i have a friend who criticizes, everything Options

[yupimchuck]

Hm. So yeah. I have this friend.. Ill call her Jane.
Weve been friends since about 4th grade.
And recently.. Im really not sure why, shes been riticizing everything i do or have.
like.. today. when she was over.. she was talking and out of nowhere she goes
"i dont like your lipring its too big its annoying and i hate it change it"
just over and over.
or shell be like "you need to straighten your hair"
"i dont like that color eyeshadow on you"
"i dont like your haircolor"

on and on and on.
about little things.
and its really getting to me. because this just started a few months ago,
and i really dont know why shes doing it.
is it jealousy or does she not notice shes doing it?

i dont know. please help :/

[Skyline Drive]

It sounds rude, maybe she is jealous. You need to put a stop to that, there is no need for her to constantly criticize your looks and make those type of comments out of nowhere.

[THiS__CHiCK]

Ugh. She's freakin` stupid. Yeah. I think she's jealous& she notices it. Both. The next time she says somethin` like that, tell her why she keeps criticizin` youu like the whole effeng time. And maybe tell her how you feel.

[__heartache]

hmm yea i used to have a friend like that. just confont her about it, you guys have been friends for a while so im sure she'd understand if you were to tell her and you guys are probably strong enough to deal with this without making it too serious. but just tell her how you feel about it

[yupimchuck]

Any time i come close to saying somethign liek that to her she'll go off on me. and like go crazy.

[topsyturvy]

Wow.. the exact same thing happened to me a while ago. My friend was bitchy 24/7 for a while, but then it kinda wore off after a few weeks. It's a stage, i guess.

Meanwhile, keep a distance with her. ( Is she like this to you only.. or generally everyone? )

[_sarcastic_]

she's just jealous of you, ignore her when she does it again, it'll soon wear off

[xFaith]

Talk to her about it, say you find it annoying and ask why she critizes you on everything.

Its really rude what she is doing o_O

[stolenantics]

just say "so what this is me if u dont like it thats fine but you cant tell me what to change about me" she seems really annoying and if i knew her id let her have it!

[yupimchuck]

I really want to just let her have it.
&almost go off on her.

but im not that kind of person.
and this is dumb. but shes the clostest thing ive got to a friend so i dont want to ruin that :/

[MrElsewhere]

criticize her right back.

then when she gets all annoyed, go "now you know how i feel"

[Spirited Away]

,Jun 10 2005, 8:24 PM]but shes the clostest thing ive got to a friend so i dont want to ruin that :/

You don't want to ruin that? What IS "that"? Are you "that" is a friend?

To tell you the truth, what you've described is not friendship. If you want to know what friends are like, meet new people. The person who you think is your friend is rather unfriendly with you.

Maybe her criticism is a way to make her feel better about herself. I know a few people who are like that actually. It also means that such people are insecure about themselves in some way. You may feel sorry for them, but you don't have to take their unfounded criticism because you'll be hurting yourself.

You don't have to say anything to her nor do you have to say anything that will make a full blown argument. If she doesn't like your eye shadow, say that you do. If she says she doesn't like your lipring, say that you do. She doesn't like your hair color? You do right? So, tell her. You don't have to get angry because she doesn't like what you like, just tell her. If she is your true friend, she'll get used to it.

But you know, the case could also be that the things you wear doesn't suit you and she just want to be honest with you. You wouldn't want to hurt your friend's feelings when she's only honest with you. Don't disagree or argue with her, just say that you 'feel' like doing it and laugh about it. If she's your friend, she'll laugh it off with you.

Whatever the situation with this person though, don't let her walk all over you.

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

She may not even notice she does thosr kinda things, it completely natural. Maybe you should go like "I like it that way, but thanks for your opinion" *pat her on the back* and say "I think my mom's calling me." Then you can make a run for it, incase she says anything back.

[yupimchuck]

^ They DO suit me.
and i know they do.

but i mean, she didnt start this until i got my lip pierced.
or until she saw my new hair color.

and she tends to follow me on things.

i almost want to say its jealousy. but i really dont know.
you really dont think we have a friedship?

&"that"=our being friends :/

[Spirited Away]

^ They DO suit me.
and i know they do.

