KISS, just a poem suggestions |
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 Jul 27 2005, 02:47 PM
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#1
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 <-[RaWR]->  Group: Member Posts: 180 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 102,133  |
The first time I saw you smile
I knew Id never be the same You made me feel worth while And diminished the shame I wanted you to be your best Grasp your goals and achieve Watch you at night when you rest Be the one who made you believe Even in my times of need You'd always be there All my problems would secede Because I knew you'd care Here I am standing here At your door thinking of this Life became clear After our first kiss I think its missing something right in the middle. |
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Jul 28 2005, 04:46 PM
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#2
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
I think it's fine where it is, but the focus of the poem isn't about the kiss. It's more expressing your feelings for a significant other. If I were you, I'd get rid of the idea of a first kiss altogether. Nice poem, good flow, words and rhymes.
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