The Turning of the Fledgling Options

[Dark's Angel]

The paleness of his face
Strength that seemed to
Emanate from within,
Seemed so unearthly,
So unnatural.

His bright green eyes
Had an unnatural sheen
That would captivate many
His voice had deepened,
It had turned more seductive,
And that lured me to him.

Rigid, motionless with fright,
I stare at him as
He grins at me with
That beautiful but deadly fanged grin.
His head descends onto my throat
As I struggle,
He grins broadly before
He claims his prize.

My veins burn with pain
But that fades,
And passion started to take root.
Moaning as he drank languidly,
I swooned against his strong body.
I felt myself losing strength,
My blood draining quickly,
When he gave me the choice.

Drink, or die there,
Being cast into the dungeons,
With the other bodies.
I chose to live forever,
By his side.

[xblueradiance]

Woah... nice descriptions. The ending reminds me of the book Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. Maybe you'd like it.

The paleness of his face
Strength that seemed to
Emanate from within,
Seemed so unearthly,
So unnatural.

That's my favorite part.

[AngelinaTaylor]

It's good - I liked the imagery and everything. Created a pretty vivid picture.

The only thing that bothered me was the switch from past tense to present, then back to past and so on. You should change that.. If I were you, I'd make it all in present.