Exploiting Personal Business, Is telling everything to a close girlfriend too much? Options

[msladyliberty]

Hello everyone here at createblog...I'm having a small crisis.

My boyfriend of 3+ years does not appreciate my contribution of our personal business to my close friends.

Now, I know I'm not supposed to do this...but I need to hear other opinions from other people. So here goes...

Like most girls, we tell each other everything about our boyfriends. We say good and bad things about them. And sometimes, when we're in a dilema, we talk about it and ask each other for help. Such as: over-reacting over something or some needed advice on how to approach the problem.

And I know sometimes, us girls share our little complaints with complete strangers. Like little complaints such as: "Men are so ignorant, they only understand food and football!" like that kind of stuff.

My question is...

Is it so wrong to talk about your relationship issues with close friends?

Does EVERYTHING have to be told, even if it's over spilled milk?

Do you really care about what your significant other's friends think about you, that you hate it when he/she tells their friends all about yer business?

I'm the type that sets up the scenario and asks a girlfriend whether or not I was wrong or right, if I was over-reacting, or how should I talk to him? So I tell a girlfriend, whether or not the situation is so small, that I should get over it!

Sometimes, a different perspective helps. And talking it out and hearing a different opinion or keeping an advice in mind is needed for better understanding.

But of course, I tell only the friends that know my man personally as well. That way, there's no bias opinion.

My man says he's never done this to me...but HE SO HAS! I know because his friends say, "I heard you are 'this and that.'" or "you know about that one time ya'll had that thing goin' on? yea I knew about that one!" you know what I mean????!!!

I don't know if I'm trippin'...but I apologized for being an effin' woman for talking it over with my girlfriends. He openly knows I do it...so I don't know why he's so self-conscious about what my girls think...when they evidently think he's still a great guy...just not perfect! But who is? Whatever I say does not impair their impression of him.

So what do you guys think? Is it really wrong that I tell my girlfriends? If it is...tell me now, and be honest! 'Cause I think he's wanting to break up with me over this. So don't sugar-coat your opinions...'cause I want to know how I can improve...if I need it.

Thanks you guys

[*This Confession*]

3 years
over one thing like you talking openly with your opinions with your good friends.

well i know you never said you were in love or anything

but love isn't perfect,
you should understand each others flaws, understand that they make mistakes
but also if they were to make a mistake
to openly talk about with each other
until its solved.

Maybe you should ask your bf why he is so "self-conscious" about it.
Thats the only way your going to figure it out..truly.
Instead of asking us about it.

but also
No, I don't find it wrong that you tell your girlfriends
I think you getting their opinion before going to your bf with the problem is actually a good thing, You can make sure its not something to make a big deal out of. And making your bf and yourself stress over something that could have been solved by just talking to your friends about it.

Also while i was writing that i actually thought that maybe hes jealous? Maybe he wants to know everything you talk to your friends about, and be the first to hear them before they do.

&shrugs; just a thought.

[lyin_in_wait]

sure talking about it to your friends could come back to bite you in the ass but what else can you do? you cant talk to it about him if hes the one causing it, especially if he thinks its over exaggerating, when you feel differently. if he talks to his friends about you then its fair game to talk to your friends about him. plus you would probably go insane if you held it all in..

he should respect your ways of dealing with things. but you should also respect the fact that it does bother him. maybe he feels like hes being left in the dark about some things that you two are supposed to work out and not you two...and some friends.

he could be scared that the friends would turn you against him...

[xCrys]

Well, I can't say much I don't really fit the basic scenario of having "Girls" to talk to. I mostly talk to boys. Haha, and if Mike doesn't want me telling someone something, I don't. But the thing is, he's not self concious, so I can talk to people about things... Though I am severly open to Mike. I dunno what to say with this... I sorta speak my mind to my bf before anyone else... Though it might be because he's also my best pal. I say you talk it over with him instead of asking strangers for advice =P Haha, I hope things work out... If you want them to that is... Well, gl anyway.

