My Catch-22, read up Options

[fameONE]

It isn't often that I post anything pertaining to my relationships online, other than poking fun at my exes. And it certainly isn't often that I ask anyone for their input. However, I'm havign a hard time truly understanding females right now.

Here's the issue...

My style, my swagger, my charm (if you may) all send signs to women that I am a 'sexual deviant' of sorts. From the most innocent bookworms to 35 year old women; they all seem to think I'm all about sowing my oats. Everything changes when I wont' go past flirting and then it dawns on these women that I actually want something substantial. As soon as they learn this, they're ghost.

So, I find myself sometimes sleeping with women just to satisfy them. And no matter how good or bad it is, I'm still left with a feeling of utter disappointment because I'm longing for something that feels so out of reach. Is it so much to ask to find an intelligent, compassionate and well roudned woman that I can relate to and trust? I guess so.

Input.

[*digital.fragrance*]

Definitely not. There are women out there that are what you want. You just have to find them in the right places - churches are great places to look. I'm part of one and I know that most women in them don't live for sex like you'retalking about. Watch how they dress. If it's modest, they usually don't spring for sex, but substance. Hope that helped.

[fameONE]

Definitely not.  There are women out there that are what you want.  You just have to find them in the right places - churches are great places to look.  I'm part of one and I know that most women in them don't live for sex like you'retalking about.  Watch how they dress.  If it's modest, they usually don't spring for sex, but substance.  Hope that helped.

I'm a Buddhist. I've met some the kinkiest women when I was a Christian. However, I see where you're going.

[*Zatanna*]

I wish I could answer all of your questions. But I'm the last person in the world that should be offering any type of advice or input as it relates to relationships.

(I have the opposite issue - guys don't generally approach me because they think I'm too cerebral and intense).

Try volunteering in the community. The women there will more than likely be genuine. =) Bookstores are great as well. Depending on personality, it might not be a bad place to meet someone.

[fameONE]

I wish I could answer all of your questions.  But I'm the last person in the world that should be offering any type of advice or input as it relates to relationships. 

(I have the opposite issue - guys don't generally approach me because they think I'm too cerebral and intense).

Try volunteering in the community.  The women there will more than likely be genuine. =)  Bookstores are great as well.  Depending on personality, it might not be a bad place to meet someone.

I met a woman while volunteering for the Hurricane Katrina Relief and I meet women at Barnes & Noble on a weekly basis. With other guys, they may be sensible and down to earth, but with me; all that changes.

[xTINAA]

Brandon my dear, that's why you must come to Colorado. I'm all you'll need. Haha :]

But really, I'm not sure why that is but like someone said before, I shouldn't be the one giving out relationship advice. Right now I'm having a pretty hard time finding a guy in the first place.

[fameONE]

Brandon my dear, that's why you must come to Colorado. I'm all you'll need. Haha :]

But really, I'm not sure why that is but like someone said before, I shouldn't be the one giving out relationship advice. Right now I'm having a pretty hard time finding a guy in the first place.

Colorado doesn't have good weather for motorcycles. I say we move to SoCal. We'd make each other very happy.

[xTINAA]

Haha, one day :]

Yes, I'm pretty sure we'd make each other very happy.

[PO0PO0x3]

I think the maybe the person thats really meant to be with you just didn't come yet? To me i dont think you should just og out there and look for a girl you like you should be yourself and do what you like to do except looking for the one you love. somebodies gonna come. she'll come sooner or later. you'll soon notice a girl that likes you for who you are and not what you can do and giver her.

[vash1530]

dude, ur ordering a bigmac at mcdonalds. with tha game ur playin its highly unlikely that youll find tha girl ur lookin for. try to change ur game up and see what happens. (tell u tha truth, i dont see yours as a compromising situation at all.)

[fameONE]

dude, ur ordering a bigmac at mcdonalds. with tha game ur playin its highly unlikely that youll find tha girl ur lookin for. try to change ur game up and see what happens. (tell u tha truth, i dont see yours as a compromising situation at all.)

Perfect example...
I met a a grad student on campus and sje thought I was running game by taking the 'honest approach.' She "falls" for it, but when she realized I truly was being honest, she told me that she wasn't ready for anything serious.

If I didn't have a conscience, I'd plant my seed on the backs of attractive women all across the city.

[vash1530]

well icant really think of much else. how do you presen yourself. 1st impressions may be bitin u on ur ass.

[*not_your_average*]

brandon, there are genuine, honest women out there. like vash said, it's the way you present yourself.

My style, my swagger, my charm (if you may) all send signs to women that I am a 'sexual deviant' of sorts.

that's just it. i think you need to take a break from women for a while. relax, and just let yourself be single for a while.

[MFDOOM]

Eat the Hoe Cakes.
MM...Food.

They are opportunities. Thou art young. Carpe Diem!

[sharpandcuddly]

So here's what I think would work (on me atleast):
Be yourself. If you meet a girl you're attracted to, introduce yourself. If she seems hesitant, move on.
If you find one who's friendly enough to talk, tell her a little about yourself. If she seems interested, tell her you'd like to get to know her more and swap numbers.
Eventually you'll end up friends and maybe more.

[Comptine]

i'm sorry. the way you wrote it was just too cute and funny.

i would think that girls would be put off by your confidence. over confidence in one's sex appeal often means that person isn't serious at all about any relationship. maybe sometimes you did meet a potential girlfriend but they saw you as a player and just used you as one.

i suggest you talk to your girl friends and ask if they think any of their other girl friends is a good match for you. you know, sort of a friend of a friend thing. that way your friend helps mediate a bit in the relationship, giving them a different first impression than you would give yourself.

if all else fails, you got tons of CB girls willing to be your other half.

