too soon ?, sex .. Options

[crazi_in_love_08]

ok .. well ive known this guy for about a year .. and we were soo close from the day we've met .. we just started dating like a month ago .. lately ive been thinkin about sex alot .. ( yes im still a virgin) ..before i never really thought about it .. do u think its too soon to have sex? i tried talkin to my best friend .. her and her boyfriend recently broke up .. but i cant talk to her about anything cuz she always talks about her ex .. this is what she told me

HER: ull have sex...and then h e'll break up wit ur ass adn ull wanna kill urself...if u wanna be like me ... go have sex go for it..
HER: look at how i am now ....its pretty shyty rite?
HER: well thats wat one year fo being in love can do to u .... if i wouldnt of had sex it wouldnt be AS bad as it is now...
HER: so ur choice.... knowin u guys wont be together forever...even tho u would love to... u wont... would u do this to urself

..with my past relationships.. i never even thought about having sex with them or being with them forever .. but this ons is different .. we were talkin the other day and he said as soon as im out of highschool (im 16) we are gettin an appartment and all this stuff .. he has everything planned out .. and yesterday he was talkin to my mom while i was in the shower and he told her that he really loves me and wants to be with me forever and all this stuff ...and he was talkin about everything with her .. can u please give me your opinion?

[_sarcastic_]

^agreed. you are only 16, plenty of time, save it for someone special.
your best friend might be right you know, having sex isn't the only way you show you love him. that's what happened to me, my bf and i thought of getting an apartment as soon as i get out of highschool, but now...we're fighting every chance we have.
you guys have only been dating for a couple of months? why not wait for awhile and see where your relationship is heading.

[*mipadi*]

I think teenagers rush into sexual intercourse too fast. Sex should mean something; I feel that a lot of relationships in high school, no matter how "real" they seem, are not solid enough to warrant sex. At that age, you should be dating to get a feel for what you like, develop solid relationship skills, and so forth. Jumping into a sexual relationship makes a relationship suddenly much more serious, and then it becomes too much of a burden, and can often hinder development. Furthermore, as noted, there are a lot of problems (sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy) associated with sex, aside from the mental/emotional issues.

And not to be a killjoy, but just because someone says that he is thinking about your future together, that you're "going to get an apartment together," doesn't mean much at such an early age. Trust me--relationships of all types (family, friends, romantic) change a lot once the parties reach college-age.

To be honest, sexual intercourse isn't something I'd rush into lightly. And besides...there's always alternative methods in this department.

[chococat15]

I think teenagers rush into sexual intercourse too fast. Sex should mean something; I feel that a lot of relationships in high school, no matter how "real" they seem, are not solid enough to warrant sex. At that age, you should be dating to get a feel for what you like, develop solid relationship skills, and so forth. Jumping into a sexual relationship makes a relationship suddenly much more serious, and then it becomes too much of a burden, and can often hinder development. Furthermore, as noted, there are a lot of problems (sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy) associated with sex, aside from the mental/emotional issues.

And not to be a killjoy, but just because someone says that he is thinking about your future together, that you're "going to get an apartment together," doesn't mean much at such an early age. Trust me--relationships of all types (family, friends, romantic) change a lot once the parties reach college-age.

To be honest, sexual intercourse isn't something I'd rush into lightly. And besides...there's always alternative methods in this department.

i agree...so many teenagers nowadays are getting pregnant and having sex at WAY too young an age...and they can't support themselves or their child. i had a neighbor who got pregnant and she had to drop out of high school and work at subway. her boyfriend left her. and she had to live with her parents, who were understanding, and took care of her 2 children. don't have sex...it could turn disastrous. wait until after high school or maybe college....i don't kno.

[technicolour]

If you're questioning it now, just imagine how much you'll be questioning yourself the morning after.

If you're questioning yourself now, then, really you aren't ready.

[Ilaem]

Well, i lost mine when i was 13

But i really wish i had waited

[chococat15]

^ 13?!

[sadolakced acid]

any doubt is doubt enough.

i say, save it for someone special. if you really think he's the one, then sure.

but also remember, as a general guideline, if you're not ready for a baby, you're not ready for sex.

[SimplicityGirl]

I think that most teens rush into the whole sex thing. I know a couple who's had sex after 6 months of dating...even though they're still together and are happy, I still wouldn't say that was the wisest thing for them to do. They were only 16. 16 is still too young an age to be involved sexually with members of the opposite gender. There's still the rest of your life for that. And really, would you waste it on a guy that won't mean anything to you in your future, or would you save it for a guy that would become an important part of your life in the future? Think about it. The choice is yours. Also, if you're questioning yourself if you should even have sex, it's obvious that you're just not ready for it.