[Chii]

I think he's upset because he doesn't understand why you would need a second opinion or talk about your relationship to others. Maybe he wishes that you'd talk to him about your problems instead. Or, he could be wondering if you're just making him out to be the bad guy and making yourself high and mighty or the victim. I know what that's like, my ex twisted everything I said and made himself the victim. In all his away messages and his xanga he said all this crap and aired all my personal things. Maybe your boyfriend is afraid that you're doing that, telling people private stuff.

Or, maybe he doesn't understand that girls are very open and close with their girlfriends. Guys don't really talk to their friends about their relationships. The only thing they talk about is what the girl is like, is she attractive, where he met her, etc. I don't think they delve in too deeply.

I don't think that it's wrong of you to tell your girlfriends about your relationship but I think it might be wrong to tell them everything. You should keep some of it to yourself so you two have something that's just for the two of you. Maybe that's what upsets him, with your girlfriends knowing everything it's kind of like he has a relationship with you and all of them.

Or maybe, he feels that you should be able to make your own decisions and choices in the relationship. Like, instead of running off to your friends for advice, you come up with a decision or choice all on your own. He could also be afraid that eventually instead of thinking for yourself, you might be thinking "what would so and so do in this situation?" or "what would so and so do?"

Or maybe he's afraid that someday, you'll just run directly to your friends after a disagreement you had with him instead of talking to him about it.

There are many possibilites, talk to him about it. Ask him why he thinks it's wrong.

[_sarcastic_]

^agreed.
i think it's sometimes a good thing to talk to your close friends (not too many) if you're having a problem with your bf
i mean i tell my bestfriend when i have a problem with my bf or when he does something so sweet that i HAVE to share it with someone else.
but like what chii said, he's probably wondering why you don't open up to him first before opening up to your friends

[*This Confession*]

hah
yea i don't fall under the category of having "girls" as well
actually i fall under the "noone" category.

unless its online

[*mipadi*]

Here's the thing: Do your girlfriends keep the stuff to themselves? His issue might not be with your telling your friends; his issue might be with your friends telling their friends, and so on and so forth.

[demolished]

that would lead to jealousy, hate, dispair, and ... puwahahaha.

[msladyliberty]

thanks fer the help you guys

All is well in the household again!

Turns out, he was upset over something I said at the sportsbook.

I said, "I have a final tomorrow and my man woke me up to make a bet. lol...you guys are such guys!"

Then the guy at the sportsbook just repeated what I just said...to my boyfriend the next day, and he felt so ashamed.

I told him that I was just kidding!! But he said he felt like a dumb-ass.

All is well now, 'cuz I told him I didn't mean to hurt his feeligns.

I just posted my crisis up because I thought that initially, it was about me talking about our business with friends. It just sucks when I get the silent treatment sometimes and I have to "guess" what's up.

But I got it out of him!

Of course I don't talk about the too too personal stuff...like if he robbed the bank or something...i wouldn't tell a single soul!! But he knows that I keep "our secrets" between us.

It's just the argument stuff that I talk about with my friends. like for instance: "Can you believe he got mad at me for that?" like that.

yea...sorry to have taken up your time ya'll! but I really appreciate the response and help

[msladyliberty]

Here's the thing: Do your girlfriends keep the stuff to themselves? His issue might not be with your telling your friends; his issue might be with your friends telling their friends, and so on and so forth.

Well...I'm sure they do. I only have ONE close friend here in town.

The other one lives in Florida

and the other ones...whom I rarely talk to...live in Hawaii. So they know my man personally...but not our group of friends here in vegas.

So it's like..."who are they gonna tell? when they don't even have close relations to people in our group." ya know?

I'm pretty careful on whom I tell all to.

Chii and Sarcastic

Funny you two mention that...my boyfriend and I are actually working on that right now. Going to each other first before friends.

We had a HUGE fight over something like that like...months ago. So we're both slowly improving on it.

[*This Confession*]

don't double post

edit your last one.

[PrincessAda]

He might think your friends can`t be trusted..If you trust them..then you should talk about it.