Momma used to tell me |
| *My Cinderella.* |
 Mar 29 2006, 09:37 PM
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#1
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Momma used to tell me that love wasn't real
and that you couldn't always tell by the way that you feel Momma used to tell me that the tales were fake and in order to have a happy ending it was up to you to make Momma used to tell me that love was a dream and when you finally get a hold of it, it isn't what it seems As time slowly passed, my momma was right There was no prince charming, no love at first sight Momma used to sing about how her and dad used to be Used to be together, in love, even had a family But now all that love is gone, it can never come back cause I knew that it was over when daddy stood at the door with his sack There were tears in our eyes, and thats when I knew Momma was right when she said that it hurts to lose a boo. I never wanna feel the pain that I once felt. But still I long for that feeling, for that boy who would make my heart melt. But alas, momma is right and that's all I'll ever know why? because I never again want to see my daddy go. And the memory still replays in my mind every second, every minute, every single time... Basically, just need some C&C. Wrote this out of boredom. |
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Mar 29 2006, 09:49 PM
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#2
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victim of myspace.com  Group: Member Posts: 395 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 386,435 |
I don't think there really can be any critisism (sp??). Its very nicely written, and I love it. Comments are...why I don't have critisism. haha.
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Mar 29 2006, 09:53 PM
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^ Thanks Sierra
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Mar 29 2006, 09:55 PM
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#4
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 3,055 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 174,796 |
It sounds like a rap to me
 But it's good =) |
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Mar 29 2006, 09:56 PM
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^ LOL That's what I thought when I read it over.
Say...this is starting to sound like a rap |
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Mar 29 2006, 10:03 PM
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 Pocketful of Sunshine Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 8,690 Joined: Nov 2005 Member No: 289,004 |
Lol Steffie, now that I think about it, it kidna does.
 Jane, that's such a cute rap.. I mean poem. 
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Mar 29 2006, 10:08 PM
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 Oh sure, just cause of the mommas?
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Mar 30 2006, 01:15 PM
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 621 Joined: Mar 2006 Member No: 387,078 |
This a great poem or er rap? Lol. I usually dont like poems that rhyme but this is perfect. It's not forced and it flows.
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Mar 31 2006, 11:30 AM
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^
 thank you so much
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| *ranniel* |
Mar 31 2006, 08:18 PM
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QUOTE(skp86 @ Mar 29 2006, 9:55 PM)  It sounds like a rap to me But it's good =) sure does, but it sounds great. 
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| *Blow_Don't_SUCK* |
Mar 31 2006, 08:25 PM
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#11
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QUOTE(My Cinderella. @ Mar 29 2006, 9:56 PM) ^ LOL That's what I thought when I read it over. Say...this is starting to sound like a rap I loved this one. It really portrayed one's desire to avoid pain and yet experience the one thing that causes it. I love it love it love it.(for a second I was like...yeah me ghetto  )
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| *My Cinderella.* |
Apr 1 2006, 12:24 PM
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^
 Thank you so much Yen.
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| *Blow_Don't_SUCK* |
Apr 1 2006, 12:27 PM
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#13
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^You're welcome.
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