"I'm Not Sure...", This one cut me deep... Options

[SSJ Kenshin]

Okay, so my gf and I have been dating for well over a year, now, and I have to admit, we don't see much of each other anymore, (she's a hs senior, and I'm a freshman in college), but I digress.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, we were playing this game over the phone. We would ask each other questions, and the other had to answer truthfully. We did this for a full three nights, and it really opened our eyes, as we learned a lot about the other.That is, until I asked my final question; the moment things went bad...

The question was, "Do you consider yourself in love in this relationship?"

Her answer was, "I'm not sure"

I got a little angry, and I asked why she felt that way, and she said she didn't trust me fully yet, because she had a bad past with boyfriends, even though this is easily the longest relationship either one of us has been involved in. It kinda hurt that between November of 2004 and now, she didn't trust me.

Now, I find myself questioning my feelings for her entirely. I wish I hadn't asked that stupid question.

This is where you come in, Cb Crowd. What should I do?

[upf147]

eek...rough situation, i dont know what to tell you other than tell her why she should trust you, i kind of just had the same thing happen, last night i was talking to my g/f and asked her about how she said one time about a month ago when we were talking, i said i wanted her to open up more to me, and she said she didnt want to be vulnerable. well, after a month of pondering why/what she meant, i brought it up and she said she didnt want to get hurt, she said she didnt want to fall for me and me go to college next year and her get hurt. I asked why, and if it was because it happened before and she didnt say anything (instant messanger) for six minutes, then i explained to her that i would never hurt her and that is a promise, and i swore to god, because truthfully, i wouldn't, i have too much respect, and she really appreciated me telling her what i had to say...try talking to her about it more and why she should trust you, matter of fact, i am going to finish me and my g/f's conversation in person later tonight, because i want to make sure we both understand each others side/thoughts fully.

[FoxBandCutie08]

I have to say that I've been in that situation too, where I was aprehensive to trust my boyfriend. It wasn't over such a long period of time though. Have you ever done anything to break her trust, or give her a reason not to trust you? If you haven't, then I believe she is not realizing how good of a relationship you two have. It might be the fact that you guys don't see each other, and it's a lot easier to do things and get away with them when you're not around each other. Just talk to her, getting mad at her won't make her confide in you or solve the problem. Talk reasonably with her about it and find out why she feels that she cannot trust you, since obviously you've proven to be a better boyfriend than her past ones.

[_sarcastic_]

don't get mad at her, i had some trust issues with my ex. he lies too much, but i'm sure you don't
talk it out with her some more, tell her that you'll never hurt her.

[xblueradiance]

She's probably just a little hesitant/cautious with relationships now because of her past boyfriends. Talk to her and let her know that you would never hurt her. Ask her why she's currently not trusting you. Don't force it out of her, though. Just make sure you are both comfortable and calm.

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

Let her learn to trust you a bit more. If a girl had a bad history with boyfriends, then let her progress. If you hurry her it might just drive her away.

[Levy2k6]

Let her learn to trust you a bit more. If a girl had a bad history with boyfriends, then let her progress. If you hurry her it might just drive her away.

i'd go with basically that..

just let her go through it but just keep doing what you can and be like.. that great boyfriend. even tho it's hard for you two...

me and my gf just got back together.. we were together for 6 months and i guess i sorta messsed up.. but we got back together now...well we broke up for 3 months, and then she went out with some younger guy than her and got dumped like 2-3 days later so yeah.. i think she learned a lesson or something but yeah..

now i'm just really trying to be her better boyfriend and i'm making sure she's trusting me and stuff... i don't want to go through a stupid breakup again...


(we broke up originally because she didn't want a boyfriend and focus on "school" or... i got boring.. lol)

[*mipadi*]

I can certainly respect a person who takes things easy and doesn't rush into things. If everything else is good in the relationship, just let it go; the "in love" part will come with time.

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

Me and my boyfriend play that game too, we call it Question Me [/end random]

Well; I don't think you should really be mad at her. After all, she has a bad experience with her past boyfriends. It could be that you guys don't see each other, that might make her feel that way. But, I think what you should do is get her to trust you more. Don't pressure her to do or say anything she doesn't want to do, (even if it may tick you off a bit.) good luck with it I hope it works out.

[angelrevelation]

i don't think you should really get mad at her... she just has trust issues, which is understandable if she has a history. just take things slowly. i don't think there's really anything about that to discourage the relationship, at this point anyway

[nightowl89]

I think shes being honest with you and this was her way of letting you know she feels a bit insecure. Where is ur college compared to her hs? ur suddenly at a completely different stage of your life and well, thats scary. Really scary, since she hasn't really had the college experience yet either. I would know, my crush went off to college and i thought he would immediately hook up with eveyr girl and meet a gf right away...crazy but thats what i honestly thought at the time. Why don't you go suprise visit her or do something that lets her know that she is really special to you?

