A Message to Anyone, v.6 (continued) Options

[*CrackedRearView*]

Well, since the other one is gone, let's try it again. Credits to Vinh for the original.

-----------------


I've been saying it since the very beginning. "You broke me." What have you done?!

I hang on your every word. I anticipate everything. And there's nothing I'd change.

How did I start loving you so much?

[topsyturvy]

I was wondering where v.6 went Yay its back!

[*Azarel*]

To crab: Your username made me smile; I have no idea why.

-----

I love you. Come home soon, dear. I want to spend eternity with you.

[kill me please]

grandma: i miss you so much. i could write a very long thing about how you were so wonderful... but somethings are better left short. you see it hurts to much to just write this. and tomorrow at the funeral i will let it all out
------------
derek: dude you're hott . let me drive your car XD

[funky_munky]

To my friend,
If you say that you're gonna help, then help. if youre not, then don't bother saying it. Okay?

[technicolour]

To Him-

I miss you so much. call me dammit. I hope you dont meet some girl who likes to walk around in a bikini and do weird things. Just, remember me..

[dreamerOi]

to you

how do you always know right when to talk to me and when not to? how do you know when im sad? how do you know when im normal? how do you know when im mad? even though i hide it so well how do you know? you always amaze me you know. usually i already know what a person is kind of like but you. you always surprise me. you even sometimes question my relationship status of who i should really be with. if im with the right guy. but i know i am. i know boss is the one for me. at the moment at least. heh. but you do make me think sometimes maybe i really shouldnt because of all of this stuff. i dont know ill edit this later

to youu

thank you for being there for me lately. youve never been the talk to seriously type person but you. when you look at me you can see one personality in one eye. and another in the other. you can see it even when i close my eyes. you make me feel nice inside. like your giving me something. which you are. just not physically. you give me things mentally the most. im glad you can talk to me because your like me. you cant really talk to anyone because your known to be the happy person that laughs at everyone and makes people laugh. so you cant really disappoint them but more then that you dont want to worry them. i dont want to worry them either or make someones day a tad ruined. feeling unstable or sad or whatnot can make another person feel the same just a tad which wouldnt be so good. well i have to thank you for talking to me. and listening to me. also for giving me advice. but not making me do anything i didnt want to. without you id probably have given up on bosco or still had been with andrew. but thank you. thank you so much.

[sharerol]

- Thanks. So now he's mad at me. Even if him and I aren't exactly the best of friends, I don't like it when people are mad at me. I mean, who does? I mean, I don't like it especially when he's mad at me for something I didn't do.
It's okay, though. I'm not mad at you.

- My goodness, it's so hard trying to talk to you.

[redpeony]

mathguy
why do i keep thinking about you
you don't deserve so much space in my mind...
but maaaaaaan i wish i could get to know you better, you seem so awesome

------------

i don't really know what you're thinking but if my intuition is telling me correctly, then no i don't like you and no i don't want anything to happen. =| i just want to be friends... nothing more. you're a great guy but i just don't see you in that way

------------

hey tard, it's kinda hard to be there for you. i mean... i'm glad to be a friend and that time we sat at the sushi place for 2 hours just talking was a good time, i admit. but it seems as though all we ever talk about is you. i know you're going through tough stuff, but just keep in mind that you're not the only one, okay? i love you and everything... but please consider others once in a while.

[aznhunnie6o1]

Wow.. I never would have guessed that you liked me until it came up... I don't think I have feelings for you in that way.. But maybe I will again some day.. I hope this doesnt mess up our friendship. Your such an awsome guy.

[shattered_dream]

michael: I miss u so much as a frd. still. all i ever wanted was for things to work out but then... they turned out to be different. very different from what i thought. i trusted u and i was wrong. remember the heart box u made for me in pottery class?its gotta be THE nicest gift ive ever gotten from a guy.

[whywasisostupid]

dear seth,
im feeling your drifting away. i havent seen in you in 5 days. i miss you very much. you've been on my mind every single minute. why do you have such an effect on me? do you feel the same?

i wonder if you even have feelings. you say you dont. i dont want to believe that. but sometimes i do believe you.. ive been thinking of things i shouldnt. shuld we break up? id be devestated, but if thats what you want. i only look for what you believe is the best for you. please dont worry about me.

i love you. ill be forever yours.

--

dear vinnie,
you're adorable. thanks for everything. thanks for taking care of my drunk ass. im glad you understand.

--

dear jeff, jesse, lindy, maddy, and tony,
it was nice to hang out today. only 3 more days!

[xxplicit]

chinese girl. stop copying me, damnit.

[sharerol]

-You, stop being so intimidating

-Give me the courage to talk to him.

[Smilessss]

AHH! imma so fuckn frustrating! y do yoo 3 havta ended up likn me?!! Stop makn me soo frustrating confusing...and hurt.... i onno if i wanna go out wit ne of yoo yet...just leave me alone!! wat makes me so special dat yoo like me?!! agh! just give me sum space plz!!

[*danielle_x3*]

to everyone - happy 4th of july
to him - you'll just never know.

[me1issaaaa]

Today was amazing. I can't believe we finally did it. I love you. I finally held you in my arms, I finally ran my fingers through your hair, I finally laced my hands around yours, I finally had the chance to taste your sweet lips on mine. God, you gave me the best day I could possibly imagine. This was all I'd hoped for and more. I am so in love with you.

[dreamerOi]

i want to just make love you to. but i shouldnt think it so much. your too far. when do i get to see you? when you coming back? i miss you. i love you dear. ill talk to you in 2 weeks.

[Skyline Drive]

-- I gave you all my honest opinions & thoughts, I hope they help you view everything in a better perspective so you don't make a big mistake. Please don't fall for him again.

