going to the doctor after losing your virginity, i need advice/help. Options

[xo_rock]

okay, so me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex (i dont know if this topic is "innapropriate" but im sorry if it is.), and we have done "foreplay" and stuff before. I have my physical in august, and we are most likely gonna have sex before then.

Im nervous because my doctor asks every year "have you had sex", and i dont know how to answer it this year. My doctor knows & is kinda friends with my mom, and i dont want her knowing im having sex because she wants me to wait until im married, but im completely in love with my boyfriend now, and ive already thought it through.

what do i say to my doctor?
i know i probably shouldnt lie, because they need to know incase you get an STD, STI, or get pregnant, but i really do not want her telling my mom.
Should i tell my doctor i have (because i most likely will have sex before my physical)
and if so, what should i say to her?

[makeshiftwings]

if you're really that worried about your mom finding out, but you think you're ready, why don't you just wait until after the physical? what's the pressure to do it so soon?

and if it does happen before, you shouldn't lie to your doctor. you're going to get a physical, so they will find out anyway.

[xo_rock]

yeah so i really need someones advice.

[*RiC3xBoy*]

Just tell your doctor the truth, and ask that he/she not tell your parents. Considering he/she is an experienced docter, he/she should have past experiences and will understand.

[_sarcastic_]

^agreed
just tell your doctor, she's going to find out one way or another. and she dosen't have to tell your mom if you don't want her to.

[juliar]

Yea, if you ask your doctor not to tell, your doctor shouldn't.

Unless you're uber-young, which you probably aren't.

[Looow]

You shouldn't lie. Doctors aren't supposed to tell your parents if you asked for it to be confidental. Unless its like something really big .. but I don't see why the doctor would say.

[xo_rock]

yeah im 15, so thats not too young to the point where they would tell my mom right?
but ill just ask for her not to tell anyone,
and if she does tell my mom cant i get her into trouble?

[aznxdreamer]

^ i dnoo...most teenagers that young THINK that they're in love but really, they're either just infuatuated or its lust. and i know how your feeling at teh moment because im 15 too and me and my bf are having the whole "should we have sex" dealio. if you do have sex, then just tell your doctor the truth, doctors usually dont tell parents if you dont want them too. but the best and safest way is just to not have sex at all.

[mylittleMiracle]

tell the doctor and tell her not to tell this to your parents,i think she will help you to keep this secret. between i think you have sex too early because you are only 15 and your mind arent mature enough.

[lilnatcat]

erm........... ^ditto!

ur onli 15.... thinking of having sex already?

well........ if u do have sex before the date of the session, u should tell ur doctor the truth AND ask her not to tell ur mum.......

i'm sure she won't tell considering as a patient, u have the right to keep things private and the doctor should respect ur decision and keep her mouth zipped about it.

coz if u tell her, she will know that u trust her. if u don't tell her and she finds out, its giving her the impression that u don't trust her...... so yea......

HOWEVER,
if u don't tell her, and she finds out..... which she most likely will since she's a doctor, she will tell ur mum..... think of it THAT way....

[starlette]

actually
even if you lie to the doctor
she'll know you had sex anyway..

so you my as well just tell her the truth..
and just ask her not to tell anyone..
although i do think if your parents ask then they do have to tell the truth..

LIES!!

Your doctor doesnt check to see if you hymen is in tact during a physical. I'm sorry. Have you ever had a physical? Its not a gynocologist exam, its just a physical. They do weight and height and blood pressure and crap. To be honest, I wouldn't say a word. Youre at the age where a doctor can use her discretion on wether to tell your parents and I didnt want my parents to know either and im 20 years old. Unless you think you might be pregnant or have a disease id be quiet. and if you think you do have one of those issues, go to planned parenthood. They will respect your privacy. Just try not to have sex the week of your physical just in case there is a little spermicide or something left and it winds up in your urine sample.

[xCrys]

^ I agree with what she says...

Though 15? Even though you say you love this guy, youre still way young! Heck it's illeg in some places (yeah, yeah, i know, who listens to rules anyway?) But thats not the point... I dunno I'm over protective of girls sometimes haha...

