Alyssa, i'm posting this because I want feedback |
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 Jun 17 2005, 11:51 PM
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#1
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 fell in love with a boy  Group: Member Posts: 523 Joined: May 2004 Member No: 16,965  |
last actual bit of something good i wrote before the block.
Alyssa Colorful bits of image flood my mind but I can not find the words I felt so empty for days and after waiting for inspiration nothing came Now I realize, sometimes, you must come to it. It's in the childs hand has she raises the dandelion telling me to make a wish And blow all the new ones into the day I sat outside for a bit on the swing set and watched her play, staining her dress but paying no mind And a humbling came over me for no reason I can put I felt inferior to this small, helpless child with baby blue eyes and tangled blonde hair When I looked at other things I still felt it The curious wonder but sadness of such a pretty world And for a moment I'd seperated myself from my surroundings, felt as if I didn't belong in the picture That something so twisted and so imperfect as I, did not belong in a world of innocence And then I realized I'd felt that way before, and that was me either submitting to the demons Or it could have just been that I was being absolutely naive. edited: to correct spelling |
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| *stephinika* |
Jun 18 2005, 01:29 AM
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#2
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wow. i really love that. great words and i can just see the girl in my mind. beautifully done.
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Jun 18 2005, 10:17 PM
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#3
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 Senior Member Group: Member Posts: 124 Joined: Apr 2005 Member No: 132,526 |
I can see her too, I really like it actually
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Jun 19 2005, 12:03 AM
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#4
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 Crying Behind Blind Eyes Group: Member Posts: 257 Joined: Mar 2004 Member No: 7,967 |
This was great. You're, honestly, an amazing writer.
I love the last line the most... Awe-inspiring thoughts. |
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Jun 19 2005, 12:57 AM
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#5
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 My name's Katt. Nice to meet you! Group: Member Posts: 3,826 Joined: Jan 2005 Member No: 93,674 |
^I agree. You're an awesome writer. I love the imagery and your choice of words. The only problem is the spelling (naive, dandelion). But I mean, WOW. Great job!!
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