[x0hAyLiE0x]

matt:
i hope u dont met some gurl that u start to like...y havent u called me in like a week? im startin to wonder if u still luv me, i miss u

[*mzkandi*]

Ok, I know you want to be with me but seriously, when I say I am not ready to be in a relationship with you, take that for what it is. How can you possible want to be in a commited relationship when you have so much mess you need to work out in your life.

[DixieDaCutie]

i wanna like u, but i dont think i do... i nvr think about u. i avoid ur calls, n dont really look fwd 2 going out w/ u. maybe id like u more if u dumped me, as screwed as that sounds...i dunno. so freakin confused...but oddly i dont care tht im confused...maybe i juz dont care about u @ all. hrsh, i know...im sry. i wnt evrything to be all perfect, but nothings there.

other person~ hopefully uve stopped goin on createblog, cuz i really dont feel like havin u read this. but i freakin LIKE U. no clue y~ i dont wnna cuz i no tht whatevr we had b4 is ovrr... beyond ovr. damnn.

[azn hunni xox]

To tell you the truth, I'm scared. I'm scared about how much things are going to change over the Summer. I'm scared your going to change even more, in a bad way, I'm scared we'll drift farther apart. I'm just scared.

[topsyturvy]

Oh crap. I'm dead, i'm dead, i'm dead.

I am sooooo dead.

[toodlepops.]

Dayuumm, what should I do?! Help me, please

[mai_z]

You're gone, and I already miss you. You're going to be gone for so much longer, but I want you to come back.

[inthemudhole]

Heyyyy. I'm so glad you're finally around. It seems like it's been ages, I know, but it's great talking to you again and just hearing you say all of those sweet and adorable things you say. I can't wait until I get my phone back so we can talk. I still miss you though... I watched all of these sappy romance movies last night and thought of you and how things will be in the future and if this long distance thing can work out, you know?
Oh well.
Love you.

- Me

----------------------------------

Hey. Remember after we broke up we said we'd remain friends? Well, neither of us really took it to heart and did anything about it, and now... I think it'd be nice to be friends again. You were a really good friend and we had a lot of good times. It's almost been a year since we broke up, so I believe that's enough time. I think we could be friends again. I hope you feel the same.

- Me

[Looow]

____:Okay, so I have the phone next to me. I have your number and I think I know what to say. Why can't I do it?Why is it that all I want to do is cry. Maybe its because I'm not over the fact that you're not here. Even after years and years. I just wish I could stand up to you and just tell you that I hate being ignored by you all the time. That I hate thinking that you're going to call because you tell me yourself that you are because you've changed. It's all lies though.. But maybe by calling you, I'd push you away and that's the last thing I want to do. I want to have a decent relationship with you. I've always wanted to. All these years but it was always me who wanted to. I'm tired of it. I want to see that YOU really want to. I want to see that you REALLY care. Not just care for two weeks and then forget about me. fjksf. Uhm. Thursday will be better ..I'll call then

[*takingbacksandy*]

I hate you.

[whywasisostupid]

dear seth,

i saw you just a few minutes ago, but i miss you. :( im a bit obsessive.
i love your kisses.

[pyoon]

To the people of earth,
DEATH FROM ABOVE!

[nhj_2006]

dear you,

i hope one day i can be strong enough and just leave you, cuz i can't take all this shiz anymore. what a freakin jerk yet u got my heart.

[PinkTrash]

</3

why'd you have to do that to me? :( why didnt you just tell me? maybe i didnt LOVEE you that much either, and maybe you weren't that inlove with me as we acted like infront of everyone else but you know that i was HAPPY when i was with you. i dont know if its a friendship thing, or if its a romance but i know that now you're gone as a friend & as a lover; you stole my happiness & im definetly not happy without you.

[yummy_delight]

to You:

You aren't interested anymore. I can see that. I could feel you slipping away. I'm not even going to entertain that idea that actually committing myself to you would have made you want to stay with me. I'm just going to pretend that nothing ever happened. Honestly, I'm better off that way.

But before I attempt to erase my own memory, I want you to know that I meant every word I ever said to you. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you, that I wanted to have you, that I thought about marrying you. Every word drenched in love or in sex that I whispered in your ear, yelled to the world or scribbled on paper and tucked in your pocket was true. I wouldn't take any of it back for the world.

We were a secret, but was your love a lie? I'd rather not know. I'm content with the idea that we had a mutual beautiful something, but you craved change. However fleeting it was, I want to believe, I need to believe it was real.

If anything, please remember that I loved you with all of me, and I'll never stop.

I TRULY LOVE YOU.

[*Azarel*]

Four thousand. Let's make this memorable.

-----

I'm no writer, but I love the way it feels just trying to express how I feel, no matter how cliche, how cheesy. I finally understand how those people feel, and it's amazing. These feelings just always keeps coming, ceaseless, never ending - just how I feel.

You are most dear to me; everytime anything reminds me of you, I feel my heart momentarily stop, and everything freezes. Then, expectedly, it comes flooding back the next second, and my heart races, the sides of my mouth crease into a smile. And each time, the sensation is just as exhilarating as it was the first time.

It still strikes me as unbelievable, incredulous, impossible even, that I've found someone like you, someone who complements me in every way. I never thought I'd find that person, the one made for you, and now that I have.. I know it's you. I know this will last. This isn't anything close to puppy love anymore. I don't believe it ever really was. Maybe we're naive, but it just adds on to the thrill of being in love.