Say, "you don't think it looks good? Well, let me get a second opinion..." and ask someone else in front of her. Or "let me try this look for a while and I'll change it again". If she persists in telling you do change your lipring, you could embarrass her by saying "okay, you're being weird because you sound like my Mom", or something, then laugh it off.

i almost want to say its jealousy. but i really dont know.
you  really dont think we have a friedship?
&"that"=our being friends :/

Do you think what you have a friendship? If you think so, then I don't have anything to say. I'm not saying that friends shouldn't criticize, but there is such a thing as constructive criticism.

[Paradox of Life]

You shouldn't end a friendship because of her nitpicking these little things. It's probably just a phase that she's going through where she's uncomfortable with herself so she wants to pick at other people. If this doesn't stop for a while, maybe you should pull her aside and talk about it. If she can't handle that, then maybe she's not mature enough to be your friend.

[xlaydee_v]

well idk i used to be like that for like two hours but thats cause i got frustrated and i just needed something to focus on.. jsut tell her to stop.

[*Statistik*]

thats crazy yo

[aznhunnie6o1]

Jeez... I criticize, but I know when to stop...

Well.. try confronting her? or talk to her about it?

[enyceXaddiction]

sounds like jealousy to me.

[yupimchuck]

whats if its not jealousy.
What if its just how much shes changed?

[demolished]

Tell her that the reason why you are her friend becuase of who she is but now she is a totallly whore now. dont be her friend anymore

tell her that. you go girl !

[Loserwithstyle]

Confront her about it, and if she gets all mad then she might have other personal problems, so you might wanna ask if something is wrong in her family or something...cause it might be that and she is taking out her anger on you? :/

[yupimchuck]

^ i know alot about her family and whats going on.
&ive never realy seen anyting out of the ordinary.

when she moved last christmas.. she changed ALOT.


im thinking of writing her a letter so she cant interrupt what im saying or argue.

[albusdolohov]

just say
"ARE YOU GOING ON TO MENOPAUSE?! POOR YOU!
MENOPAUSE AT SUCH A TENDER AgE!"
"And POOR ME, I HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOME MORE PERIODS WHILE YOURE FREE FOREVER!"
"Please comfort me"
"Dont tell me youre gonna criticise the colour of my discharge"...
the next time she starts

[Shattered_Hope]

Why don't you tell her how she's making you feel? And if she still won't change...end the friendship...

[DizzyDucky09]

juss tell her to shut up and tht if u needed sh!t from her u would juss squeeze her head

[dreamerOi]

i used to have the same problem. but she criticized my friends more then anything and she acted like she liked them in person so that kind of got me pissed. i say you should talk to her about it. but i used to keep things to myself so id just build everything up and then one huge explosion. but really i think you should tlak to her about it.

[Dabme]

I have a friend who was like that to me for a long time.Kinda made me feel bad cuz we were great friends.So I kind of acted that way back towards her and I I kept doing it until she snapped.She finaly told me in a letter that she was just mad because I was hanging around her sister alot.Hey I cant help the fact that I had a crush on her.Plus she always seemed to never care much about me whenever we saw eachother.Give it time maybe your friend will tell you whats up.

[mouse_3k]

make fun of her back. Just be like *U dont like my haircolor? I dont like you* or somethin defend yourself dont take her bulls*it

[gOODpIRATE]

she might not even notice that she's doing it. you might want to tell her how much it annoys you.

[sheepy]

that's really rude, and i think she's jealous. you should say 'its my life, let me live it the way i want thank you very much'

[left_alone]

People critize other people so that they feel better about themselves, or it makes them feel powerful. Tell her to get over herself and your not going to change for her. If she wants to be your friend, then she will do it.

[soccer_gurly]

i have a friend like that... in the beginning, she did that a lot, until i finally blew up at her and went off on her... but after that, she got better and holds her tongue... im not saying that you should yell at her... but just talk 2 her, i guess

[pinayprincess]

tell her "why the f**k do you care?" or "dont worry about me, worry abput ya ugly self" .. something to get her back just let her know that you really dont care what she gotta say.. if she way ya friend, she wouldnt be open like that to you. she would [instead] compliment you -- what a bitch

[technicolour]

Damn, what a bitch. She shouldn't give a damn, and neither should you. Tell her to go screw herself. That would make me mad. Or, you could just critize her back.

[yupimchuck]

she compliments me sometimes too.
so i really dont know.
and we were friends for a good 5 years before all this started happening.

it started around christmas when she moved to a new school.
i guess i have time to think about it. since shes in germany for a month..
but i dont want to be mean to her