Useless girlfriend?, Ever felt like one? Options

[da_SALSA]

Well...okay, my boyfriend and I have been friends for 5 years. Out of that 5 years we've liked each other for 2 years and started going out last year. We went out September '05 and then I broke up with him the next month because I found him cheating on me with 2 other girls. Yeah, that was really something. Then he started going out with one of the girls which was his ex. I got really mad at how fast he "recovered" and so after I got home from a party, I called him and asked him if everything was just a game. Afterwards, we got to talking and he cried on the phone. Anyway, after a few days of him still going out with his ex and him still calling me--I got sick of it. I told him, if he still liked me why he was still going out w/ his ex. And so, he broke up with her...and he and I were okay. Not going out yet, but we just talked like we always do. Then one day he asked me out. I said yes. We were really happy because his ex was "okay" with it and was going out w/ someone else. After a week...she started up again. She called their house, his cell, and followed him around. So we talked and we both broke up. By this time, I forgave him w/ the whole cheating thing because I also did something terrible to him--I cut off all connections to him over the summer and I guess...I led him on.

Anyway, I was heartbroken once again. But we still talked. Still flirted. Then his ex started becoming crazy. LITERALLY. When he and I would hang out, she would go nuts. She would try to kill herself. Cry in public. Spread all this crazy lies in school about me, and a lie that they had sex so many times. Anyway, at one point she ran to the highway because he didn't want to hang out w/ her and wanted to watch a different movie with his friends. So anyway, fast foward...I told her off one day and that finally made her realize that I dislike her. After telling her off, he told her that he doesn't care about what she does. After a few fays he asked me out again...around December. So we were happy because well, we finally told her off and she stayed away.

So everything was going GREAT. Had a great Christmas and New Year...that is on the 2nd of January when we went out on a date to go to the movies, his crazy ex stalked us out! She followed us and ran after us! Afterwards, she wouldn't stop calling my cellphone so I got it taken up. She also kept on calling him and asking everyone where he was. So he got his cell taken up, too. His mom doesn't like his ex for harassing them (she sent a text message to his mom calling her a b_tch--which really made me mad because that lady is sweet!) and so now he might have to take counciling. They're going to (most probably) get a restraining order so that his ex will stay away.

So...the point...I know exactly what's going on. But, he won't let me help. I mean I'm involved in it, too! His ex won't leave me alone in school or out of school. I mean, I fight back. But, what I really want is him to open up. I do know what he's going through, but I wish he can tell me what's wrong with him besides saying, "You know what's wrong." The past few days, it's as if we aren't going out. When we see each other...it's like WTF happened? I try to lighten up everything and it isn't working. I'm getting tired of the same crap happening (his ex has been doing this the moment we started to re-like each other again...that's April 05!). Every time his crazy ex pulls a stalking trick, there's this HUGE gap that comes between us. I dislike his ex for doing this to him. I wish he can know somehow that, he isn't the only one suffering. That I am too, and girls, you know how cat fights are when they aren't physical. It's pretty darn frustrating. I really want to slap her, but seeing as that I go to a strict Christian school and I'm in a scholarship...I don't wanna lose that.

But, anyway, what should I do? Should I just let it play out? Give him space? 'cuz I feel really feel useless. Because before being his girlfriend, I'm also his bestfriend...so it's a bit frustrating.

[Hiphop d[-_-]b]

Well, a crazed ex girlfriend is stalking him. I dont think hes really thinking about much else.

Just let him have some space. Let him think about what hes doing. I could understand why he would be focusing less on you, and letting a gap enter your relationship. Just let him know youre there for him, let him knmow youre always there no matter what.

And about his crazed ex. Well. Just get that restraining order. Shes crasy. (:

[_sarcastic_]

yeah they should really get a restraining order on that girl, she's becoming a stalker.
you should give him a little space, let him recover first, jsut be there when he needs you. don't let his ex tear the both of you apart again though.

[creamyxlicious]

I say let him know you're there for him,
and you want to be a part/help him out too.