It gives me such a high, it makes me giddy, I feel like I've fallen back into the sixth grade, when children get so worked up about crushes and doodle the name of their love of the moment. And it's funny in a way, I do that alot too now. However silly it may be, it makes me smile when I do it. I think about us. I think about you.

Just the way you say the simplest, but sweetest, things always leaves me at a loss for words. You're so wonderful, and I wonder sometimes how I ever got you, how I'm even keeping you with me - but then I realize, you wonder the same about me. Our story, it's really quite far-fetched, but that's the way some stories should be, right? How some love is? Of course. It's amazing.

Nearly three months has felt like so much longer, and I'm still excited for "us." I hate that people scoff at online relationships, at how "fake" they think the relationship is. We'll show them. I can't wait to meet you, to finally be able to hold you, cuddle, lay my head on your chest, just physically be with you.

People always question the meaning of life - and I've tried to be an optimist by always replying, "Simply to love and be loved." And now, I believe it so. I can't remember how I got along without you, I can't remember me without you. I don't know where I'd be without you; these past few months have been hard on me - family problems and grades - but you've been there despite your own problems. That's all I really need for now. Sometimes, though - actually a lot of the time - I lay in bed, yearning for your touch.

And it tears me apart - I've missed chances where I could've met you. In the winter, your visit to UCB & Stanford, just a few weeks ago when you stayed in Gilroy.. God. You have no idea how badly I want to meet you. But then again, we always describe things that way between us - "you have no idea how.." But I think we both really do know that our love is unfathomable.

Haha, I find it amusing. I've broken out into tears of happiness just writing about you. It's not the first time either. I've never felt like this about anyone; I thought I knew what love was, but you've proven me wrong: you've shown me so much more. After sixteen years, I've managed to stumble upon a love that will last me the rest of my life. And I love that.

I used to always dream about you - I didn't know it was you at the time, or that you even existed - but I wished so badly for you to someday appear, to come sweep me off my feet. It felt like someday never came, though; what's ironic is that when I stopped looking for love, you came along: the love of my life, who I've been searching for my entire life. Someday has finally arrived. My prince has come.

That's just what you are, Justin: my prince. This is my fairytale that I thought would never exist. Maybe it's not a fairytale, but it's as close as I'll ever get. The thought of meeting you, I've toyed with it so much. I'm so excited, and the anticipation is killing me. Babe, come home. I need you too.

"They say it makes the world go round. Money can't buy it. And it conquers all. They say all is fair in love and war. So make love, not war. They say the first one always has a special place in your heart. They say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. They say love is blind. Love is colorblind. Love is a many-colored thing. There's first love, puppy love, platonic love, unrequited love, true love, unconditional love, love at first sight, the love of your life, the one you want your mama to meet, the one that got away... So we ride through the Tunnel of Love. Make out at Lover's Lane. Say our vows at the Chapel of Love. Take a cruise on the Loveboat and reserve the Honeymoon Suite. And sometimes we gotta stay at the Heartbreak Hotel. But hey, love is a battlefield. And I'm a soldier of love."

[haostar]

i hate you and u know why. so dont act stuped!

[*Azarel*]

i hate you and u know why. so dont act stuped!

... oh, ironies.

Jared - I really don't believe you love Rachel as you claim to. All you think about is the sex. I never believed you when you told me you loved her. That you love her. It's not love when you keep questioning it the way you do. It's not love at all. I shouldn't be one to judge, but you admit it yourself that all you think about is the sex, or rather in your bullshit terms "making love." You simply don't get it, do you? I'm sorry to say, but I just don't believe you really know what love is..

[silver-rain]

Oh, I'm so glad I got to see you again. Really, the past week has been so hectic and bleh, but you've always been there for me. And yes, even though yesterday didn't go as planned, it was still enjoyable in some parts. And, you have to admit, watching the fireworks with me would be better than watching them somewhere else with other people hah.
But eh, we talked this over last night, but I don't like how you don't ask me abut my day, comment on how I look, and other small stuff that shouldn't matter but I still make a huge deal out of it. But I'm glad we can talk it out and get through it.
And, I really liked today. I like being with you, and hah thank you for introducing me to Boston Market. Another place to add to that list of places you've shown me. Hah. I love you so much, and it was true that I said after our "fight"; I will always love you, and the fact that I can't get too mad at you (or you can't get too mad at me either) is because we love each other so much that in the end, it isn't worth getting so mad. We'll always have each other <3

[ANG33ZY]

omg o_o

[[Mediocre]Artist]

I asked you about the virgin Mary because I've been praying to her lately and its been helping and I don't know what that means for me because I'm supposed to be Baptist. I don't think I could be a Catholic. I hate church and I don't believe the pope is anything more than a great priest for the world. Blah, wasn't I an athiest last summer?

[PinkTrash]

I avoid everything & anything that will remind me of us and our past.. everytime i take pictures with my cellphone, everytime i smell that familiar cologne of yours & everytime i sign online and see you there but can't speak to you because we're no longer friends nor more. you made me really happy; and you were nearly one of the only people in my life that could actually do that. more than happy. i remember my happiest weekend everr; and that was the only one where you stayed home from your cottage. even though you were dating Brittany, and we weren't inLOVE then yet, i was so happy and optimistic about life. but now things changed. . . sometimes people say "I wished we were always friends, and never more because it ruined our friendship" but I dont want to believe that with you because then I would've never experience my high high highh happiness with you during the time together. yes, it did ruin my happiness from before, but hell we had too much fun, but now its overr. all overrrrrrrrrrr.. OVERRRRRRRRRR;

[*stephinika*]

to _______
hey. thanks for the great talk on the phone...i needed it and i think you did too. it was nice to just talk about...well, everything. i learned some new information too...it hurt, but its good to know. thanks for everything.

