Subliminal Messages Options

[seremela_culnamo]

Yet again, this is going to be a long post but I have to write exactly what happened in order for you guys to understand what's going on. I really appreciate if you give me some advice because the ones I have been given, they are all along the same lines whereas some are completely different. Thanks!

To start things off, code names are used. I'm Robyn, my best friend's Chloe, my crush's Dean.

Thursday.
I was having a really bad day. I was really worried about my mid-term marks because my marks aren't as high as I wanted them to be. So I began to worry about what my family would say and then all the emotions got me thinking about Dean. I couldn't help crying in class, but since I sit in the back, I hid my face by starring at the board, while Chloe sits beside me and Dean sits across from the aisle beside me. It was just horrible..Then when it was after school, I just left immediately. Guess what happened? Dean makes Chloe stay for a solid half an hour to talk to her about me.

Knowing Dean, I know it must've been really hard for Chloe. At one point, he just pressured her into telling him who my crush was. So she gave up and just said, "You!" Then he goes something like, "I could tell ever since the night we hung out at Vaughn Mills". That was 3 weeks ago from last Friday! We just basically hung out with one another while he took me shopping for presents at like..3 different malls or something >< But then he didn't say much afterwards, since he had to "work". Even though I think that was just an excuse because I don't think he has work on Thursday. Unless it was for community service or something. I don't have a full detail of what happened..

Well around 4, he called me. Told me that he really cares, don't do anything crazy and basically saying that he will never let me go, regardless of how much I seem to hate him. But I don't hate him! Even though he's given the impression that I do since I'm ALWAYS pushing him away when he tries to help me and such. I can't believe that I didn't realize what he meant by him being able to tell what was happened ever since the night we hung out. I thought he meant it as in that I was mad or disliked him since then. I had no clue. Then he calls again at night, just to make sure I was okay and that he really cares.

Friday.
We had a poetry reading thing for Writer's Craft, which continued from lunch till the actual class period. Anyway, I was waiting by myself in front of the classroom at the beginning, since we had a club meeting before the poetry reading started. But there was hardly anyone there except for those who commonly ate in the halls. Well he kinda comes up to me and starts talking me and such. Meh. It was really awkward.

Then when the poetry thing started, we all started talking. Then we went for the food. It was so embarrassing! I was next in line after him for the pizza and he gets his. Then he goes, "Robyn, which one do you want?" Smiles* I go, "The other kind." Him, "Here, I will get it for you." Me, "Nah, it's alright", and goes to get it myself while he does at the same time. But I got there first. So he goes, "Aw, you sure? Here, I will help you." Then my friend, "Rex", who always appear at the worst times and state the obvious, he goes, "Stop treating her like a child!" It was completely embarrassing. I was beet red so I turned to face Rex and simply said, "Rex!" with a glare. While Dean goes, "Shut up!" It was so embarrassing since it was in front of everyone and there's only 13 students in the class!

Then it was time for poetry reading. I read the poem that he already read before and it was dedicated to my crush! Omg. I can't believe that I did it!

It was time for our next class. I got really embarrassed when I was leaving. Chloe was up front by the doors, waiting for me (we have 3/4 classes together. craziness!). Anyway, I was walking up to the front of the class, and Dean was there. He was like looking down at the floor and at his water bottle, then he looks up at my with a bit of a shy face or something and goes, "I really wish I can come". Then looks back down. He meant it as in, he wished that he could've gone with the club and I to the Harry Potter movie right after school (ekk - yes, i'm a harry potter freak! o.O). I got really embarrassed so I gave him a weak smile and just left.

