Dealing with Death |
 Jan 21 2006, 09:21 AM
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#1
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 Member  Group: Member Posts: 27 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,680  |
Hey,
I just saw my voice teacher last night and then this morning I got a call saying that her husband had died at 1:00 AM. It doesn't make any sense> He was perfectly healthy. He was out getting something to eat while I was having my lesson last night. I really want to say something or do something to help because she is my favorite teacher and one of my favorite people but I don't even know what I should do or say. How do you help someone you love when someone they loved is dead? Any suggestions are appreciated. |
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| *Blow_Don't_SUCK* |
Jan 21 2006, 09:50 AM
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#2
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Simply be there for the person. A shoulder to cry on. If she wants to have privacy, (in most cases) let her have it. Just simply be there to make her feel wanted or not alone. One day, she'll get back on her life and you helping her go there is already enough.
//edit by the way, this should be moved to relationships. |
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| *mzkandi* |
Jan 21 2006, 10:48 AM
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#3
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Moved to Relationships
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Jan 21 2006, 10:55 AM
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#4
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 naïvety Group: Human Posts: 1,303 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 488 |
Like ^x2 said, be there but don't nag her.
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Jan 21 2006, 11:23 AM
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#5
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 I love Havasupai Group: Member Posts: 1,040 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 163,878 |
Sending a sympathy card with a note from you would be an appropriate gesture.
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Jan 21 2006, 11:50 AM
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#6
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 Bay Area YadadaDiiiig. Group: Official Member Posts: 4,249 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 103,202 |
QUOTE(illumineering @ Jan 21 2006, 9:23 AM) Sending a sympathy card with a note from you would be an appropriate gesture.  Yes. Send her a card, and write her a personal note. |
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| *Zatanna* |
Jan 21 2006, 12:04 PM
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#7
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A few years back, my then assistant's husband died. She was off work for a while so there was that space. When she came back however, EVERYONE kept telling her that "God has a way" and "she'll be ok." Stuff like that. She hated it. Later she told me how much she appreciated the fact that I would listen, but didn't pursue her grief. You're in a teacher/student relationship so the dynamic is different. Still, be there for her because she is in a lot of pain right now. A card is a nice gesture, but don't ask, "are you ok?" because she isn't, and will not be for a while.
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Jan 21 2006, 12:26 PM
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#8
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 Band Geek. Group: Member Posts: 366 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 341,494 |
I think the sympathy card idea is a good one. Write her a letter in it, that will surely help her.
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| *Blow_Don't_SUCK* |
Jan 21 2006, 06:19 PM
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#9
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QUOTE(Zatanna @ Jan 21 2006, 1:04 PM) A few years back, my then assistant's husband died. She was off work for a while so there was that space. When she came back however, EVERYONE kept telling her that "God has a way" and "she'll be ok." Stuff like that. She hated it. Later she told me how much she appreciated the fact that I would listen, but didn't pursue her grief. You're in a teacher/student relationship so the dynamic is different. Still, be there for her because she is in a lot of pain right now. A card is a nice gesture, but don't ask, "are you ok?" because she isn't, and will not be for a while. I kinda agree about how the "God has a way" being annoying. When my friend's boyfriend died, she hated how everyone kept mentioning it was God's will or God had a way and she would get so frustrated she would scream, "WHAT THE HELL DOES GOD HAVE TO DO WITH THIS? HE WASN'T IN THE RELATIONSHIP SO HE SHOULD STAY OUT OF OUR BUSINESS!" yeah.... |
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Jan 23 2006, 03:06 PM
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#10
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 75 Joined: May 2005 Member No: 136,927 |
see if you can go to the wake/funeral/anything of that sort. seeing a friendly face that you know cares.... is very warming. i sure felt a lot better when i saw all these people at my grandma's wake
...even my dentist came! |
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Jan 24 2006, 05:03 PM
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#11
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Member Group: Member Posts: 27 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 130,680 |
Thank you all for the advice. I actually went to visit her yesterday. She's not good, but she seemed happy to see me. She even said, "You're like a daughter to me."
I'm going to the memorial service on Friday. Also, I did NOT say anything like "It's God's will." I don't think anyone likes to hear it at first, in fact, I think they have to think of it on their own for it to be comforting. I believe in God and so does she but still, you're probably right about it being a bad idea. |
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Jan 24 2006, 10:00 PM
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#12
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 Blasian, Asian, INVASION! Group: Official Member Posts: 4,288 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,769 |
people die, its a part of life.
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Jan 24 2006, 10:44 PM
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#13
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 Newbie Group: Member Posts: 3 Joined: Jan 2006 Member No: 359,440 |
Well do what everyone else said to do. But be careful at what you say. Anything Big that will remind her of him will make it alot difficult. I hated it when people would say to me the god has a plan for your dad. and then others ( who i called cold and heartless) said it's death it's normal get used to it. I mean I jsut watched my dad die in my living room. I think they have no right to say that to me. they got no clue.
But what your doing a really good thing.. be proud of yourself... |
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| *disco infiltrator* |
Jan 24 2006, 10:48 PM
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#14
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If she looks sad or brings it up, simply say, "I'm sorry". That's really all you can do. It takes time to get over things such as death.
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