to ______
wow, i'm so glad that you're okay. you scared me so much...oh my god. don't ever do that to me again....i'm just so relieved that you're okay.

to all you fcukers who won't leave me and my life alone
i hate you. you come here to read my shit just so you can formulate more gossip and rumours don't you!? i hate you. i hate you all. leave my godamn life alone. you don't care about the truth...you just like to have someone's life wrapped around your little finger to make and tell stories about, don't you!? i don't care if you don't want the truth because here it is right here, right now.
no, i didn't cheat. i would never do a thing like that. perhaps i did some flirting and slightly inappropiate things...fine. but i did not cheat and that does not give you the right to call me a slut so fcuk you all. your own lives are just that much more pathetic so stfu.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

You're so jealous; afraid he'll make a move on me and that I'm not forceful enough to say no. He's not who you should worry about. I'm the one that wishes I could kiss him. Just once. Just to see. And I hate to say thing, but I probably wouldn't if you hadn't paid him so much attention.

[this__love]

dear blah blah blah,

i'm wondering how you are doing and whether or not i should give you a call.

[sharerol]

-Gary, aw, feel better.

-You never talk to me anymore. Plus, you're always away.

-ANNA, I think I might be going to the Great Mall next week.

[nopattern]

-Why must you be such a...jerk? I used to be able to trust you. Now, I never know what may happen. You can't form your own opinion anymore. You used to be so carefree and didn't take any note to what others thought. Now you're just like them. At least, you're turning that way. You go with the crowd. You don't care what you do to me or anybody else who isn't them. They won't be there for you. They will be gone in 5 minutes. And if they aren't, they still won't be what I was. At the very least, learn to form your own opinion. They won't always be there telling you who or what you should like. Quit trying to make me look like the badguy. I've done nothing wrong. I haven't changed. It's all you. Quit trying to make me feel like crap. I don't deserve this.

-Quit trying so hard. If people don't like you for the way you are, screw them. You're cool enough. Make your own opinions. Quit lying. Nobody cares what you do or don't have or what you do or don't do. It's not a big a deal as you make it out to be.

-Stay the way you are.

[*jooleeah*]

Why do you act like a bastard and get praised for it...?

f**king bitch. I hate you.

[Looow]

- Oh crap. I'm sorry. You knew it though. I feel baddddd.

[heyyfrankie]

dear mother f**ker,

i am so pissed off at you right now. i can't believe that you are doing this to me. we have been friends for going on 6 years now and i had enough courage to do what i had to do and i was just WAITING for you but no. you always insisted no. i always knew the truth but never really said anything. it REALLY sucks what you are doing. i hope that everyone finds out at school and makes fun of you until you cry.

love your BEST good friend, Frankie

[*Azarel*]

-ANNA, I think I might be going to the Great Mall next week. 

Cool. Let me know when. I might be busy, but I'll try my best to make it.

[sharerol]

Cool. Let me know when. I might be busy, but I'll try my best to make it.

I don't think we should meet, though. My parents will be there.

//Edit

Awwww, Frankie.

[PinkTrash]

AH I MISS YOU SO MUCH UR ONLINE & I CANT DO A THING THIS IS KILLING MEEEE;

[Skyline Drive]

I feel so extremely renewed and for once I can say that I AM ready for college. I am ready to be that independent adult. Thank you for understanding that this is what I needed. Everything turned out glorious and I owe it all to you. I love you so much!

It makes me so happy and completely satisfied that I am making a difference in my future. It's the best feeling ever. All these experiences have made me who I am, which is why I will never regret any of them. I've learned so much and I really have nothing to say other than the fact that I am ready, for life.

[banthisaccountno...]

You liar.
You promised me that I'd never lose you.

[pinayprincess]

[to my #1]
stop f**king around with me... you keep on having your phases and assuming something out of no where... i understand where you coming on with blaming our past with each on me but why now? please move on from this, i still want us to be happy as friends...

[to my future]
i like you a lot... jsut the fact of you playing around is arggg... it could be funny but sometimes its too much on me you know? we already talked this out... i guess THATS YOU... i'll just have to learn how to appriciate who YOU are

[berry_lickable]

____,

this is really meant to be ? i mean what are the odds that i'll actually see you there and in my fcking bikini. good lord you got a GREAT ASS BODY . when i first saw you i was like fck fck fck nooo ! it was so damn hard trynna forget your ass then when all of a sudden when all my efforts of trynna forget about you was gone in an instant. gahh you looked so damn good. you're almost perfect for me ... almost. but you've gone and hurt me. i dont know what the fck is going` through your head. was i reading the right signs or what ? thats why i hate P**sy ass boys that dont know how to show their feelings. do you like me or not? whats the real deal yo ?

god, you look good.

anastashia

[berry_lickable]

____,

this is really meant to be ? i mean what are the odds that i'll actually see you there and in my fcking bikini. good lord you got a GREAT ASS BODY . when i first saw you i was like fck fck fck nooo ! it was so damn hard trynna forget your ass then when all of a sudden when all my efforts of trynna forget about you was gone in an instant. gahh you looked so damn good. you're almost perfect for me ... almost. but you've gone and hurt me. i dont know what the fck is going` through your head. was i reading the right signs or what ? thats why i hate P**sy ass boys that dont know how to show their feelings. do you like me or not? whats the real deal yo ?

god, you look good.

anastashia

[*CrackedRearView*]

Ever read something so powerful that it momentarily took your vigor? Made you cry? Tugged at the proverbial heartstrings? There are only three instances I can recall: John Irving's A Prayer for Owen Meany, the eulogy my brother wrote for my mother, and what you just wrote to me. In every sense of the adjective, John Irving is a 'writer'. In every sense of the adjective, my brother was a 'writer'. In every sense of the adjective, you are a 'writer'.

