The English language, Read the post first.. |
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 May 19 2004, 04:27 PM
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#1
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 Senior Member  Group: Member Posts: 1,795 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,421  |
The following is the intro to Richard Lederer's essay, "English is a Crazy Language"
QUOTE Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why it is that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? If you have one goose, two geese, why not one moose, two meese, or one index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, or that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship; have noses that run and feet that smell; park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites, and quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horsefull carriage or a strapfull gown; met a sung hero or experienced requited love; have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when they lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I windup this essay, I end it? So... how crazy do you think it is? vote on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the craziest If you enjoyed the intro, more of his essay can be found at his website, here |
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May 19 2004, 06:00 PM
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 hi. call me linda. Group: Official Member Posts: 8,187 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,475 |
Hah, I remember in middle school- my art teacher made posters of some of those- like, "Why do feet smell and noses run" and the one about vegetarians. but thats so true and weird.
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May 19 2004, 11:10 PM
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#3
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Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,795 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,421 |
*sniffle* why are no ppl voting? maybe i should've posted this in "lounge", hardly anyone looks in this section
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May 20 2004, 12:14 AM
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#4
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 Feeel X Group: Member Posts: 2,814 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,498 |
this is my favorite section, so hilarous, i voted. moah! what does my leg smell and my nose run?
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May 20 2004, 01:05 AM
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#5
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 - kuupi! ♥- Group: Member Posts: 937 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,148 |
Bottom line, we're nuts. Therefore, our language must be bonkers as well. That's the only way I can really explain it.
Thanks for posting this! 
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May 24 2004, 02:10 PM
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#6
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 Hi! I'm Dani :) Group: Member Posts: 5,637 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,369 |
i rate it 10
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May 28 2004, 11:19 PM
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#7
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 i'm susan Group: Official Member Posts: 13,875 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 5,029 |
QUOTE(dani41790 @ May 24 2004, 12:10 PM) i rate it 10 same here i rate it 10...and now y do i supposed to do? o_o;;; um read the quote? -_-;;;; umm.. ha...ha...ha? |
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May 29 2004, 07:48 PM
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#8
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 Look its... Group: Official Member Posts: 5,817 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,767 |
i rate a 10 also. cus that is true!!!
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Jul 8 2004, 02:55 PM
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#9
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 Kermit the frog = <3 Group: Member Posts: 2,315 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 15,215 |
10
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Jul 8 2004, 03:51 PM
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#10
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 Me myself and I Group: Member Posts: 435 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 22,120 |
i rate it a 10
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Jul 14 2004, 04:26 PM
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#11
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 hi-diddily-ho neighbor Group: Member Posts: 107 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 457 |
haha..i guess your right. english really doesn't make sense.
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Jul 16 2004, 11:15 AM
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#12
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 doot doot doot Group: Member Posts: 1,803 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,954 |
english IS crazy, if it wasnt so hard i think a lot of ppl would ace the SAT's hahaha
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Jul 16 2004, 01:55 PM
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#13
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 Coolerator Group: Member Posts: 413 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,442 |
QUOTE(kriziaandrei2 @ Jul 16 2004, 11:08 AM) 100! okay i'm exxagerating but it's a universal language you can practically speak it anywhere and somebody should understand you.... wrong. Fly a plane to India and ask for water in english. Its a 7 cuz it was a 2nd language and i liek korean better. |
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Jul 16 2004, 10:18 PM
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#14
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 original member. Group: Official Member Posts: 4,825 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,460 |
that was confusing.
gave my mind quite the work out. |
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Jul 17 2004, 03:07 PM
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#15
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 136 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 29,627 |
omg that intro was soo TRUE! haha
 the english language is a mystery to everyone..haha |
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Jul 20 2004, 02:51 PM
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#16
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 will dance 4 hugz Group: Member Posts: 324 Joined: Jun 2004 Member No: 21,950 |
hehe i think it's the craziest language because it's a little bit of everything. it has some latin, greek, etc... a past instructor of mine has told me that english is one of the hardest languages to really understand. haha. that's a good one.
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Jul 20 2004, 02:58 PM
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#17
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 durian Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 13,124 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 3,860 |
I remember reading this in english class this school year.. Wait.. I think... or was it in 9th grade? ah well.. anyways I give it an 8... English is too complicated for me.. and yet, It's the ONLY language I can really speak fluently >_<"
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| *Weird addiction* |
Aug 14 2004, 10:26 AM
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#18
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Guest |
....english is the best language eva
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Aug 14 2004, 12:37 PM
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#19
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 s a r a h r o s e <3 Group: Member Posts: 575 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 12,944 |
lol tru, how come there are interstate highwayz in hawaii
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Aug 14 2004, 03:42 PM
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#20
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,989 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,691 |
Yeah true.
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Aug 14 2004, 06:13 PM
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#21
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 and they say imitation is flattering Group: Member Posts: 1,337 Joined: Jul 2004 Member No: 27,269 |
English is a 10... I like speaking a language that could be summed up as gibberish ^_^
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Aug 14 2004, 09:58 PM
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#22
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 ∙+∙o.OJadeyO.o∙+∙ Group: Member Posts: 27 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 40,281 |
haha the english language is the most complicated language, i didnt know that till my teacher tol me
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Aug 14 2004, 10:00 PM
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#23
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 Quand j'étais jeune... Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 6,826 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,272 |
The essay was awesome and I voted 10. English is full of paradoxes and puns, therefore, when it is used creatively, it can be so lyrical, poignant, stately... ETC.
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Aug 14 2004, 11:03 PM
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#24
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 1,384 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 37,337 |
lmao i've always wondered that...
i vote like a hundred its too crazy |
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Aug 28 2004, 03:41 PM
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#25
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 sarcasm hides what you really feel Group: Member Posts: 550 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 37,105 |
thats tru i like this one
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Sep 8 2004, 01:32 AM
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#26
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 GREEENROCKS Group: Member Posts: 1,393 Joined: Apr 2004 Member No: 10,624 |
i
 the english language  so a PERFECT TEN from me
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Sep 27 2004, 07:05 PM
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#27
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 i've never wanted anything rationale. Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,449 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 19,045 |
lol thats a fucckin tiiiight essay! i like it
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Sep 30 2004, 10:52 PM
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#28
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 31 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 52,503 |
3
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