[wishonthestars]

toooooooo young. im only 14, but i don't plan on having sex until im over 18 and absoluetly sure i love the man. im not trying to be rude at all - but anyone having sex before 18 sounds a bit slutty to me. but hey - its just my opinion. you could risk so many things. it only takes one time to get pregnant and you could screw up your life so horribly. even if you use a condom - you could misuse it and end up with a baby. i say - wait a couple more years and see if you two are still together.
i dont know your family - but my mom would beat my behind if i had sex at that age. it's possible your parents think the same. be careful

[Rachel]

any doubt is doubt enough.

i say, save it for someone special.  if you really think he's the one, then sure.

but also remember, as a general guideline, if you're not ready for a baby, you're not ready for sex.

While I agree with most of that, the last statement kind of irked me.

I am not ready for a child, but I am ready for sex..well I am having sex but still. If you are safe (ie birth control AND condoms each time) and are monogamous, I don't see why you wouldn't be ready for sex.

Meh, whatever back on topic.

Save it for when you feel ready. Don't fall for the future talk.

[*krnxswat*]

toooooooo young. im only 14, but i don't plan on having sex until im over 18 and absoluetly sure i love the man.

Sigh. That's what they all say.

[lilliannnn]

I think about sex alllllllll the time. I believe I'm physically ready to have sex with my boyfriend, but not mentally/emotionally.

I say that if you know the risks, if you're ready PHSYICALLY, MENTALLY, AND EMOTIONALLY, go for it. If not, don't.

[pinayprincess]

OHH C'MON! you only speny a month with him! thats too early!... people may seem like they know the person [they are going out with] but they dont, take some time get to know him more & more.. b/c ur friend is right, you dont know him well enough if hes gonna do that shit to you

[shawty_redd]

save it hunny

[mzbbc]

well i think 16 is not too young to be having sex, so that's not really the issue to me. it's just like... wait until you've been with him for a little while. he'll be saying anything to have sex with you, so i don't think the apartment thing is anything you should be going off of. the longer you wait with him, the more it'll be worth it.

[sadolakced acid]

While I agree with most of that, the last statement kind of irked me.

I am not ready for a child, but I am ready for sex..well I am having sex but still. If you are safe (ie birth control AND condoms each time) and are monogamous, I don't see why you wouldn't be ready for sex.

Meh, whatever back on topic.

Save it for when you feel ready. Don't fall for the future talk.

well, well, i said it was a general guideline.

of course, i'm pretty sure i'm going to break it sooner or later, but it is something to consider.

[flaymzofice]

Similar to the whole 'love' thing, I don't think one can put an age limit on sex. However, there is a reason the law states sex under 16 is a triable offence (in the UK anyway). The law does not believe individuals younger than this are mentally able to make the 'right' decision. On the other hand, it's all about pragmatism. If you think you're ready, go for it. Everyone has ideals when they're 12 regarding the situation, age etc but when it comes to it, if you think it's right, what's anyone else's opinion going to matter? At the end of the day, it's your life, not theirs. They have as little right to criticise as they do to encourage. Personally, I believe it's about whether or not you'll regret later.

[shortiiex]

your relationship is just full of lust
just take it slowly..until you feel love and 100% TRUST

[Justingamemaster]

oh yeah, and this is quite dumb if you ask me.

[lit0chinagirl]

yes, like everyone else, i think you're too young to be having sex right now. i'm just about your age and i can't imagine losing my virginity at all until i'm at least in college or maybe even later. there are so many people around me who aren't virgins anymore and when i look at them, i just cant believe the truth. many people who have already lost it just continue to have sex with whoever after they think they find "the one"-- once things end with "the one" and i think they basically just have sex again because they don't see the point after already losing it. kind of like a rebound sort of thing, i suppose. people these days are always saying how they're "in love" and not realize that it was just mere attraction/lust that kept them together or whatever. even though you have known him for a long time already, i think that you should wait until you've been with him awhile so that you know what he's all about when he's IN a relationship with you and NOT a friendship. although your friend is heartbroken, what she says does make sense. she's a living example of what you may or may not become-- are you willing to take that risk? so please do yourself a favor and wait.

[mouse_3k]

In your username you have "08", and I'm guessing that's your graduation year. That's also my graduation year.

ur too young. But I mean you did love him for a year so go ahead as long as ur ready for the consequences (being called a slut at school cause of ur age, pregnancy, STDs, etc). w/e, its ur choice. As long as hes not like 18 years old and a pedaphyle.