For years, people have told me that I've got the knack. People have told me that I simply know the secret that is hidden from everyone but a select few: the secret that is writing efficiently. Of course, in unreasonable modesty, I always cordially disagreed. However, that cordial disagreeance was somewhat founded. I only recently found out what the 'secret' to writing really is. It would appear to me that you, my darling female, have figured it out, as well. The secret is penetration. The human being possesses a very intricate, but very powerful network, woven in methodical fashion, of barriers that writers live to breach. It is this impenetrable emotional wall that writers are built to break down. Sweetheart, you have taken every fiber, every cable, and every brick holding my emotional citadel intact, and you have smashed it. In that sense alone, you are a 'writer'.

You've written effectively because you've uttered everything I've felt for so long but lacked the power to describe. We care about each other so much that it's borderline insane. You explained it perfectly. I wonder why you waste your time with me, while you wonder the exact same thing. I put you before myself, and you do the exact same thing. I long to hold you, to kiss you, to whisper in your ear, and you long for the exact same thing. I think if I were told to describe love, I'd have a new outlook on it, thanks to you. I believe love is about selflessness. It's about finding a priority in another person, and exploiting that priority; glorifying it. It's about being willing to die for a person to make them comfortable, to make them smile, to make them laugh. And Anna, I would die to make you smile, to make you laugh.

And that just leads me to another beautiful heartache. I love your laugh, I love your smile, I love your voice. I love your quirks, I love your language, and culture. I love your outlook, your sarcasm, your personality, your concerns. I love your self-consciousness, I cherish your flaws, I'd fight to keep everything about you preserved in perfect order. I love the way you love me, I love the way you talk to me, the way you compliment me. I love the way you get mad at me, I love your ambition, I love your struggles. I love it when you characteristically squeal, I love it when you tell me 'I'm mad at you, mister,' I love it when you get worried about gaining three pounds. There are just so many personality traits about Milpitas' Anna Wang that I adore with so much fervor. I couldn't begin to list them all.

I love how there are certain things I could disagree with you about, and the overall meaning behind them wouldn't change. Take your post, for example. I could contradict you and say that what we have is puppy love, and no foul would be committed. I could say that it is very credulous, and quite believable that you and I are together, and it would give you a smile. There's no gray area with us, Anna, and that's what makes it so fun. It is fun, isn't it? These past three months have been laced with tragedy and sorrow, and through it all, I've had so much fun that I can hardly begin to portray it in writing. All thanks to a little 5'4" (wow, that's tall) Chinese cutie from a northern California small town. That warrants thanks. Thank you so much, Anna.

We are naïve, Anna, so much that many people would look at us like we're ridiculous; like we're jumping into a pool too deep, and don't know how to swim. But being naïve just adds to the fun, like you said. And, after careful consideration over the past three months, there's nothing I'd rather be than a naïve little child with a bad case of puppy love, doodling 'Anna' on his hand.

Last year, when I officially tried to forget about the girl I had 'loved' for just under a decade, I thought I would never find anyone to love. The heartache was so painful that I shut myself off from everyone and everything important for a long, long time. I never want to experience such pain again, but that inspires fear in me. I, just like many others observing us blossom together, have faith in our relationship, but I have a fear of losing you. I never felt this strongly about Lisa, never. So, I've come to realize that if I lost you, the pain would be an amply greater. I don't want to lose you, Anna. I can't. But I'm happy, because I know I won't; because I know we both want to spend 'forever', whatever crazy amount of time that may be, together. I want to spend forever with you.

I've noticed that you somehow always seem to have more to offer. I've told you (and tried to reassure myself) that I'll be the one taking care of you. That I'm going to come up to the bay area, oh, that sweet part of the country harboring my angel, and sweep you off your Asian feet. But I'm having doubts about the validity of that proposal lately. I'm starting to believe it's the exact opposite. Even in this instance, you offered me 4,000, I'm offering you 1,100. I need you more than you need me, and that realization has been so solidified that it makes me cry; it gives me that 'good heartache' I told you about. You make my heart ache, Anna, and there's no cure for it; no pill to take; no syrup to drink. But, then again, do I want to cure it? It feels so good, even though it hurts. It's so good that now I doubt that a pill, or some syrup would do more good than bad.

Your 4,000th post...

http://www.createblog.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=89085&view=findpost&p=1423547

It's just a combination of meaningless letters, symbols, and numbers that to the ordinary person would indicate nothing. What lies in that beautiful combination is the real prize; the true beauty. What lies in that beautiful combination is the emotion expressed by a person so important, beautiful, magnificent. That beautiful combination encases the affection of the only person whose affection matters.

You already know what I'm about to tell you. I've lost everyone, Anna. All of my immediate family is gone, any friends I had are gone, my home is gone, my mother and brother are gone. It's amazing how quickly these 'impenetrable fortresses' in your life can vanish off the face of the earth, but they do. And when it happens, you're left with my condition: stripped naked, with an awful spotlight blinding you from above, with your hands in the air, begging God to kill you. And then, out of nowhere, someone like you comes and puts a hand on that desperate person's tattered shoulder, and rights every wrong in their life. That's a huge favor to do for someone, and you've done it, Anna. Whether you know it or not, you've corrected me. You're the only one I have left, and you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. I love you so much that I've spent three hours trying to express the inexpressible: my love for you in writing.

Thank you for the heartache, Anna. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being you.

[*stephinika*]

you people suck. let me pick my godamn university...yeah its not the best area but its a great school and they offer what i want. just...let me be. please.

