A dare for you :), .. regarding constructive criticism. Options

[AngelinaTaylor]

The Flawed Dream

The autumn leaves
fall gracefully on the ground,
as my eyes flutter closed,
my mind alluring a dream.

A dream so limpid, so true,
yet further than the sun,
further than the most distant sound
heard faintly from thousands of miles.

My only wish is to be loved,
and to love in return,
though in this equivocal world,
most wishes linger murdered in
naivety.

I only wanted to be in his arms,
to feel his elation enclosed in my soul,
to live as though I've seen the whole world,
even if the world was just a sunset.

I'd feel like a queen in his presence,
like I have everything I'd ever need.
With no tears, no reminiscence, no doubts,
just like in a perfect, flawless story.

Though as almost everything else,
the dream is now nothing but dust,
along with the autumn leaves,
it lays on the ground,

crumbled up, but still fragile and untouched..

--
Taylor``

P.S. criticism please?

[AngelinaTaylor]

I guess no one's up for it

Taylor``

[marzipan]

i like it! but it's sad... nice poem. i can't write poetry at all. the only kind i can write is haiku.

btw, don't double post.

[AngelinaTaylor]

Thanks.

I posted my second post two days after :)

Taylor``

[*This Confession*]

I use to write stuff like this.
now i don't write anymore.

Its nice though.
I don't like the end But i don't know what to tell you to make it different.