[fameONE]

So here's what I think would work (on me atleast):
Be yourself.  If you meet a girl you're attracted to, introduce yourself.  If she seems hesitant, move on.
If you find one who's friendly enough to talk, tell her a little about yourself.  If she seems interested, tell her you'd like to get to know her more and swap numbers.
Eventually you'll end up friends and maybe more.

Meeting girls isn't a problem. The issue arises when I let them know that I am serious. I've ehard some crazy shit too...

"All I wanted was some d**k."
"You're sexy and all, but I just want to hook up."
"I never saw you as the relationship type, I was just curious about how good in bed you are."
"So if I go black, will I not go back?"

Yeeeeah

[*Programmer*]

welcome to my life brandon...on finding a girl that wants me...for more then just "sex" im still trying to figure out that question to this day... if you find an awnser let me know...

[*mipadi*]

You work all your life to build up a reputation...and then it just bites you in the ass.

[sharpandcuddly]

so IF you go black will you go back?
rofl just kidding.

friends first, then relationship. that's all i can think of. if she's your friend then she wont think you just want her for sex..or vis versa.

[fameONE]

You work all your life to build up a reputation...and then it just bites you in the ass.

Don't be mistakened, I'm hardly as forthright and cocky in person. This just seems to come out of my online because its so impersonal. Almost as if I fail to acknowledge that a screenname has feelings. In every social circle that I happen to be a part of, I'm known for something different; my reputation differs.

High School: The Don
College: The smart black guy that dresses like KanYe West (um, ok).
Clubs: DJ/bboy
Motorcycle Crew: The businessman
Friends: Brandon

[*Azarel*]

so IF you go black will you go back?
rofl just kidding.

friends first, then relationship.  that's all i can think of.  if she's your friend then she wont think you just want her for sex..or vis versa.

The only thing I have to say is... ever heard of the term "fuck buddies"?

[fameONE]

The only thing I have to say is... ever heard of the term "fuck buddies"?

Yea, but it enver really works out. I'm not that type to become emotionally dependent because I truly believe I need no one but myself to attain happiness and enlightenment. However, I wouldn't want to hurt a woman if she gets attached. I'd feel horrible.

[*mipadi*]

So if you are not emotionally dependent on anyone, and you don't need anyone else to achieve happiness or enlightenment, why exactly are you looking for a "real" relationship anyway?

[Mikael]

theres a right person for everyone, till then, i would not be complaining about getting with all these women meanwhile.

[fameONE]

So if you are not emotionally dependent on anyone, and you don't need anyone else to achieve happiness or enlightenment, why exactly are you looking for a "real" relationship anyway?

I date to find a wife.

[*Azarel*]

Yea, but it enver really works out. I'm not that type to become emotionally dependent because I truly believe I need no one but myself to attain happiness and enlightenment. However, I wouldn't want to hurt a woman if she gets attached. I'd feel horrible.

Oh, Brandon, that was by no means my advice to try to counter your problem; it was just my response to her comment about friends not wanting sex from each other.

In any case, I suck at giving relationship advice, but I might as well give it a stab since I'm already babbling. First off, I don't blame you for wanting an actual substantial relationship, and I'm sorry that the women you date don't want that.

But I personally don't think that's it you that the women are writing off, it's the fact that you want commitment. I mean, most guys your age are neither ready nor looking for it, and they seemingly just want some booty--at least that's what the stereotype is.

Just by reading your posts on the forums already tells me that your personality is every bit as attractive as your physical appearance, but the women who see you don't see past the combination of your age, your attractiveness, and the stereotype so they go for you without seeking anything deeper.

Obviously, you already know that the problem isn't you, so there isn't any real way you can remedy it. I don't know well this would work, but you never know until you give it a try: upon first meeting women who seem interested, let them know your intentions. If you find someone who doesn't just want the sex, they might be a little put off by such straightforwardness—but if they're genuine and intelligent (I know you want the smarts), I'm pretty sure they'll understand when you explain your situation. If you want to, that is.

Or you could always use some online dating service where you can let people know your intentions and then meet up to go out and such. And of course, if all else fails, there's always the underage createBlog community where more than half of the chicks would be willing to have your children. :P Sorry I couldn't be of much help.

theres a right person for everyone, till then, i would not be complaining about getting with all these women meanwhile.

And it's really not that easy.. Somewhere along the line, you get tired of the bullshit, and it'd be nice to settle down with someone you love. I don't really know how to explain it.

... k, I'm done rambling. I am not eloquent (D:), but I swear I'm good at listening.

[FoxBandCutie08]

Wow. That's very interesting, maybe you should consider what you say around these women that might make them think that about you. Maybe you should keep to a conversation away from physical and sexual things until that time is appropriate. Just be very honest with them.

[*mipadi*]

I date to find a wife.

I refer you back to my original question.

[fameONE]

I refer you back to my original question.

Because I'd like to get married and find the woman I can trust with my life. I'd like to procreate and have a family.

Now that this problem is solved, there's no need to receive anymore advice (but thank you to all [especially you and Anna]), so if possible; close this thread.

[*mipadi*]

Ah, very good.

Well, if you know where you're headed, it might help you figure out how to get there.

[*mona lisa*]

Now that this problem is solved, there's no need to receive anymore advice (but thank you to all [especially you and Anna]), so if possible; close this thread.

Topic closed.