Cupid's Burden, WHAT DO YOU THINK! |
  |
 Jun 27 2005, 06:38 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 Some 1 plz find me, help me find my way..my way bak 2 bliss  Group: Member Posts: 288 Joined: Jan 2004 Member No: 1,748  |
i think my writers block is finally gone... what do guys think... all types of feedback apriciated
Cupid's Burden i wrote you a letter but that dream of you died long ago i wrote you a song but my tears washed away the ink the lyrics i cannot see the words i can no longer write i cannot stop thinking yet i do not think at all oh what a paradox of mysteries! in this abyss you call love! the poems i draft and the pictures i draw oh how they are meant for you they contain my soul they hold my soul therefore, my soul belongs to you it is my soul that is filled with love love love that is meant to be for you but this thing we call love oh what a burden spread by its goddess i have been hit by Cupid's arrows they pierce my heart, as i look into your eyes! your eyes of gold and sliver everything a girl could want yet within your eyes is that hallow darkness of shame my shame for i am weak weakned by you weakened by my desires desires to be with you for that letter i wrote you i burnt it because in my dreams i have no choice but to accept that it will never be happily ever after |
|
|
|
|
Jun 29 2005, 04:19 AM
Post
#2
|
|
 Yawn Group: Staff Alumni Posts: 9,530 Joined: Nov 2004 Member No: 65,772 |
That was really good :) Bittersweet. My favorite part was the first 12 lines. Great job :) Keep writing. I hope that writers block doesn't come back lol
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 29 2005, 04:36 PM
Post
#3
|
|
|
mood: content Group: Member Posts: 2,063 Joined: Aug 2004 Member No: 42,325 |
Great work, there was a lot of emotion and my favorite lines were:
QUOTE oh what a paradox of mysteries! in this abyss you call love! the poems i draft and the pictures i draw oh how they are meant for you However, your work would appear much more professional and appealing if you began your lines with capital. Hehe, just a suggestion. |
|
|
|
|
Jun 30 2005, 02:06 AM
Post
#4
|
|
 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
Wow I love it. I agree with kissme2408, it is bittersweet. I thought at first it wasn't going to be very good because it looked choppy and overly long, but after I took time to read it, I found that it was a really great poem. It had so much emotion. A definite favorite out of the poems written here.
Only thing I can critique is your spelling and capitilization. If you were to present this piece someplace, it would have to look a lot more professional. |
|
|
|
|
Jul 1 2005, 04:02 AM
Post
#5
|
|
|
</3 Group: Member Posts: 346 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 84,729 |
Wow. Good job :]. Very well written.
|
|
|
|
|
Jul 5 2005, 10:42 PM
Post
#6
|
|
 The Lost Dreamer Group: Member Posts: 67 Joined: Jul 2005 Member No: 166,502 |
Awww.... well written and worth the attention of many ears.
|
|
|
|
|
Jul 9 2005, 01:25 AM
Post
#7
|
|
|
Mr. Hottie Group: Member Posts: 406 Joined: Feb 2005 Member No: 104,225 |
very attentive.
|
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members: