Given up on Hope Options

[akjsd]

now it seems like God's finally realized my sins,
and he wants to punish me for doing all of these things .
he's bringing me down in every possible way,
making me want life to end every new day .

slowly, he takes away everything precious to me .
after all that i've done, i dont deserve to be happy .
i wake up in the morning, always full of dread ,
knowing that as time goes, my lover could be dead .

God doesnt care when he sees my tears .
he just laughs and continues to multiply my fears .
he yells down to me ," hey, you deserve all this shit ! "
and i kno that he's right, i cannot deny it .

i've been smoking and drinking my life away .
maybe thats why the f**king sky's always grey .
been doing things with boys that i been forbidden to do .
holding, hugging, kissing ... saying "i love you" .

angels looking down from heaven, heads shaking in shame .
probably thinking i'm a disgrace to my family name .
they're singing me a prayer, hoping i dont go to hell .
but here i am on earth, my soul ready to sell .

how could a girl like me go so wrong ?
turning now to drugs, as wherei used to be so strong .
i look for the concrete pleasures, they make me forget .
it looks as if the devil has taken me as his pet .

i do the devil's sins, i'm under his control .
deeper and deeper i fall down this f**king hell hole .
even God can't pull me out, he just lets me go .
and he smiles as i burn in hell, painful and slow .

God then reminds me of the people i've shamelessly hurt .
he tells me i've sinned so much, my life has no worth .
the Devil says not to worry, he'll take care of my sins .
and as he says this, he flashes his most evil grin .

he points to a boiling pot, full of memories and regret .
" Drown in your own sorrow bitch, i wont let you forget "
i shudder as i plunge back into my past ,
and i see what i done wrong, from my first to my last .

from stealing to smoking to simply teasing kids,
i wish i could apologize for all i done did .
i plea to God, asking him to forgive .
his reply was a cold " Through this toture you'll live " .

Everyday i awake to that very same dream .
recalling those memories always makes me want to scream .
all the things i done wrong, i wish i could take back .
but the self-motivation is what i most lack .

every night i look the the Devil right in the eye .
and he proceeds to tell me that the life i live is only a lie .
because in the morning, i leave with an unrevealing smile .
but, inside i'm breaking-down with stress all the while .

i'm being pulled down by my very own pride,
but God's tearing it down, my wrongs have got nowhere to hid .
my sins creep up behind me, they strangle and choke .
i let them slowly kill me, because i've given up on hope .

[*suddenly she*]

can i ask you what motivated you to write this poem?

though i don't agree with it, it's really good.

[akjsd]

can i ask you what motivated you to write this poem?

mistakes i've done and regret . trying and doing things i kno i shouldnt have . not being able to stop doing them things now, even though i try . messing up with my family, losing friends, losing trust . pms and worrying about those i care . and the boredom i get during spanish class .

[*suddenly she*]

and the boredom i get during spanish class .

spanish is an inspirational language.

i hope everything gets better.