Poem, couldnt think of a title |
 Oct 2 2005, 07:22 AM
Post
#1
|
|
 Another ditch in the road... you keep moving  Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152  |
f**k what i knew
what i didnt do what i couldnt try but wouldnt hide nights get darker about now the flash;light broke aroun a mile back but flying blind is cool, i guess better than sitting still one day, we'll see how dumb we were how dumb we probably still will be. we Argonauts search for our own Golden Fleece the cyclops looks out from the school window Jason used a burning stake Jimmy put a fag out in his eye. f**k what i knew... what i still could do What i refuse to try (heh. shy.) and i will never hide |
|
|
|
 |
Replies
(1 - 10)
|
Oct 2 2005, 07:26 AM
Post
#2
|
|
 pish stick! Group: Member Posts: 104 Joined: Mar 2005 Member No: 118,033 |
blaaaahh.. i just hate it when you use those words..
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 2 2005, 08:11 AM
Post
#3
|
|
|
Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
which words?
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 2 2005, 11:17 AM
Post
#4
|
|
 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
It's okay. Kind of an indirect message and hard to follow. I guess I'm just too stupid to interpret the poem.
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 3 2005, 03:06 PM
Post
#5
|
|
|
Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
^
thats a little moody... |
|
|
|
|
Oct 3 2005, 11:14 PM
Post
#6
|
|
 Senior Member Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 7,025 Joined: Feb 2004 Member No: 4,051 |
I like it, it kinda catchy. Good job!
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 4 2005, 04:20 PM
Post
#7
|
|
|
SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
^ I like how you used the word f**k to catch the persons attention. drags you into the poem and makes you wonder why you used that word.
Nicely done. |
|
|
|
|
Oct 5 2005, 02:43 PM
Post
#8
|
|
|
Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
i thought of another verse
f**k what i've seen what i could have been still, i never lie and i never hide Future B = second best but, still better than the rest Isn't that kind of quirky... well, my crew went home at nine cyclops down, now a labyrinth trouble is, we have no thread the Minator of authority... makes me smile yet i suppose its the thing i fear the most hows THAT for irony? we dont learn, dont map the maze its cool to wonder lost to f**k what you've seen what you still have a chance to be smoke, drink, steal, lie but please, God, never make me hide |
|
|
|
|
Oct 5 2005, 04:22 PM
Post
#9
|
|
|
SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
^ That new remake is ok but the last line sort of throws the rythym of the whole poem off.
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 5 2005, 05:59 PM
Post
#10
|
|
|
Another ditch in the road... you keep moving Group: Member Posts: 6,281 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 85,152 |
^ that was intentional... its not a remake but an extention
|
|
|
|
|
Oct 6 2005, 04:53 PM
Post
#11
|
|
|
SOS Brigade!! Group: Member Posts: 2,573 Joined: Sep 2004 Member No: 47,775 |
^ ahhh icic.. Trying to give an audiene the feeling of wtheck is he trying to say kind of thing huh =P. Nice !
|
|
|
|
 |
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: