Sex and Health Quandary, Open relationship and risky behavior Options

[madchenallein]

Hey,

I'm in an open marriage. My husband has permission to play around and, he says I can too, but I don't (I used to, but lost interest, got blood tested, got a clean bill of health and I am now monogamous). We live temporarily in a foreign country and recently my husband had a spur of the moment encounter (vaginal intercourse) with a woman from this country who was menstruating at the time. He did not use a condom. That is against the guidlines of our agreement and he apologized for it. However, we know nothing about this woman other than she is not married and approximately 28 years old. We don't even know her last name. My question is, as his wife of 7 years, is it unreasonable to insist he get bloodwork done and not have sex with him until his bloodwork comes back clean? What should I do. If you are willing to reply honestly to this post, consider including your age in your post please, all opinions are welcome.

Thanks.

[topsyturvy]

Even though i'm clueless about half the things you've talked about, i say you make him get a blood test. If what he did was against your marriage guidelines, then why not?


Btw what are open marriages?? Marriages where you're allowed to play around with someone other than your spouse?? If that's what they are, i don't see any point in them.. People get married to stay committed to that person, right?

[_sarcastic_]

Btw what are open marriages??  Marriages where you're allowed to play around with someone other than your spouse?? If that's what they are, i don't see any point in them..  People get married to stay committed to that person, right?

i agree, well i guess it's good that you trust the other person so much that you're in an open marriage
anyways, i suggest you ask him to get his bloodwork done just to be on the safe side.

[madchenallein]

I don't believe that a commitment to only one person and the exclusion of any other people in one's sex life are mutually exclusive. I think everyone expects a man to stop having sex with other women when he gets married and a woman is expected to stop having sex with other people when she gets married. These are assumptions though. But, who is to say what 'unfaithful' is? The definition of faithful (m-w.com) says nothing about sex. It says 'steadfast in affection or allegiance, loyal'. If a couple has an agreement with certain rules, then adherence to those rules on the part of each person means both are faithful. No matter WHAT the rules are. It's just that most couples consider sex with other people as unfaithfulness, and their rules are 'no sex with other people'. Cheating isn't when you have sex with someone you're not married to, that's adultery, cheating is breaking faith with your spouse.

Anyway, all that is neither here nor there. I think the bloodwork is in order, though I would not 'make' him do it, he has offered. What impresses me is, I wasn't there during this ocurrence, and he could have lied to me when I flat out asked him if he used protection, but he didn't.

That is what trust is about. That is commitment.

[yupimchuck]

I may be young, 14,
but I would make him get tested. I mean.. your in a foreign country, and you didnt know the woman.
I just think that's the best thing.
&i wouldnt have sex with him until the results came back, you never know.

[sammi rules you]

i'm 15. but don't take that into account..

i would definitely have him tested. you're not even in your own country, so things your immune systems aren't used to could be introduced into both of you. if he does have a life-threatening disease, you wouldn't want it to be introduced to you.

[technicolour]

definately get tested

QUOTE(K!$$ @ Jun 6 2005, 3:00 AM)
Btw what are open marriages??  Marriages where you're allowed to play around with someone other than your spouse??  If that's what they are, i don't see any point in them..  People get married to stay committed to that person, right?

I agree completely..having an "open marriage", no offense, is senseless. bad things can result from his "splurges"....

[waitwaitwait]

Why're you in an open marriage? Too ugly? Bummer.

[madchenallein]

I'm not asking your opinions on me having an open marriage and I don't really care what you think about that, if you're going to reply, try to stick to the topic. Go to debate if you want to talk about open marriage.

[*mzkandi*]

Why're you in an open marriage? Too ugly? Bummer.

Thats uncalled for

And I think you should get your husband tested. Also remember that condoms dont protect from all deseases see even if you guys are using condoms with other people its still possible to catch something. I suggest you both get annual check ups each year.

[madchenallein]

mz kandi, you rock. We do get tested every year. I think it's a good precaution. A lot of stds do not manifest in women even though they are present and they can be passed asymptomatically. You always have well thought out posts, mk.

[beautifuls0ul_x3]

Why're you in an open marriage? Too ugly? Bummer.

um that was very rude and uncalled for like mzkandi said

*back to the topic*

i really think your husband should get tested. especially if you do not know the woman and you are in a foreign country. better safe than sorry right? and it's a good thing you and your husband get tested every year.