Plus, I'm uber close with my mom, if something like that happened, I'd tell her... We've got that kind of open relationship thing going on... But I'm no where near ready for sex w/ my bf and I'm 17... I dunno, I'm just one who wants to really really wait on the right time... Which knowing me, even though I'm not religious, will be after marriage... Uh, I'm getting too deep into myself aren't I?

Anyway, my opinion is just to wait really, if you love eachother, you can wait ...

[/rant]

But if you actually go through with it, tell your doctor... plus these three words come in handy : "Doctor - Patient Confidentiality" If she does tell your mom after that... Then you'll have some 'splainin to do... =x (and some trouble making for the doctor..)

[*This Confession*]

sorry
i read it wrong
and thought the wrong thing..
it was like 5 in the morning..
personally i would just keep my mouth shut
although i don't trust my parents at all really..
but i mean if you get that uncomfortable and nervous you can
always tell the doctor and ask her not to say anything..

also ehm you may want to question your relationship as well
make sure you two are ready.
talk about all the risks and stuff
and if your still ready then i can't stop ya.

[*Uronacid*]

okay, so me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex (i dont know if this topic is "innapropriate" but im sorry if it is.), and we have done "foreplay" and stuff before. I have my physical in august, and we are most likely gonna have sex before then.

Im nervous because my doctor asks every year "have you had sex", and i dont know how to answer it this year. My doctor knows & is kinda friends with my mom, and i dont want her knowing im having sex because she wants me to wait until im married, but im completely in love with my boyfriend now, and ive already thought it through.

what do i say to my doctor?
i know i probably shouldnt lie, because they need to know incase you get an STD, STI, or get pregnant, but i really do not want her telling my mom.
Should i tell my doctor i have (because i most likely will have sex before my physical)
and if so, what should i say to her?

Alright, your doctor doesn't need to know. KNowing whether your sexually active or not is just a way for the doctor to trouble shoot illness/sickness and rule out possible problems with your body. If you feel like the things you will say to the doctor are not going to be kept confidential then don't tell him...

One issue I see you facing is that you can't seem to talk to your parents about it. I'm just going to take what you said for face value, and say that it sounds like you don't want to tell your mom becuase your afraid of dissapionting her... I know that when I had sex I didn't want to tell my parents either. I thought they would be so dissapionted in me. I also thought they would punish me. The truth was that they didn't want me to have sex becuase they knew I would get hurt afterward. They were only trying to protect me. After all it's a parents job to protect their children. When i did tell them, they were nothing but loving and supportive. They really felt my pain because they had gone through the same thing as me when they were my age. Your parents are probobly telling you not to have sex becuase they are trying to protect you. I know I didn't see it they way when they told em not to have sex untl i was married.

The other issue i see here is you making a discision you will probobly regret. I personally recommend that you don't have sex. The truth is, you don't know whats going to happen in the future. Like you said, you're 15. You and your boyfriend and going to change alot before your relationship gets to the piont of marriage. Although it seems like things are easy now, and you both love eachother. You will go through more changes in your life in highschool and college than any other years in your life. You don't know if this relationship will last forever, and although you hope and have faith that it will.... do you really know for sure? Also, what will you be saving for your husband when you get married if this relationship doesn't work out. Don't you want to give the man that you truley love that special gift. You may last that long, but you should still wait until you do just to make sure.

I understand how had it is, after all... im not a virgin, but i do regret loosing my virginity... and thats why im telling you this stuff... message me if you got questions =]

[Smoogrish]

^ That's some really good advice.

Tell your doctor, and explain your situation. I suppose you could politely ask her not to tell your mom.

However, even if your mom might get horrendously mad at you, you should tell her. It's just not a good feeling to hide things, and like Uronacid said, you might regret having sex later, so really think it over beforehand.

[swimgirlarc]

Like uronacid said...
people change alot through highschool and college.
a lot.
i'm just 15, but i've seen people i've known, and it happens

you might change for the better and he might change for the worse or vice versa. Then you'll regret ever hoooking up with him.

Also if you do do it, be prepared for rumors around the school. So my advice would be if u end up doing it, make him swear on his grave he wont tell a soul or else there'll be some drama.
believe me...youll be labeled the class whore.
i know a few aquaintances like that.

so really really think about the future when you do this and not the present, because anything can happen btwn u two.