In philosophy, that's when the truth hits me. I was a tad angry at Chloe for not telling me that she 'confirmed' it with Dean that I like him! Then I felt so retarded for reading the poem that he knows it was dedicated to him! Omg. Now he probably thinks I'm a freak or something because I guess he was assuming that Chloe already told me the day before or at least on Friday that he knew. So much for playing along that I pretend that I don't know that he knows that I have these feelings for him. Sigh*

What should I do? My friends all say that today, after I get a full version of what happened on Thursday after school - his conversation with Chloe (since Chloe only told me a bit in philosophy - so i'm making her tell me EVERYTHING and if she doesn't, im not going to do ANYTHING when she comes over today to work on our politics ISP!), I should call him. At least by then, I might have some courage and explain the behaviour I have been lately. & he's just as confused to why I would ignore him to the point that it seemed like I'm mad at him. Whereas people like my sibling say that I should just let it go and since he knows I like him, he will eventually ask me out or something if he feels the same way. I really have no clue what to do >< I'm so shy and this has never happened to me before. I feel like a child. Lol. Since I'm in grade 12. But I don't want to ruin our friendship and he really does care a lot about me. Sigh*

I will definately add stuff to this when I find out exactly what happened between his conversation with Chloe about me.

[_sarcastic_]

lol if you like him alot and knows that he might like you why not make the first move, i mean nothing's going to wait forever. it probably was a good thing to read that poem out loud since it's for him, that's kinda expressing how you feel about him.

[seremela_culnamo]

Well I got the full version of from my friend.

Basically he's just really worried and after finding out that my crush was him for sure, he like..begged her for my number. He's just really confused but in another way. He has no clue why I am still pushing him away and such. Wondering why I don't think our friendship will work out and it could be possible that if he and I end up in a relationship, it may work out. So I really don't know what he meant by that >< Like will he even give it a try or is he just thinking out loud and let it slip? I really should call him, but I'm really scared and I don't want to catch him off guard.

Ekk, help!

[topsyturvy]

I think he really wants to try. Why don't you give it a shot? If it doesn't work then, well, that's how relationships are i guess. You just gotta keep trying, that's all. Except with different people.

Maybe you could start off by rebuilding the friendship.. Take down your defense and stop ignoring him. Accept him slowly to the point that he won't notice it as a whole chunk of affection all at a time, but small bits of acceptance. Over time you'll have his trust.

[LittleLulu]

ok so u both like each other....

i guess for starters you should stop pushing him away?
and then maybe he'd ask you out.

i really dont see the problem actually.

[seremela_culnamo]

Well I called him around 8 yesterday. Everyone said I really should talk about it. So I called him to apologize for the way I have been acting and such. But it only lasted for like 5 minutes, since he was outside at work. & his stupid co-worker was so annoying. I guess his friend knew it was a girl so he started imitating Dean everything he said, then he started to respond to everything that Dean was saying to me. I guess he told his friend to just get lost but yea. He was working. So he asked me if I wanted him to call me back when he gets off work around 10. I told him if he wants to and he said he would. It was kinda awkward when I told him that I knew that Chloe told him everything after school on the previous Thursday. He sounded nervous or something after that. After finding out that I knew that he knew that I liked him.

I was really worried that he wouldn't. Like he got off around 10, but he didn't call until 10:25-ish. I guess it's due to the fact that he had to pack, and he called from his car before heading home. Which probably explained why it was so quiet. Anyway, he called and we kinda talked. I just feel so..retarded for not just asking straight out if he likes me. Like on Thursday, what he said to Chloe about me, like what makes me think that things won't work out between us if we were to be in a relationship together, it seemed like he was going to give it a chance. But then yesterday on the phone, he never gave me a straight answer of what he wants. Basically just saying that no matter what, we will see be good friends. So does that mean that it will always be "just friends"? I really don't know.

Today, it was really awkward. Since his locker is at the end of the school, the same row but 20 lockers away, I knew I had to see him. So at lunch, I kinda moved to the wall opposite from the lockers to eat. I like put down my stuff, and we both just kinda looked at one another. Then my friend comes and it like, broke our looks off. My other best friend came afterwards and I started talking to her, trying not to look at him. He kinda hestiated though. Like he was going to walk off around the corner, but for a few seconds, he just stood there looking at me. As though wondering or not he should just go or come over. But I guess he got kinda freaked out or something, since people were there, so he just left.