[babygurl_xtacy]

You can't trust anyone only after a month

[whomps]

Well, i lost mine when i was 13

But i really wish i had waited

I wouldn't.. consider that.. something.. to be proud of.

Toooooooooooooo early.

[xTINAA]

If you even have to ask, then YES it's too soon.

You need to be sure of your decision and obviously you can't even make one. That right there should indicate what you should do.

[cuul_gurl]

16 is too early..like most of them say...i'm 21 and still a virgin..and i can wait till i'm married thank u very much!!
Dnt ruch into such things..its a lot of risk..be careful..

[vash1530]

i dont think this agree with the emphasis on teen abstinence tht many other ppl in this thread have. implying that ur my age bcuz of ur username, o think this is a good time to expirement with sex, especially if since ur in a relationship with ur prefered partner. make sure ur ready for it tho. many ppl are very emotional abt losing their virginity but personally i think its gassed up a little. if you use protection and you like the guy, do what you think is right.

[s_parker_luver]

it shows that u have doubt if u asked this question. don't do it if u have any doubt. only do it when you're sure that you're COMPLETELY ready for it and can take the consequences.

[NgocQuyen]

sometimes...you can learn from other people's mistakes...so therefore you wont have to make them yourself. isnt that just great? lols if i were you i would seriously consider what your friend is saying. i mean maybe it might be hard to hear and you might get tired of it...but....you should really think about it..learn from it so you wont make the same mistake. i honestly think that you're too young and you should wait..and you've only known him for a year anyways and you've only been going for a month or so.....i mean.....what makes you think he WONT leave you after you give yourself to him? don't you think thats a pretty big risk you're making for someone you've only known for one year? you may think one year is a long time...but one year is nothing...that's just my opinion

[FoxBandCutie08]

If you think you're mature enough to handle the complicated emotions, stress, and risks that come with having sex, then I would say, go for it, if it isn't against your religious beliefs. Keep in mind, when you guys break up it will be very hard because of the physical connection you shared, and you will probably regret it when you guys break up. Also, realize even the best birth control isn't completely safe, and you should take extra precautions to make sure you don't end up getting pregnant if you do decide to go through with it. You're taking some very serious risks with having sex, it's a good idea to talk with your partner about how to handle things properly beforehand, so everything's safe.

[rueyaroo]

if you want my opinon..this may sound a little bit harsh..but..i think you should wait until you finish college..i mean what are the chances of getting married with the same guy youre with now......... you dont want to risk your future over some guy..

[omgah_itsmaggiex]

well, my perspective of it is like this;;if youre really thinking about whether or not you want to lose your virginity to him, then youre not ready. youre obviously a little confused and kinda scared/nervous. if you have these feelings, then i dont think youre ready. plus, youre graduating in 08, the same as me. do you really want to lose your virginity to someone at the age of 15/16? im sure youve heard of break up stories where the girl wished she never had sex with him after they broke up, saying it wasnt worth it. there will be plenty of other chances to meet other great guys, just think it through real well before you do something you regret. =]

[sin_lagrimas]

well with sex..now a days age isnt much of a barrier...ive known 14 year olds to do it..as long as you know how to protect yourself and know wat ur doin and who ur doing it with i guess its fine..but honestly..you have only been with him a month..after a month with my boyfriend i had the same thoughts in my head as u do..you grew this strong connection and trust towards him that your willin to go the next level..but i suggest you take your time..youve waited 16 years before having sex..you can take more time..and if he truely cares about you..he can too...but all of this is up to you..

[xmorningstar7x]

I don't think 16 is toooooo young.

But beware of the person. I've known people who lost it at 16 and ended up getting married with the same guy. (slim chance that ends up happening though) I've known people who lost it at 16, end got dumped right after. So it all depends on the people involved.

However, you've only been with this guy a month. You said you've known him for 1 year, but that was as friends. Relationships are different. My friend went out with her best friend. When they were in the relationship, he was a lot different to her, and ended up breaking up with him after a couple of months. I say if you really want to, wait. I would wait a year, just to be safe, but that's me.