[*Uronacid*]

Also, before you say you love your boyfriend... ask yourself, what does love truely mean? You really can't describe love in and of itself. You can only describe what people do when they are in love. People who are in love do whats best for the people they love. Is your boyfreind having sex with you really whats best and is he thinking of all the possible outcomes? the risks and problems acossiated with sex at such a young age are extemely severe.

There are so many negative variables that can come out of having sex while in highschool or before you are married that it just doesn't make any sense to do so, and most of them arn't std's.

Wouldn't it mean more if you both saved yourselves. You both must realize that your relationship has the possibility of not lasting forever. Why would you want to have sex when the option to break up is still an option?

one last thing i would like to say, im not here to tell you that your boyfriend doesn't love you. In fact he may feel that he loves you. He may just not be looking at every possible outcome of the situation... love takes time, you need to learn how to meat someones needs before you can love someone. He may even feel that having sex with you may be loving you. I'm not even saying that sex doesn't feel good... in fact, sex feels frickin awsome... but the consequences of sex can be disasterous...

a wise father once said, "There is a reason doing the right thing is so hard. If it wasn't, it wouldn't mean a thing."

[iROCKYOURSOCKS]

Also, before you say you love your boyfriend... ask yourself, what does love truely mean? You really can't describe love in and of itself. You can only describe what people do when they are in love. People who are in love do whats best for the people they love. Is your boyfreind having sex with you really whats best and is he thinking of all the possible outcomes? the risks and problems acossiated with sex at such a young age are extemely severe.

There are so many negative variables that can come out of having sex while in highschool or before you are married that it just doesn't make any sense to do so, and most of them arn't std's.

Wouldn't it mean more if you both saved yourselves. You both must realize that your relationship has the possibility of not lasting forever. Why would you want to have sex when the option to break up is still an option?

one last thing i would like to say, im not here to tell you that your boyfriend doesn't love you. In fact he may feel that he loves you. He may just not be looking at every possible outcome of the situation... love takes time, you need to learn how to meat someones needs before you can love someone. He may even feel that having sex with you may be loving you. I'm not even saying that sex doesn't feel good... in fact, sex feels frickin awsome... but the consequences of sex can be disasterous...

a wise father once said, "There is a reason doing the right thing is so hard. If it wasn't, it wouldn't mean a thing."

THAT IS HECKA TRUE!!! but yea really tho doctors wont know if you are a virgin or not because they jus ask you and that is it. then they do other tests to see if you are pregnant. but really tho if you are this scared about having sex and your mom knowing and having doubts then its a big sign that you are not ready yet. you are still very young and love is a concept that is confusing at times when you are 15 ( i know because i was there ) of course their is a lot of peer pressure about loving someone, todays ultimate sign of love means having sex with someone and that is totally untrue. You can love someone to death without having sex yet. Really take time to talk this over with your bf and think of the risk factors. if your bf really loves you he will understand and be patient. hope everything turns out okay

[mseryel2]

Just tell your doctor the truth, and ask that he/she not tell your parents. Considering he/she is an experienced docter, he/she should have past experiences and will understand.

i agree.

[sweetabandon]

To avoid telling the truth to the doctor, go get you and your boyfriend tested. That way you won't have to worry about the STD part. Problem is, if there is anything else that you may have gotten from having sex like say, Urinary tract infection, your doctor prolly won't do a test to find it.

Your best bet is to just tell the truth just so you know you're alright. Besides, the doctor will only tell your parents if you're pregnant because that's a serious issue for a minor to face.

But looking at the previous replies, why not wait? If you love your boyfriend and vise versa then that means you'll be together for a long time, right? You don't have to prove your love by having sex. Sex is not the ulimate step to take to show that you're in love.

I'm sorry but I just wish more girls would lose their virginities at a later age. I realize that this is your decision, but maybe a little waiting can't hurt.

[blah1234567]

when he asks the question just say yes. you dont have to look him in the face or anything..but just say yes lol. if you dont want it being said to your mom tell him you dont want anything said before the doctor leaves the room.

[cashmere deer]

LIES!!

