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 131,761 |
"And how do you see me?"
"Thought my thoughts you could see?" Rhymed. "Smiling like life is fare Fare is for the weak with care. Originality I'll give you that." Originality for the fact that the person the poem is aimed to thinks love is perfect. |
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Jul 12 2006, 11:43 AM
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#4
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daughter of sin Group: Member Posts: 1,653 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,134 |
I see, but don't just write it there because it rhymes. Better yet, don't rhyme.. it'll give it more freedom. And the first example you gave doesn't rhyme by the way..
Also, a lot of people think love is perfect.. I wouldn't choose originality as the word to describe it. But it's not bad. |
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Jul 13 2006, 10:44 AM
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#5
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SockCicle Group: Member Posts: 49 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 131,761 |
Just so you know. i really do appreciate your comments. All my friends ever say is "that's awesome!" or something along the lines.
Thank you. |
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