Try to get a serious talk with the guy and find
a solution that works for both of you..

Don't let the guy play that brick wall act on you,
if you guys are best friends he should be able to discuss this with you.

[Chii]

go to the police. my god, this girl has been freaking out about you two for a long time, you have to do something about sh*t like this. the cops will give you a temporary order of protection shortly after you report her because you need to file a police report before you can pursue a restraining order.

just be there for him, don't trash her and be all "she's such a b*tch" because that's not really going to help. just don't let someone rip you two apart. that's all he seems to want, just to be with you.

[xmorningstar7x]

go to the police. my god, this girl has been freaking out about you two for a long time, you have to do something about sh*t like this. the cops will give you a temporary order of protection shortly after you report her because you need to file a police report before you can pursue a restraining order.

just be there for him, don't trash her and be all "she's such a b*tch" because that's not really going to help. just don't let someone rip you two apart. that's all he seems to want, just to be with you.

I completely agree. Calling her names and playing her little game will end up making things worse. Guys aren't very good at letting out their feeling. (I have to pry them out of my bf sometimes too) But always let him know that no matter what you still care, and that you're willing to be there for him no matter what she does to either of you. Sometimes that all guys really need. And maybe if you let him know that, he will open up to you.

But make sure to get that restraining order before it escalates to something worse than what she's been doing.

[da_SALSA]

Okay thanks, and now that his ex has been blocked from him--and I have given him the space. But, now it feels as if he is ignoring me. Today I was the one who initiated all the conversation, but he just wouldn't try. Plus, he doesn't sit by me or wait for me like he used to. I swear, that every time this happens...

And I've talked about it with him. This afternoon, I got so mad that I actually started poking him and telling him off. I told him that I felt ignored and if I was being jealous, it doesn't matter. I also told him that I especially feel ignored whenever she (his ex) is around. Then I stomped off, because I seriously thought I was going to slap some sense into him.

Ugh...sometimes I want to give up on him, but then having to go through everything and just give up now...that sucks.

[x3Unreachable3x]

go to the police. my god, this girl has been freaking out about you two for a long time, you have to do something about sh*t like this. the cops will give you a temporary order of protection shortly after you report her because you need to file a police report before you can pursue a restraining order.

just be there for him, don't trash her and be all "she's such a b*tch" because that's not really going to help. just don't let someone rip you two apart. that's all he seems to want, just to be with you.

I really agree. Give him his space, but also let him know that you're there for him. And he might be seperating from you to protect you. Obviously the girls crazy, and who knows what she would do. Maybe that's what he's thinking, and he wants to protect you from her doing anything to you.

-Edit-

Heh, I just saw you added another thing. Oops. Anyway, maybe it could still be the fact of what I said. Whenever she's around, he feels that he has to protect you. But you should just tell him. Get alone with him, and be civil about it. Just sit down and spill. Don't yell or anything, just tell him how you feel, and see what he has to say. Good luck

[Ington]

If you don't do something about her, this will not only accelerate into more problems. Serious problems. Problems that can result in bloodshed and possibly death. I strongly suggest you go to her mom with your boyfriend and <b><i>calmly</i></b> explain to her that if the ex doesn't stop, you two will go to the police. If she freaks out on you, go to the police.

[illumineering]

Whoah! You're still dating a guy that has cheated on you with at least TWO other girls? If you're still in that kind of a relationship, what is it that you're not getting? AND with all the other drama on top if it, you continue to involve youself in this cycle of increasing problems. What do you honestly think you're going to help him with? You're behavior is as codependent as his is.

I'm still shocked at the fact you call someone a best friend who cheats on you.

[FoxBandCutie08]

Wow. Either you're not very smart for still going out with him after he cheated on you and you're putting up with all this, or you truly truly like him.

Well, you need to get a restraining order for both of you. Seriously, this girl sounds like she will stop at nothing to get back at you guys.

I've felt like that too, it's hard for my boyfriend to open up and tell me what's wrong also. Just let him know that you are both going through the same thing, and it might help to talk to someone in the same position, such as you.