[*FreeStickers*]

... oh, ironies.

--------
I'm so glad we're on the way to being normal again. You have no idea how happy it made me to see you laugh for the first time in what seems like forever. Today was amazing. bleh..speechless.

[Teesa]

To __________ :
I've been thinking about you pretty much all day. It's weird..I don't even know you. But you are so cute, funny, and everything else. But you are a lot of things that I don't want. Ever. I really sense that we have a connection, and I think others see it, too. But I don't want you to know this soon. It's too early to tell, and I will be embarassed if you find out. You are so much more mature than me..you've been through so much and seen so much. I don't think I am right for you in any way. But, again, I feel this connection. I don't know. I am so confused. You probably don't even think of me outside of those precious five hours.

--Teesa

[whywasisostupid]

dear seth,
i seem to have lied to myself. do i love you? i doubt it now. go do my friend why dont you. you seem to like her more.

have a good life. ill miss you.

dear lindy,
leave me alone. we're not friends anymore. why would you do this to me?

dear burt,
thanks. i really liked talking to you from 1-5. quite relaxing indeed. you're pretty cool..

dear mom and dad,
you wont understnad.

[topsyturvy]

You will not believe how much i hate you. What's with the attitude and hostility? Every time we talk, you put me down.

Back off, bitch. Get a life.

-----

I've been thinking about you all day... I know it seemed like i didn't want to go, but honestly, i would've gone if they weren't there. I just can't stand them.

Where are you now? Have you forgotten me? Do you still care?

[Fallen Fairy]

bitch, get over it.

fallen fairy

[me1issaaaa]

People just don't understand what we have, do they? They don't realize that, despite those 600 miles inbetween us, our love is greater than anyone could possibly imagine. Very few people could even guess where our love begins - there's just so much of it. There's just so, so much buried underneath it all. Saying "I love you" just doesn't cut it; those three words simply don't even begin to describe how I feel about you. Even when I'm left speechless, dumbfounded by your grace of words, you know exactly what I want to say.

God, you know me so well. You know exactly when the tiniest thing is irking me. You can tell when I'm not happy, though I try my hardest to cover it all up. You know when I want to say more, but you take me as I am, even when I lack the words to say to you. Oh, how I crave the words to leave you speechless, just as you do me. I want to make you tingle with the sensation of complete and utter happiness, like you do to me when you grab my hand or stroke my face and lift my chin up and gaze into my eyes. I want to make you experience what I do each time I hear your voice; it sends shivers down my spine. I want to cst that spell on you that you've had on me for the past seven months.

I love how your hair does that little flippy thing. I love how the hair on your sideburns curl. I love that little flat part of the bone on your nose. I love your bottom lip. It's a lot of fun to nibble on... heh. I love your waist. I love the way you walk. I love those little flecks of gold and black in your eyes. I love the way you spell my name because it makes me giggle. I love how you grab my hand and lace your fingers around me. I love how you twist my arm around yours as you show me off to everyone. I love how when I say the absolute dumbest thing, you simply look at me, grinning from ear to ear, and you just kind of roll your eyes and then grab my waist and pull me in closer to you, and we just stand there, my head on your shouder, your arms wrapped around me. I love the way you gently graze my leg when we're sitting alone. I love how you ask if it's okay if you do something. I love how even when I say yes, you ask again, letting me know you'd never push anything on me if you didn't think I was ready for it. I love every little thing about you.

You once told me you thought you were destined to save the world; you want to be a hero. You thought you were meant to save the world from destruction. You know what? You didn't - WE did. We saved love.

[nhj_2006]

im sorry to pissed u off or make u upset. i just thought it wasnt a big deal. please forgive me.

[PinkTrash]

without you, i feel like i no one to talk to. </3 and nobody thinks what i say makes sense, my cellphone misses you soo much. comebackfromlondonn. I got so freaked out by that bus/stalker incident and i really wanted to talk to someone on the phone just because they were there but you are like 921384294 of kms away from me, long distant calls. atleast you had other people when i was at china ><" i have nobodyy, and mybestfriend, the person i need most, isnt here. killing me. not just you, kyle too. KILLING ME SOFTLY.

[yummy_delight]

to both of you:

You don't get me, which is normal for parents of the average teenage girl. I'm sorry for not letting you know what's going on. You see me every day for who I am. I really wish I could tell you everything that's going on in my head and in my heart... but, I just can't. Maybe one day when I'm old and wrinkled, or simply when the hormones stop raging.

Sorry for not being the perfect daughter.

-------------------------

to my best friend:

Hello dear. I think I overreacted... in fact, I KNOW I overreacted. That's me, you're resident drama queen for ya. I'm a proud person, and you know that. That's why I can't bring myself to call you or IM you to talk to you.

You ditched me for your awful a-hole of a boyfriend and that hurt me really deep down. But, I wasn't being a good friend by leaving you all alone to deal with your pain. I know you aren't REALLY alone. Let's face it, babe. You're popular. I mean that I abandoned you at the time when best friends are supposed to stick by each other.

I was a hypocrite. I AM a hypocrite. I'm sorry, I really am.

[caliente]

dear baby,
i miss you.. please come see me after work. im sorry about today.. just a little worried about me and you.

[Fallen Fairy]

you are so fake
i hate you
in fact a lot of people hate you
they just don't say anything because they want to be "nice"
i really hate people like you
people who think they are all high and mighty and walk around like their shit doesn't stink.

bitch please.

fallen fairy

[azn hunni xox]

Aw, thanks. I really needed that. And of course we'll always be friends, no matter what. Forever and always.

Through everything, best cousins for life.

