Life so vacant |
 Oct 21 2005, 04:30 PM
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#1
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SOS Brigade!!  Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775  |
Hmm heres another one just to add .
My life so vacant robbed of words no one can understand how I feel my heart so enclosed robbed of feelings no one can open and see how I feel My mind so empty robbed of thoughts robbed of everything I have I gave it all away just because I chose to live life in a sinful way |
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Oct 21 2005, 11:15 PM
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#2
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 i'm such a sucker sometimes. Group: Member Posts: 441 Joined: Jun 2005 Member No: 151,732 |
Wow, I really liked that.
 It's effective in its simplicity.
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| *mipadi* |
Oct 23 2005, 08:24 PM
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#3
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I don't know, I feel like it doesn't really show anything. It feels more like a rant than a poem.
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| *not_your_average* |
Oct 23 2005, 08:29 PM
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#4
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^ Agreed. I didn't really feel anything after reading that. Plus, punctuation and grammar would help.
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Oct 25 2005, 03:35 PM
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#5
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SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
Haha I don't think free write would need such things. -____-;; Its the way the poet views it.. I don't really care about how bad it may be and such. as long as I enjoyed it and I like it nothing else matters.
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Oct 26 2005, 03:37 PM
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#6
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 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
^exactly!
I think it was great :) I liked how you tied it in at the end. Some of the greatest poems have the weirdest grammer, punctuation, and are so confusing! (example=the wasteland by ts eliott) Great job! keep it up! |
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| *mipadi* |
Oct 26 2005, 03:40 PM
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#7
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QUOTE(KissMe2408 @ Oct 26 2005, 4:37 PM) ^exactly! I think it was great :) I liked how you tied it in at the end. Some of the greatest poems have the weirdest grammer, punctuation, and are so confusing! (example=the wasteland by ts eliott) Great job! keep it up!  But The Waste Land does have punctuation... |
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