My very short poem. |
 Apr 4 2006, 04:44 PM
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#1
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 speechless  Group: Member Posts: 869 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 163,564  |
Wish I could say,
That the best of me stayed, Like everything else, It's gone away, I was blind, I was stupid, To let chu get the best of me, Now it's clear, Now I see, That the problem isn't you it's me. I'll admit right now that this poem is where amatuer... but I was feeling like writing something childish and cheesy... |
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Apr 4 2006, 05:00 PM
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#2
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victim of myspace.com Group: Member Posts: 395 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,435 |
I didn't think it was tooo childish. But "chu", yeah.
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Apr 4 2006, 07:05 PM
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#3
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
QUOTE Now it's clear, Now I see, That the problem isn't you it's me. I think that was pretty clear throughout the poem, so it's no surprise when you stated it at the end. This isn't really a poem .. it seems choppy, disconnected and redundant. I like the theme. Could be developed a bit more though. |
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Apr 4 2006, 08:23 PM
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#4
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speechless Group: Member Posts: 869 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 163,564 |
QUOTE(Paradox of Life @ Apr 4 2006, 5:05 PM)  I think that was pretty clear throughout the poem, so it's no surprise when you stated it at the end. This isn't really a poem .. it seems choppy, disconnected and redundant. I like the theme. Could be developed a bit more though. Okay fine... it's actually part of a song. But I've written in a long time and when I do, I never seem to able to finish it. Look me up on the web @ www.CertifiedMusic.com or my other artists... www.LindaLow.com or www.NatalieOei.com |
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