Hey, if you say you don't care, how come you always talk about them?

Make up your mind!

[*stephinika*]

hey hon. don't worry...its in the past and i'm not mad at you at all. i understand besides...you actually came up and apologized. that shows that you are a great friend. ilu.

haha wow...we have weird dreams. oh man...oh well. i can't wait for this weekend...grr, time go faster! i miss you! bleh. this weekend will be great though...i just know it. i hope...

[Looow]

____: Yeah I know. I'm a screw up. fkhsdf

[*Azarel*]

Me? A writer? Pah. It's a casual hobby I picked up during SAT classes to pass the time without arousing any suspicion from the teacher. I'm no writer; my "writings" never deal with anything more than what I deal with. They appeal to nothing – not the senses, not the emotions. They are cliché, worn out, easily related to; nothing more. Poorly constructed, badly worded, hastily put down. I write for the only thing I feel strongly about, the only person I love. No, Justin. I'm no writer. Just a silly girl, head over heels in love.

It should be the other way around – me thanking you. Thank you for coming into my life at the most opportune time. Thank you for being so wonderful to me. Thank you for listening to me whine all the time. Thank you for asking how my problems are. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for caring so much. Thank you, my beautiful boy.

You say that I offer so much to you – and that statement baffles me, completely. I find myself questioning, what exactly is it that I give you? I can't just go out, find you, and visit. I can't find anything wonderful to buy and present to you as a heartfelt gift. The only thing I can and do give is my love. It's something you've told me before, but it works this way too. I'm giving you myself. And yet, I still wonder, is it enough? It doesn't feel enough, it never feels enough. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. And yet you think still it's excess, more than enough.

Just earlier, I was staring at your picture. My god. I never realized how gorgeous you really were. It gives me a rush when I think about when we finally meet, when we're finally united. There's so much I want to do with you – stare into your eyes and see your soul, rest my head against your chest and listen to your heart beat, slowly drift off to sleep listening to you breathe while feeling the rise and fall of your chest. It's so idealistic, picturesque even.

It's finally really struck me. I've landed what I've always wanted, despite everything I've always believed would happen. This is something real, something pure, something true – you've turned my world upside down, you've righted all wrongs, you've done something to me I would've never imagined could happen: you've made me truly happy. Oh, Justin, I love you, so much.

And, you know, we are the prototype of a cute couple. There are so many people who see us, who wish they could find this rare love, who wish that they could be this happy. You thilly goothe, I adore you and everything about you. I'll be a badfish with you! *glomps* ^_^

[dahding]

i still can't just let go of you. i love you.

[Skyline Drive]

I miss seeing you.. ALOT I'm pretty sure it's going to be weird when we do see each other just because it's been awhile.. I don't want it too be that way.

[[Mediocre]Artist]

Why don't you realize that all your disappointment, anger, discouragement, and words mean nothing to me? I destroy myself enough for failing. I don't need you telling me I don't try hard enough, that I'm a failure, and that my future is going to waste. I've told myself it all before. And we both know its not true. I'm better than this. I screw up, so what? I'll get over it. Why don't you? Its not your life. I didn't want this. I'm 16, why am I at college? I'm not ready. I'm not even adjusted enough to get through high school. Why, in your right mind, would you think I could handle college? You're the one who's stupid, not me. You disappoint me.

-Your daughter

[*lolita kitty*]

im sorry for being slow. im sorry for being so stupid and ugly to you. m'gosh, i dont know what to do. i havent done anything to you. and.... its like... i dont want to kiss your ass so you'll like me, but i dont want you to hate me. im just going to shut up for the time being and see what happens

------------------------------------------------

girl, get your ass online. my msn is screwing up and i forgot your phone number. its like were not supposed to talk anymore. gah... piece of shit... lmao.... you rawk my sawks byotch ^___~ w00t

------------------------------------------------

thanks for backing me up. well, not backing me up, just being nice to me. helping me. i really need it at this time. and yes. im sorry everyone is confuzing you for jenny, because you are way better than her. trinh is a lovely name. meep, this is getting to random. your so cute >_<

-------------------------------------------------

that joke you played? not funny. your a bitch and i hate you. burn in hell and leave me the f**k alone. and what happened with you and angie? you keep saying she's your friend then not then yes then hot.well,make up i guess. and leave me alone, rawr! >_<

-------------------------------------------------

10 more days. i cant wait to see you. i keep crying about this. i love you <3333333

-------------------------------------------------

you piss me off. quit yelling at me for shit carrie did. its her fault the goddamned laptop broke! SHE EVEN TOLD ME! but nooo, im the one who gets cussed at and yelled at. im the one who's stuff you throw around. not her. f**ker =[

[inthemudhole]

AHH. It's so great to hear your voice again.
When you called and I looked at the Caller I.D., I just started giggling.
You are so adorable. Everything about you, just... ahhhh!
I'm just in love with your accent. <33 I missed it.
Sorry, I'm just really giddy right now.
Love you.

-Me

[Looow]

______: I feel horrible sometimes. I know you sometimes think that I don't trust you because I don't tell you many things. I know you want to help but you feel as if you can't. You don't need to. You're a great friend. Thanks for everything. When I feel like letting ANYTHiNG out, I'll come to you. You're great.

______: Oh wasn't that a great day? It really felt different from all the other meet ups we've ever have. I wonder why though. Ahh you have no idea how much I love you. I've known you my WHOLE life. Well minus three years. You pretty much know my WHOLE life story. You know everything's that I've been through. The good and that bad. Like our parents said, I can't believe we have stayed friends after so long.