Your doctor doesnt check to see if you hymen is in tact during a physical. I'm sorry. Have you ever had a physical? Its not a gynocologist exam, its just a physical. They do weight and height and blood pressure and crap. To be honest, I wouldn't say a word. Youre at the age where a doctor can use her discretion on wether to tell your parents and I didnt want my parents to know either and im 20 years old. Unless you think you might be pregnant or have a disease id be quiet. and if you think you do have one of those issues, go to planned parenthood. They will respect your privacy. Just try not to have sex the week of your physical just in case there is a little spermicide or something left and it winds up in your urine sample.

Woo! I was waiting for someone to say that. First of all, yes, a doctor isn't going to check. Also, if they were to check there really is no way to determine if you are a virgin or not. I mean yes they can see if the hymen is broken but that doesn't necesarrily mean you had sex. I say lie to the doctor, but only if you're sure nothing is wrong. But you do seem a little young so I'd think twice about having sex anyway. Good Lucky with your decision.

[hrhcrazy007]

Just tell your doctor the truth, and ask that he/she not tell your parents. Considering he/she is an experienced docter, he/she should have past experiences and will understand.

Agree.

[timeflies51]

Well, think about it. If you ever got pregnant or an STI, you'd eventually have to say something anyway. I think that if you just get it over with now, your mom will get over it a lot easier than she would if she found out through you getting pregnant or an STI.

And yeah, a patient has confidentiality rights. If you don't want your doctor to tell your mom, then they won't. Same thing for psychologists. Heck, all doctors, in fact. (I mean, unless it's something really serious, of course.)

[PrincessAda]

Tell your doctor to keep it between you and her/him.No body should know your personal bussiness unless you want them to.

[Comik-knerd]

That's why you just listen to your parents and don't have sex till your married

[*Uronacid*]

That's why you just listen to your parents and don't have sex till your married

-_- its not quite that easy.... i mean, my paretns told me not to have sex, but it's like i still want to so bad... *sigh* try trying trying SO f**king HARD!!! AAAGGAGGHHH!H!H!H!!!!! MUST HAVE SEX!!!!!

[lalalaLANUH]

I don't have any first hand experience in this case, but I can tell you I hear alot of stories about highschool relationships that changed. Why put yourself through all that, if you're just acting on lust or something? I mean you've only spent 15 years on this planet. Do you know yourself well enough to get into this kind of situation?
But that's not really the problem at hand.
I say talk to your doctor. And tell your parents. It's good to have an open relationship with them. But if you really don't want them to know just ask your doctor not to tell your parents. Isn't there something like a doctor-patient confidentiality agreement? I mean, you can't always know if you have an STD or something. The signs aren't always there. For your safety your doctor should know. He/she should know the difference between their role as a doctor and as a family friend.

[Paradox of Life]

Um, don't lose your virginity if you don't want your doctor or your mother to find out. Obviously you and your mom are not ready. You can wait a few more years until that's not a concern anymore.

[Joss-eh-lime]

you can tell your doctor you want your parent to wait outside when they ask you questions.

your mom might be annoyed, but the info is between u and ur doctor.

btw they ask alot of questions for your benefit, so you need to be truthful.

[killuh katy]

well one day it will come to you.
i went through it with my mom.
she was so mad.
but she understands now and were cool.
our better safe than sorry.
tell your doctor, and even if she is friends with your mom.
as a doctor, you could ask her not to tell.

[xo_rock]

LIES!!

Your doctor doesnt check to see if you hymen is in tact during a physical. I'm sorry. Have you ever had a physical? Its not a gynocologist exam, its just a physical. They do weight and height and blood pressure and crap. To be honest, I wouldn't say a word. Youre at the age where a doctor can use her discretion on wether to tell your parents and I didnt want my parents to know either and im 20 years old. Unless you think you might be pregnant or have a disease id be quiet. and if you think you do have one of those issues, go to planned parenthood. They will respect your privacy. Just try not to have sex the week of your physical just in case there is a little spermicide or something left and it winds up in your urine sample.

im not saying she will check my hymen.
but when i go in there she always asks me, "have you had sex before?"

[DORKalicious]

if your so worried about it, just don't have sex. i can't tell you what to do, but your only 15

[*This Confession*]

^ yea i mostly agree with that
although josh [uronacid]
i think covered that part of that...

