should i tell her? Options

[Chyn020]

hey you guys.
needless to say.. I'm new at this. so if this topic is old, I'm very sorry but I just really need advice!

ok well.. there is this boy Carlos. I really like him and everything. He's such a sweetie and he's so adorable! He asked me out yesterday.. but there is one problem.. My Mom! Im not allowed to have a boyfriend! Yes i know.. we're in the year 2005! But My mom is more of an old-fashioned hispanic mother who over-protects her children and has very strict rules!
Don't get me wrong. Its my mom and everything.. but I really like Carlos!
I have asked her before if I could have a boyfriend.. but she starts to lecture me and say "NO!"

Should I talk to her about it.. or just do it behind her back? Her trust is really important to me, but i dont think she would ever understand!
Like i said... I really really like him!

I would really appreciate any advice or comments or if anyone has had a similar problem.. what did you do?

[angelrevelation]

i think it would be best to respect your mom's wishes.... but maybe you could persuade her somehow that you're ready. i dunno how, but maybe someone else on CB can give some ideas?

[Just_Dream]

First off, there are still plenty of over-protective parents. Trust me, I should know. I'm 17 and my mom still tells me that I can't date guys until I'm out of college (That might take 8+ years. ) or that I can't get married until I'm 25+ years old. Realize that your mother has her best interest at heart. You don't want to get into a situation that you might regret.

Anyway, about this whole situation... Well if you don't want to date Carlos behind your mother's back, don't do it. I noticed that you're 15.. No need to rush into something so quickly. I'm in a relationship right now and I've been able to keep it from my mother and father for over 2 years (I'm with my bf for 2 years and 5+ months )... I hate lying to my mother about this because she's told me countless times to not talk to boys and stuff.

What you COULD do is tell your mother.. BUT if she gets angry and tells you know, then you COULD date him behind her back... BUT there's always OPTION C. Not many people choose Option C. Only those who really WOULD wait for eac other and care about each other a lot, would action choose option C. Option C is where you tell Carlos that you just want to be best friends with him now because your mother doesn't want you to date; ask him to wait for you, that when you're allowed to date, he should ask you out. Tell him that you do like him and that you want date him, but you don't want to date him behind her back. Introduce Carlos to your mother (IF she would allow it), that way your mother might approve of him and you two could hang out more. You two could build a stronger bond and eventually your mother might approve. :]

[Kounouri]

i agree .. try telling your mom that you like a boy, and ask if maybe you could have him over for dinner or something those lines to meet him. of course, make sure carlos is okay with that, and talk to him first and foremost.

[aera]

my parents are over-protective too... but a lot of the things they tell me are wrong. my paretns grew up in a very racist world and were brought up to think that certain races were inferior to our own. i dont share the ideals of my parents and i tend to do things they would not agree to (its not like drugs or alchohol or anything). my parents are against parties, especially with boys there and i've never told them about it because im friends with the boys and i know they wont do anything bad...

personally, i would do it since my parents wouldnt care too much, but your mom doesnt want you to. she wants whats best for you, so you should talk to her first about it. maybe have her meet carlos.

[helenxxx]

I would keep it from my mom. Apparently me and my boyfriend are together for half a year and she knows nothing about it. I am not lying to her or anything but, well she doesn't have to know anything.

[Chyn020]

omg! thank you guys so much! im still not sure.. but hearing all of this makes me feel better! i think im going to have a talk with carlos first! thanks guys!

[pinayprincess]

i would do it behind her baCK.... my mom is the same i just do it behind her back, though she does get suspicious

[*iNyCxShoRT*]

What she doesnt know can't hurt her p_p;;

[sk8ter4life750]

i agree .. try telling your mom that you like a boy, and ask if maybe you could have him over for dinner or something those lines to meet him. of course, make sure carlos is okay with that, and talk to him first and foremost.

You took the words from my mouth. Talk to her and then be like hey mom or what ever sweet talk her for a while but not too obvious and then pop it.

[Shattered_Hope]

If you don't feel comfortable going behind your mother's back and dating him...then don't...but if you really really like him....then...just date him and not mention the details to your mother until she allows you to date boys.....

[SimplicityGirl]

Well...if you feel comfortable dating behind your Mom's back, then do it. But I had first hand experience with doing that and it made me feel very very guilty...so I personally wouldn't do it.

You should talk to Carlos first, and maybe invite him over for dinner or something. And ask your Mom how she feels about him.

[babycarrot]

hmm. question! how old are ya?

[loljuliana]

well, in my opinion, you could go behind her back. i mean, i have done that countless times because i really liked the guy. but also respect her wishes. is it worth going against her wishes? my parents wont let me date until i'm 21 =(

[Chyn020]

hmm. question! how old are ya?

15!! i turn 16 in september!

[shortiiex]

just have fun with him....she has to RESPECT YOUR decisions too...doesn't she want you to be happy?

[jiaho93]

OMG, I have the exact same problem!! Blegh. It's tough. I'm currently in a relationship that I've "hid" for nearly two years... I try to hide it, but my mom seems to know everything. She has mother radar or something and she always knows when I lie. But I'm still alive... despite her countless suspicions... she even told me outright to stop the relationship last summer. I genuinely attempted to obey her but ended up staying away from the guy for only two days. >,< That didn't go very far.

[xlaydee_v]

lols. how old are you? i mean.. why shouldn't you have a girlfriend (unless you're really young). you're not going to do anything.. too.. inappropiate are you? -_-;; i mean c'mon! well anyways ask her again. and persuade her.

[tmauze]

don't risk getting into trouble with your mom. try like a group date or something...

[separatewings]

I honestly, would go behind my parent's back. Goodness, I have done it countless of times. But then, if you really WANT to respect your mother's wishes then I believe the only thing to say is that if Carlos believes you really are a girl worth waiting for, he would wait for you.

[enyceXaddiction]

GO OUT WITH HIM. i do my parents had told me a TRILLION times "IF I CATCH YOU WITH A BOY IM GOING TO LITERALLY KILL YOU" like WHATEVER its my life. trust me go out with him nothing wrong with having a boyfriend. if you keep up with this your social life is going to SUCK. if you really like carlos go for it.

[Chyn020]

GO OUT WITH HIM. i do my parents had told me a TRILLION times "IF I CATCH YOU WITH A BOY IM GOING TO LITERALLY KILL YOU" like WHATEVER its my life. trust me go out with him nothing wrong with having a boyfriend. if you keep up with this your social life is going to SUCK. if you really like carlos go for it.

lmao!! thanks!!

THANK YOU ALL

[bambamboozle]

tell her, I'm also "not suppose to date" but when my mother found out I was lying about having a boyfriend she was more upset about the lying then the guy- now she doesn't really care if I have a boyfriend, as long as I don't lie
so yeah, the truths better, though it may be rocky at first...she'll get over it...

[nothingless]

keep it secret. always fun.