Sigh* Now that he knows, I can basically feel like my face blushing everytime he talks to me. Or when he's poking me or something in any way. He does that everyday. Like today, I would just be sitting there, and he will lean over the aisle and poke me in the shoulder. I kinda moved away a bit though >< Then after school, he loves to confuse me. Lol. Like everyday, he will tap me on the shoulder and go to the other side and I will be like, "huh? ohhh, dean!" Lol. But yea. He seriously doesnt' give up, especially when I know it's only him who's tapping me.

I have no clue what I should do. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I still really like him >< & I have group work with him. One for our ISP and the other, a movie production. I have no clue what I should do. If we do one of my best friend's play, apparently she's going to make us hold hands or something when he "rescues" me. While for mines, if he wants to play one of the characters, the good one, apparently he's suppose to be my "boyfriend". Geez, if only he isn't in my group.

& I have no clue if he likes me back. Like I don't think he does, but I'm not even sure if he wants to give it a try or anything. I really don't know >< I'm not pushing him away anymore, it's just that it's really awkward that he knows now. & when we talked about things yesterday on the phone, none of us two would say anything directly about it. Like I referred to me liking him as in "my stupid feelings" whereas he never gave me a straight answer of what's going on with our friendship. Except that we will always be friends and such. So does that mean I absoulately have no chance or he's not exactly sure where it should head, too?

[_sarcastic_]

Well I got the full version of from my friend.

Basically he's just really worried and after finding out that my crush was him for sure, he like..begged her for my number. He's just really confused but in another way. He has no clue why I am still pushing him away and such. Wondering why I don't think our friendship will work out and it could be possible that if he and I end up in a relationship, it may work out. So I really don't know what he meant by that >< Like will he even give it a try or is he just thinking out loud and let it slip? I really should call him, but I'm really scared and I don't want to catch him off guard.

Ekk, help!

he likes you back.
why not give him a chance? anyways don't keep pushing him away, sooner or later he's probably going to think that you don't like him anymore and move on. make the first move

[seremela_culnamo]

Yeah, I'm just going to let him come into my life. Even though I blush at times now, it's all good. Well not all good, but at least he knows and such. I'm sure he still knows that it's still on my mind because of the way how things even went today (ie. staring at one another then losing contact once our friend came by when it seemed like we wanted to talk right then). Meh. I'm still really worried about how it's going to work out, but everyone has said not to worry and everything will be fine. Especially from the way things are going.

Must. Not. Give. Up. Hope. Even. Though. I. Had. . . Must. Not. Be. So. Negative...Must. Be. Myself. And. Let. Him. Realize. What. Is. Going. On...Must. See. How. Things. Go. And. If. He. Doesn't. Like. Like. Me...Even. A. Tiny. Bit. Is. Good...Hopefully. It. Will. Work. Since. Like. My. Friend. Said...Don't. Be. Too. Paranoid. And. Such...Guys. Like. It. When. It's. More...Mystical. Or. Whatever. That. Describes. It...

Agree? Sorry for writing like that. Just want to express my eagnerness =P

[topsyturvy]

^ Guys like it when girls aren't all over them (aka. obsessed with them).

[seremela_culnamo]

Yea. I know what you mean. So right now, I'm letting him into my life. Just that it feels awkward since it's been only two days when I talked to him on the phone and for these two days, we hadn't really had the chance to talk since people are always there or the teacher is actually teaching. So yea. I will find some time..eventually.

Meh. Talk about being paranoid. I have no clue. I realized that he knows a bunch of girls. That doesn't exactly make me feel to happy about, but meh. What can I do, right? I like him but it's not like I control him or anything. Lol. But yea. I realized that for me..he just seems to care a lot. Like when my best friend is pissed or something, he will make sure she's okay. But don't try much and such. Whereas for me, he will go after me. Like the times when he walked me home, walked with me around for a bit and actually caught up to me with his bike. 2/3 on rainy days. Or was it everytime? Meh. I dunno.

Things that happened or things that he say, it either makes me feel like Lana Lang from Smallville at times. Then when he does stuff that makes me paranoid or something, I feel like Chloe.

I. Am. Trying.