[adecimalabove]

virgin, haha but i prolly would

[TaiintedDesiires]

Doctor-Patient confidentiality. I don't think they can tell anyone unless they have your permission or a warrant. I'm pretty sure you can sue them if they do tell

[*Ox_Su`Zie*]

Even if she waited until after her physical...when she gets another one the next year, she's going to be asked the same question.

suzzette your so smart lol. the best thing to do is tell your doctor doctors have a plege to confidentiality and im sure if you ask her and stress it to her enough not to tell your mom she wont no matter how good a friends she is with your mom. BELIVE ME. its her job.

[starlette]

im not saying she will check my hymen.
but when i go in there she always asks me, "have you had sex before?"

WOAH CHICK TAKE A FRIGGIN CHILL PILL BEFORE YOU HAVE AN ANEURYSM!!! U dont know me, so dont shout. I wasnt directing that to you. I was correcting all the freaking MORONS in the thread who kept telling you the doctor will know whether you tell her or not which is not true. If this is how u act in an online forum you obviously arent mature to be screwin around. Wait a few years when you develop some maturity. And some temper control. Yellin at me like you me...sh*t.

[AngelinaTaylor]

You're 14!!!!!!! Are you insane? You want to rush having sex while you're still a child? Why? Why not just wait? It'll be SO much more special when you share actual, true, real, long-lasting love. I doubt you've been with your boyfriend for a long time (say two years), so why rush it?

Your parents are against it anyway. Just don't do it. What will you do if you get pregnat? If you get an STD? You'll ruin your life.

Kids these days.. >.<

Taylor``

[x3_mr_mak]

15 IS kinda early
if ur completely in love w/ ur bf,
why not wait 2 yrs?
it`ll be more special

[*Ox_Su`Zie*]

^^^ your pretty i saw your myspace.

15 IS kinda early
if ur completely in love w/ ur bf,
why not wait 2 yrs?
it`ll be more special

theres no telling a person if theyre in love or not. theres no age for love. Why wait two what`s the diffrence from right now and 2 years in 2 years she'll still love him right?


* How long have you been dating?

[xo_rock]

WOAH CHICK TAKE A FRIGGIN CHILL PILL BEFORE YOU HAVE AN ANEURYSM!!! U dont know me, so dont shout. I wasnt directing that to you. I was correcting all the freaking MORONS in the thread who kept telling you the doctor will know whether you tell her or not which is not true. If this is how u act in an online forum you obviously arent mature to be screwin around. Wait a few years when you develop some maturity. And some temper control. Yellin at me like you me...sh*t.

who said i was yelling?
you cant yell online,
get off the computer and get a life once in a while.

^^^ your pretty i saw your myspace.
theres no telling a person if theyre in love or not. theres no age for love. Why wait two what`s the diffrence from right now and 2 years in 2 years she'll still love him right?
* How long have you been dating?

almost a year.

[AngelinaTaylor]

who said i was yelling?
you cant yell online,
get off the computer and get a life once in a while.
almost a year.

If you type like this, with large letters, it's considered yelling!

And may I ask how old he is?

Taylor``

[mizzkim]

haha... maybe you should do your physical first.. than have sex

[mustlovegiraffes]

if your so worried about it, just don't have sex. i can't tell you what to do, but your only 15

i agree. if you and your boyfriend are in love, then whats the rush? you'll obviously be together for a long time. you could wait. 15 is pretty young. where i live its actually illegal to have sex before you're 16, not that anyone follows that law, but i think they make laws like that for a reason..

[cheri_pi]

Yeah, there's doctor-patient confidentiality, and your doctor could lose her job if she tells your mom without your permission.
But I wouldn't do it...

[Hannarr]

First off
if you are really worried
wait untill after ur physical
if u and ur boyfriend really love each other, whats the rush?

but,
if you do have sex before
just tell him/her the truth
everythin u tell doctors is confidential..

[lauren5848]

either dont have sex or tell ur doctor the truth and tell her to not tell your mom there is doctor patient confidentiality u kno and i dont want to contradict wat you think but you dont truly kno if you luv someone until u marry them

[whenshesdancing]

i think it is your doctor's job to keep it confidential, especially if you want her to.

[doork]

You shouldn't lie. Doctors aren't supposed to tell your parents if you asked for it to be confidental. Unless its like something really big .. but I don't see why the doctor would say.

Yeah.. Just ask the doctor to keep your stuff confidential.