[full:O:beans]

Sigh. That's what they all say.

ya well that's what I said when I was 14 too, and I'm already half way there

[grab-it]

i think that your not ready to.. along with nearly everybody else!
I'm 16 as well, I'm still a virgin.. Sure I think about sex and that, who doesnt? But I'm not guna go and have sex with my boyfriend, even though we've been together for almost a year.
You say you've only been with this guy for over a month?..
Aren't you a little freaked out that he is "so in love with you and wants to be with you forever".. even though you've been friends for a year or whatever you said.. that doesnt necessarily mean.. that because you've been friends it'll be an easier relationship, and since you've known him for that long, that he really knows you, or vice versa.
If your really seriously thinking about having sex with this guy, just think - If something went wrong (condom breakage or whatever), would you be able to handle the consequences?
Having a baby. Contracting an STD for life?
Thats the way i think of it. Until I know that i'll be ok, and i can look after myself and whatever.. there will be no sex.
Maybe you should think about that.
But honestly, if your asking others, your not ready.
It's like asking other people for excuses or something..

[Spec_R]

There is nothing wrong with having sex at a young. What is growing up? To learn new things and how to become an adult, right? Being curious and liking/loving someone is a part of growing up and a part of life.
But keep one thing in mind that once it is lost, then it's gone. Even though a lot of my friends had sex at a young age. But for me, I believe in something that's called love. It have more meanings to lose it to someone you'll spend the rest of your life with. (Just a lil of my opinion, whatever you choose is up to you )

[ParanoidAndroid]

I think teenagers rush into sexual intercourse too fast. Sex should mean something; I feel that a lot of relationships in high school, no matter how "real" they seem, are not solid enough to warrant sex. At that age, you should be dating to get a feel for what you like, develop solid relationship skills, and so forth. Jumping into a sexual relationship makes a relationship suddenly much more serious, and then it becomes too much of a burden, and can often hinder development. Furthermore, as noted, there are a lot of problems (sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy) associated with sex, aside from the mental/emotional issues.

And not to be a killjoy, but just because someone says that he is thinking about your future together, that you're "going to get an apartment together," doesn't mean much at such an early age. Trust me--relationships of all types (family, friends, romantic) change a lot once the parties reach college-age.

To be honest, sexual intercourse isn't something I'd rush into lightly. And besides...there's always alternative methods in this department.

I agree but do you have to put it in big words?

[REBELnDISGUISE]

I think it's too soon. You don't wanna start off to early and be addicted to sex. Then people who'd call you offensive things and thats not a good way to start your life. Trust me, I know.

[177emories]

when your young and a virgin i guess you think sex is this scary and very important thing taht you should KEEP.... guys like virgins! and when your not a virgin anymore they can tell! cause you'll be loose, hope i'm not giving too much detail... do you truely love this person? cause you'll feel bad later on in life that you did it with this guy and you guys broke up and then later you meet the guy you love and you gave it away already i thinkyou'll wnat it for someone you truly love but we never know that when we are so young... but thats only important when your a virgin cause after if you've done it once you wont feel that special anymore cause your not a virgin you can do it with anyone any time whenever blah... just becareful and use protection and wait till your older... you'll regret it later even if you think it is RIGHT at this moment... it really isn't...

i've been with my bf for almost 2 years in feb and obviously i'm not regreting anything and we're much older than you are... 3rd year university (him) first year for me and when you grow up and get older, you will not think so much about doing it... when the moment is right it just happens no thinking involved.

[*mipadi*]

i've been with my bf for almost 2 years in feb and obviously i'm not regreting anything and we're much older than you are... 3rd year university (him) first year for me and when you grow up and get older, you will not think so much about doing it... when the moment is right it just happens no thinking involved.

Whoo, he was robbing the cradle when he picked you up, eh?

[177emories]

i dunno what that means lol

[LexyGirl]

Honestly, if you feel ready.. there's a lot more pressure I think on the whole thing than there needs to be.
At this point in time, If you feel comfortable enough to be with him, then go ahead and be with him. The truth is.. The biggest risk when you have sex is that you both will stop talking and only have interest in one thing.

That being said, there is a very good possibility that you will break up in the future, taht it will be hard, and that life will go on. There is also a chance that won't happen. Regardless. You have an oppurtunity to move forward with someone and learn both about yourself, but also about a new self that comes with being with someone.
If you are ready, you should go for it.
And if you're questioning... you should not.

[criime scene x]

you know what threw me off about this story. the fact that the boy is telling you he wants to get an apartment. .. i think a lot of guys say that to girls because at the moment they feel like they want to be together "forever." .. my boyfriend says that to me, and i'm like "yeah, that sounds good" .. but deep down i know that it won't happen. i know how i am, i know how he is and sometimes we argue a lot. that isn't something i want to look foward to.

we are sexually active and have been for only a month or so.
we've been dating for almost a year and we're completly comfortable with eachother.

i think that if you're questioning whether or not you should do it or not, that you definetly aren't ready.

if you were, you would know it.