______: Ah I'm really sorry too. You're just so confusing sometimes.

[sharerol]

WTF? What is wrong with you? Can't you take a f**king joke, girl? Being my
closest friend, I'd think you'd know me by now. And why the f**k can't you go on Saturday?! MY GOD, this sucks. You suck. Parents suck.

[Teesa]

To __________ :
Ahh..I can't help but think of you..it's incredibly childish. But I can't wait until I see you tomorrow. At least, I hope I will.

-Teesa

[*stephinika*]

i was just reading through and i had to say...justin and anna - you guys are so adorable and i'm so happy for you. you both are so happy. i love seeing people happy. er...yeah that sounded corny.

i know what i want...yet i don't. i keep thinking things in my head but...do i really know what i want? i guess those questions will have to be answered soon...but really, i can't wait for this weekend. it's gonna be amazing.

[*CrackedRearView*]

Hey. Guess what, love.
I fixed your post count.
:] I love you.

- Badfish #1 (Teehee, I'm one!)

[Winter]

Eek my new hairstyle does not look good! You lie! XD Hehe you're so sweet.

[*Azarel*]

... Jump on the freaking bandwagon, why don't you.

-----

My dad probably kicked me offline. I'm sorry, dear.

[xquizit]

So maybe I DO like you. *shrugs*

[nopattern]

I hate the person you've become.

[berry_lickable]

please "dont phunk with my heart."
bitch if you do, i`ll kill your ass.

[xFaith]

1 -Damn.. am i falling in love with YOU, a typical player, a badboy? ;_; No i cant.. but i cant stop thinking bout you.. i tell my brains to shut up every evening before i go to sleep.. this can't be, your in love with someone else, but you still kissed me on the mouth.. no i cant be in love with you, i have to forget you ..
2 -Hmm.. i thought you were cute, shy, perfect.. now it seems like im over you. weird.. im over you because of another guy. You said hey the other day, that really made me feel happy. after you insulted my friends i can shoot you.. i do wanna be in love with you, and forget the other one.. but i cant ;_; i guess.. ugh, i hate love

[*lolita kitty*]

________: wow, im still amazed at what happened. thats just wow... to think you would find out. i have more to say but theres a good chance you'll read this too. wow. well like i said, its over. leave me alone. -_-

[toodlepops.]

Pssh, why do you have to act so.......blarh!
It's just a simple arsed test, no need to get so stressed over it and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Chyeahhh

/I hope she doesn't see this.

[topsyturvy]

Dear God,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I was such a badass. I swear i'll never do that again. Today was really an accident. Really.

THANK YOU.

Most sincerely,
E

[lovescream]

What.. the f**k? I'm only being nice to you. Don't think the only mean thing i can sya it "okay, great" and not help you at all. Seriously, who the hell do you think you are? You're being a lazy ass. Asking me questions. GO FIX YOUR OWN PROBLEMS. I know I'm being nice, but you're making the most OBVIOUS questions to answer seems like the hardest. Good God. Dear Lord. I'm about to f**king run out of patience. Dammit. Stop!

[*mzkandi*]

To a no good man/father/husband __________
You digust me. Seriously, you have 14 kids! 14 kids and your wife only knows about 8...wtf Sometimes I am ashamed to say you are apart of my family....

[*jooleeah*]

I hate you. You piss me off all the time...but I keep all those emotions inside. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of yelling at you, telling you how angry I am. I have a feeling I'm going to explode when you come home. You took away my f**king computer. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Waste my life away even more by watching tv? Most of the time I try not to get mad at you, knowing you've been through a lot to get our family where we are now...but you know what? You're a f**king bastard. After what happened on July 4th....exploding at me after taking a 15 minute shower....I was amazed. Once again, you get mad at me for the smallest reasons. Why is it that every single time Alex gets into trouble or does something that makes you mad, I take the blame? Why can't you get f**king mad at him for a change? HE's the one who screwed up in college, not me. HE's the one who wasted all that money. HE's the one that made our lives a living hell. WHY THE f**k DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT?! I f**king hate you. You took away my communication with all my friends...you're terrible. I hate, hate, hate you.

[jennyjenny]

I can't believe you're moving in 5 days. It just seems like the past 4 years have been a sham and I could've done better. Right now, I just want to rub it in your face about how better I've become, but you're moving. And when you're moving, you're gonna be across the country. And I'm not going to see you ever again. And to think we were friends for 4 years... I still remember your house, your parents, your everything. And I realized that we had more in common than you might think. We listen to the same music. Everything. But you've changed last summer. And I hated that. I just want to wish you good luck in Texas. And not to seem like a bitch (even though I should) you're never going to see sarah or paige or any of them and instead of you, they're gonna be my enemies.

-jenny

[sharerol]

-Toyby - Ily, girl. You rock.

-Kelly - Where have you been?

-JJ - Dude, I gotta talk to you when you get back from school. You left pretty abruptly last night. Things need to be settled. I'm sorry, though, about what I said about..yeah....But it was a joke. I hope you understand that. It's not like you were offended in any way when I called you that the other millions of times. But yeah...sorry.

[*stephinika*]

bah. its funny how focused on you i've become...i miss you. but i get to see you tomorrow, so thats good...tomorrow is going to go so very slowly until i leave my house at 7pm though...ugh. what the crap is wrong with me.

[PinkTrash]

I cant belive you don't care anymore. maybe I lied too.. but I meant that kiss. It hurts so much that it didn't mean anything to you.. or that's what you're saying. Yes, last night was very awkward, and it seems that everything that happened between me & you on the last day didn't mean much to you, just that you wanted to fool around a bit. But I, meant it all. I cannot believe you;; and what you wrote in my yearbook? did you mean that? I dont even know what to think anymore..