[Robyn Leigh]

I understand that distance is difficult. I've been in a similar situation. But you can't get yourself angry if she isn't sure she's in love yet. Everyone's feelings are different, and you may feel in love even if she doesn't. Give her some time. She's obviously been with you for this long, so she does care about you. Don't question your feelings. You've made it this far, so don't let that go.

[SSJ Kenshin]

I think shes being honest with you and this was her way of letting you know she feels a bit insecure. Where is ur college compared to her hs? ur suddenly at a completely different stage of your life and well, thats scary. Really scary, since she hasn't really had the college experience yet either. I would know, my crush went off to college and i thought he would immediately hook up with eveyr girl and meet a gf right away...crazy but thats what i honestly thought at the time. Why don't you go suprise visit her or do something that lets her know that she is really special to you?

My school is all of ten minutes away from the high school. Same city. I visit at least once every two weeks.

Maybe I should do something special for her...

[*Blow_Don't_SUCK*]

^Doing something special is always nice but don't pressure her because you want her to be in love with you. If you really cared for her you would be patient and considerate.

[lit0chinagirl]

sure, it hurts a little knowing that your girl of one year plus doesn't fully trust you yet but it's perfectly normally. it burns to constantly go through relationships with guys that let her down. she's only doing what her own instincts and heart are telling her to do: to watch out for herself so that she doesn't end up hurt again. after something like that happens a few times, it has a lasting affect on their future relationships and perpectives. like you said, that game improved your relationship with her. as some more time passes by, you'll hopefully be more trustworthy in her mind unless you somehow prove otherwise...

don't let it affect you so much-- just remember to treat her good to keep that trust but if it really bothers you then calmly discuss it with her.

[ChEeR A HOliC Xo]

Take your time to show her that your not like her past bf's. If you stick around, and try to do little thing's for her, she will slowly notice that. Good luck with everything, sorry i'm not much help!

[elaboratedream]

dont take it too personally, some people have a thing with "i love you"
some people say it to everyone, even if they arent truly in love.
and some people think that you can only truly love one person... and face it, at her age, who really knows who they want to spend the rest of their life with?

saying that they love someone can be a huge thing to some people...

or maybe she just is having a hard time right now with the relationship. it can be really hard to continue a relationship when one person is in college and the other in highschool. make sure u try to show her how much you care. try doing something special for her or something

[*digital.fragrance*]

Take your time to show her that your not like her past bf's. If you stick around, and try to do little thing's for her, she will slowly notice that. Good luck with everything, sorry i'm not much help!

I'd agree with that one - by over-thinking and over-stressing about your thoughts and feelings and then changing your mind about her would make her think that no man was right for her. If you really did love her, than you should care enough to love her through this difficulty of hers in regards to the relationship. Keep talking to her, and maybe in a little while, do something special for her - but don't rush it after the conversation. Show her how special you are at the right time.

In a case like this, I wouldn't be suprised if she was really in love, but didn't want to admit to it, or was scared to say she was in "love" for the sake of being vulnerable. If you two have been together for well over a year, don't let this get in the way of the relationship.

Patience is a virtue after all, and being patient with her would allow her to release her feelings and discover the love that has been there all along.

Hope that helped...

[oOjenniOo]

huh, thats quite funny cause i feel exactly how that girl feels.

me and my bf have been dating for a little over 5 months (okay so its not as long as your relationship) but lately he's been occupied with his school sport and we never talk on the phone anymore. so since we go to different schools, im hoping when we see eachother we'll be able to catch up/talk instead of doing stuff.

well i brought up that question, "Where do you feel in this relationship?" and we both just kind of told eachother honestly. and i just couldn't help wondering if there was a spark still, was it dead just because it seems like we don't spend time together anymore? i am constantly asking myself if i truly am "in love" or whatever. maybe i just like him a lot, its hard to tell.

do something cute for her to show that you want it to work. honestly, if my bf did that to me at this point after such a tense, awkward discussion of trust, love etc. i would be completely flattered and it might remind me of those first feelings i had for him. cute as in surprise her somewhere, where you know she'll be with a present of some sort. or do something compltely out there that she would definitely expect. surprises are good.

hope it helped. tell me how things went.

*something completely out there that she WON'T expect.

[voguelove]

hmm..well, you guys have been dating for over a year..she should trust you by now. even if she had other boyfriends in the past, tell her that youre different. dont promise youll love her forever or that sort of thing..because couples come and go.